My son's heart is broken (page 3)

mrsjones5

All? My first inclination is that she might be cheating but from what the OP told us it is apparent the the girl doesn't want her son anymore cheating or no. Of course there are two sides but I've seen enough with my 47 years on ths planet to know that something isn't smelling right.

moshe

She has made her decision- move on and be glad you didn't get this notice 20 years from now.

jgnat

I say it is over. Her being so determined, trying to drag her in to counselling or somehow convince her to give it one more try is just going to delay the inevitable.

If my son were going through something similar, I would sympathize, and also let him know that this grief is survivable.

jwfacts

She doesn't need more space, she already gets enough space by him being away most of the week. Prepare your son for the likely scenario that she is gone. She may realise what she has lost and come grovelling back, but do you want that sort of person in his life?

He is young, and in a few years will be set up with a career, and then he can get the right girl. He just needs support now to realise it is not as bad as it seems.

Skbj

@ talesin You are right, not everyone breaks up because they have someone else.

However like Caliber has pointed out as well as the OP indicated, she wants space, and refuses for him to visit at weekends, my experience as a woman is when -for any given reason - we want space that's just a nice way to say we want to break up. That she has someone else given the time they have constantly spent apart is just a strong possibility, I brought the example of my friend in my previous post to show her determination was in fact dictated from the fact she had fallen in love with another guy and I know many others too, don't want to bore people with stories, but from experience I've seen that having a 3rd party in the eqiation makes women more determined.

Absolutely there are 2 sides to all stories, and one doesn't wake up one morning and point blank decided that's it, it's over. Relationships break up over time, I'm sure there must have been other signs, if the son saw them and ignored them or not we don't know. I don't believe in being blind sided. If you love someone and they are your number one, you notice things aren't quite right.

However, the girl mentioned by the OP seems to show the kind of determination and resolution given when a 3rd party is in the picture, but ultimately the reason is also irrelevant, the bottom line is she doesn't seems to be interested in saving this marriage so the son should count his losses and move on. If there's one thing I've learnt in life is that when one doors closes another one opens and usually is a better one. When in 10 years from now, possibly married to a better woman, he'll look back to this moment he will probably think she actually did him a favor.

I have had my fair share of broken heart stories, abusive men, cheaters, womanizers, you name it I probably dated him LOL - and whilst it hurt me like hell when it happened, I'm also thankful to have gone through the pain I have because it made a stronger and better person. Once I read a phrase that said:

“Sometimes you must hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, lose in order to gain, because most of life’s greatest lessons are learned through pain.”

ruderedhead

Thank you all for your input. I truly appreciate your helping someone you have never met. You are people of the highest caliber. And quite a bit more insightful than I.

We were able to get some more information from him this evening. While I was holding onto hope that this is just a bump in the road, it is not. It is the end of the road for their marriage. Apparently she is unhappy with the fact that right now she makes more money than he does, among other things. He is a brand new attorney. He took the bar exam in July, and in our state, the pass rate was only 53%. He was in that 53%. I think that is pretty darn good. He was sworn in 2 weeks ago, as it takes approx. 3 mo. to get the results back. There are other things, but they are all silly. Trust me. My oldest son is also an attorney, and they spoke today. The older one has handled divorce cases (doesn't really like them), and so has some insight. He simply told me that her reasoning was strange and without real merit. My sons have each others backs, and give only as much info as they need to Mom about certain matters. I try not to be an overprotective momma bear, but sadly, I am, and they know it. I think I love my children almost too much. I loved this girl as one of my own. Why doesn't this woman understand that in 5 years, he will be making good money? He is working with his brother, who has a growing practice, and with my husband ( different business) also while the practice builds to be enough for 2 attorneys. All he has done is for their future, but she said she wants to get on with her life, there is a whole other world out there. I cannot believe this is the end of the road for them. He is filing for the D word soon so it can be done where we live. There are no children, no house. I guess that would be a clean break. But I have never seen him this devastated. He is truly a broken man. To those who say tell him he will heal and move on, Yes he will, but the wound is too fresh. After the new year, we will say those words. Right now, he is facing holidays without the woman he loves, and all the plans they have had with their friends every year.

Thank you again for caring enough to help me. You're quite an insightful group. You saw was was coming before I did.

mrsjones5

You're a good mom, your son is fortunate to have you in his corner. I understand the pain your son is going through and it will take some time for him to heal. Like someone said when one door closes another will open.

Scott77

He is filing for the D word soon so it can be done where we live. There are no children, no house. I guess that would be a clean break. But I have never seen him this devastated. He is truly a broken man. To those who say tell him he will heal and move on, Yes he will, but the wound is too fresh. After the new year, we will say those words. Right now, he is facing holidays without the woman he loves, and all the plans they have had with their friends every year.

ruderedhead

I think, in the retrospective, your son one day might say oho, it was the right thing to do, the break up. Love is a two way street. Our biggest hardicap is our inability to see how our lives with another signficant others will be in comming years. At the end of the day, it will finally happen. Stay positive.

Scott77

talesin

mrsjones, the word 'all' was an unfortunate choice, my error. I like what you said 'something else' ,, not inferring just another man, but even,,, life! That was the reason I left - I felt like I was stifled, drowning in boredom.

rrh - sounds like she has decided her path leads elsewhere. I hope it is that, and not another man, for *that* betrayal cuts much deeper, and for a longer time. You are so right, he does not be told to 'move on' - the wounds are fresh, so fresh. Divorce is like a death, and it will take time to heal.

xo

tal

Balaamsass

You are a good mom. It boils down to: You can't make someone love you.

Just keep letting him know your whole family loves him.

We would love to have him on the board. His expertise whould be welcome.

My son's heart is broken

Share this