Some assistance and suggestions please: Email with my sister (page 3)

RayPublisher

Winston I think your letter is AWESOME can't wait to hear what happens. Send it!!!

PS

I'm praying for you bro.

She went out with the CO during his visit and he was asking her all sorts of questions. She said she didn’t feel comfortable talking about it because they were going door to door. The elders obviously talked about things with the CO as the following week they got called to another meeting with two elders. The brothers advised them that they were sending a recommendation to the WTS that they should keep their privileges. It was up to the WTS to make the call. If nothing comes back, they stay as they are. If a letter came back it would have a negative decision in it.

This amazes me ,truly amazes me , after 20 years being away from the Borg.,you still can`t talk to a CO unless you make an appointment to work with him in FS ?

This was one of the nails in the coffin about the WTB&TS that brought me to my senses.

20 years ago I was faced/confronted with an issue that was extremely serious which could have had repercussions against the religion of JW`s , the elders in the congregation also knew of the situation.Their was an upcoming CO visit and I requested a meeting with the CO during his visit to discuss the situation for my own personal releif of stress and those others who were affected by this serious problem .

Only to be told by the elders , he doesn`t do that , meet with individuals to discuss matters , if you want to talk with him you have to apply to work with him in FS .

WTF ? this was an extremely delicate problem I wanted to air with a CO ? and I could only do it talking as we were going door to door ? How the f**k (pardon my french) can you have a serious conversation going door to door.

That played a big part in my leaving the cult that calls itself christian .

W.S. If you are happy with accepting the bible`s message as true ,then i won`t try to change you,however I will try to encourage you to get away from JW teaching as far as possible because it is soul destroying as is evidenced time and time again on this site .

I hope you and your sister can free yourself from a mind controlling religion and enjoy life using your own brain to decide what is acceptabile and what is not.

Take care : smiddy

Aussie Oz

hey smiddy...the CO isnt there to help the publishers, he is there to check on the elders. The publishers are a thorn in his foot, the most he can tolerate them is in short bursts between doors and when they are feeding him. Oz

WinstonSmith

Hello everyone,

Sorry for being quiet the last couple of days since making the OPs. It has been a busy week, and trying to figure out what to say to my sister has really been doing my head in. Thank you very, very much for all of your replies and advice. This is the first real challenge that we have faced since waking up and commencing our fade. Mrs Smith and I really appreciate you all being there for us and letting us know how you think we should proceed.

The day after making my OPs, I found out that my sister has a friend arriving from overseas to stay with them for three weeks. This kinda changed the game for me. I thought if she was at a low point when she sent me her recent messages, and as a result of that may have been open to suggestions, perhaps the bouying of having her friend staying might lift her back to the usual JW mindset. After reading through all of your posts - several times - I decided to send a shorter, more vague version, and to put the ball back in her court. This is what I sent:

I think it sucks that you have just been left hanging like that. You should be given a clear answer so you can go on with your life. With things left up in the air, you will never truly have a settled feeling. You'll always feel like you are on tenterhooks. Please know that whatever happens, whatever eventuates, you will always have our love and support.

As for your question, hmmmm. What are your thoughts? I really want to know what you mean when you say there is other stuff that you can't understand and makes you feel raped in a whole new way. I would honestly love to know how you honestly feel - with total confidentiality of course. As I said before, no matter what you say, it will always be in the strictest confidence and you will always have our complete support.

This way, I have not put into writing any of my personal thoughts, but left the door open, and hopefully paved the way for her to feel safe enough to tell me what she really thinks. It is wise to draw her out more before I begin laying my cards on the table. I figure that the information I was going to send can be kept for a later date. Softly softly, gently gently.

This really is like defusing a bomb.

Again, Mrs Smith and I offer our sincere thanks to all of you who posted. There are some key points and questions that you have noted and asked. Over the next little while I will answer them when time permits (LOL I sound like Recovery / Olin Moyle / Still Recovery / Ethos!). Perhaps the extra info I provide will add to the background for you, and assist with any future developments.

Thanks again :-)

WS

Black Sheep

It is wise to draw her out more before I begin laying my cards on the table.

You might never have to do that. Just play with her pack. It's better to do a really thorough job on something that bothers her, than to do superficial jobs on your list of stuff that bothers you.

Apognophos

^ Well said, I agree.

00DAD

Excellent, really excellent. Let her come to you. Make her feel safe. Listen and make sure she knows she is heard and understood.

She probably doesn't really understand that she is not really sure who she can trust.

00DAD

WinstonSmith

Hi team, time for an update!

Well, um.........there isn't one.

It has now been more than a week since I emailed off what I posted above. So far there has been no reply. I know that my sisters friend is now staying with them for a few week, and I am sure she is just so busy that she has had no time to pen a response.

The waiting game continues!

Thanks again to those who read through my OPs.

@Tornapart, glad to hear you too are taking the softly softly approach, and that there seems to be some progress!

@Leavingwt, they don't have kids - which I think, given the situation is a good thing - so if it ends in separation or divorce there won't be any little people collateral. She, like me loves reading, and I would love for her to read CoC. I think I'll wait until I have a clearer idea of where she is at before making the recommendation.

WinstonSmith

@Phizzy: I think they would benefit greatly from some professional help. Either together or individually I think it woul be ofd great assistance. I have broached it before, but got the standard 'well things aren't that bad' response and 'they wouldn't understand what JWs are like anyway' type answers so let it slide. Depending on her response to my email, I may feel out to see if her thoughts have changed.

@Suavojr: I agree with what you said. After much thought and reading through of everyones responses, and taking into consideration that her friend is visiting I went for a shorter version. I'm gonna keep my first draft for use later if needed. I enjoyed reading CoC and it is a great book to show that there is nothing special about the Society, just a bunch of dudes bumbling their way through trying to maintain a good life for themselves.

@Perfect1: I agree that she has given power away to others. Sadly this is all to common among JWs. As a woman she is already treated as a second class citizen and any resistance to the machine is , as we know, is futile. I'm confident she will come to this realisation herself - she may have already. I certainly won't be saying anything succinctly until I am certain it won't come back to bite me on the ass. My sister and I are very close, and her hearing me say direct that I am out might be all she needs to send her running back to the organisation as, despite what has happened to her, she sees no alternative to "God's organisation."

WinstonSmith

@Ding: I wholeheartedly agree with the go slow approach. I need to feel things out more before progressing, hence the shortened version, and throwing the ball back into her court. Just today we have had some great results from the 'some things have been troubling us' method with a close friend we have been working on for a few months - sadly, another one who got kicked in the guts by the elders, but happily her experience has drastically changed her perspective. What you said about allowing people to come out of it at their own pace is so very true. Some need the band aid ripped off, some need some a soothing balm.

@DoC: You make an excellent point there mate. My brother in law is one of the unkowns in this instance. He is a nice guy and we have been friends for years, even before he and my sister got together. I have had him lie to my face on more than one occasion, and I have seen him throw someone under a bus to protect himself before. This is part of the reason I went for the shortened email. There's nothing incriminating in there, but hopefully there is enough there to begin drawing her out.

@Giordano: You know from our previous correspondence that I value your opinion and advice. I appreciate you sharing your experience. I decided on the shorter version, so that I can get a better idea of where she is at with things. Your advice to just simply be there for her is true. I'm her little bro, and not some elder, so she needs to feel my concern and then once comfortable with that, hopefully she'll begin to open up.

Some assistance and suggestions please: Email with my sister

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