Bryant Memorial Service Report

by seven006 55 Replies latest jw friends

  • MadApostate
    MadApostate

    The Bryants' ties to the community were fragile.

    CARA ROBERTS MUREZ
    Statesman Journal
    March 22

    McMINNVILLE — In life, Robert and Janet Bryant and their four children had not yet become a strong part of the fabric of the McMinnville community.

    But Thursday — in death — those fragile ties were strengthened as more than 200 mourners, many of them strangers, came out to memorialize the six and say good-bye.

    At a funeral service organized by Janet Bryant's siblings at Bethel Baptist Church in McMinnville, little girls shed tears in the comforting arms of their moms and grandmas. Couples listened as The Rev. Bard Marshall advised them to reach out to their neighbors.

    Sharon Roe, Janet Bryant's sister, asked that anyone struggling with depression or despair reach out for help.

    Roe thanked the community for its outpouring of support. She called the entire family beloved.

    "They will always be near and dear to our hearts," Roe said.

    On Feb. 23, investigators say, Robert Bryant shot and killed his sons, Clayton, 15, and Ethan, 12; his daughters, Ashley, 9, and Alissa, 8; and his wife, Janet, 37, before turning the gun on himself.

    New to the area, their bodies went undiscovered in their temporary manufactured home for nearly three weeks. The discoveries shocked the community and the Bryants' friends and family in northern California.

    The family had moved to Oregon last summer in an apparent attempt to get away from a past that included a painful estrangement from their Jehovah's Witnesses church and some family members. Robert Bryant was believed to have been depressed.
    Roe, her husband Marvin, two of their children and Janet Bryant's brother, Tim Smith, were the only family members at the McMinnville service, said Scott Macy of Macy & Son Funeral Directors. Macy believed that Robert Bryant's family planned to hold its own service in Shingle Springs, Calif.

    Standing behind brightly-colored banners and pictures sent by McMinnville school children, Pastor Marshall recalled Roe's memories of the family.

    Robert Bryant was remembered as humble, hard working, honest and a man of integrity.

    Janet Bryant was a great mother and a good cook. She loved roses.

    The children attended McMinnville schools. They were excited about a new boat. They loved the beach.

    "We cannot know why this tragedy took place, and it was a tragedy," Marshall said.

    "I feel somewhat guilty that I did not meet the Bryants, did not reach out to them, did not help them."

    Many others did, too. The Seipp family came to the service because their daughter, McKenzie, 8, was Alissa's best friend in school.
    Her mom, Dana Seipp, said she wished she could have met the parents and wondered if she might have made a difference.

    Dana and her husband Dale have tried to help their children cope with the sadness, letting them sleep on their bedroom floor the past week.

    "I feel really sad," McKenzie said.
    "I'll miss not being able to play with her.

    Daniel Barnett, 10, was a classmate of Ashley Bryant.

    "She was just such a nice person. She didn't have one mean thing to say to anybody," Daniel said. "If I didn't come, I would feel like I didn't care."

    His mom, Eve Barnett, said she thought the service would help the entire community recover.

    "I feel that having a memorial service was really important to all the people in the community."

    Linda Hampton, 67, never met the family and knows only what she has seen in the newspaper or on TV since the bodies were discovered. She said she felt compelled to attend and planned to pray for the entire family.

    "I think it's such a tragic thing," Hampton said, "and I wish there was something that could be done about it."

    Cara Roberts Murez can be reached at (503) 399-6750.

    Copyright 2002 Statesman Journal, Salem, Oregon

  • Pathofthorns
    Pathofthorns

    Thanks for representing everyone here dave and thanks for sharing such a painful experience in the way you have.

    I'm sure most of us who have been in churches can relate to that uneasy feeling and after all is said and done to be face to face with all of these "wicked people" that we once believed were to be destroyed, it just shatters the lies we were taught.

    It was nice to hear of such a caring attitude of an entire community and the mention of the 'white wreath' that stated "shunned no more".

    I'm sure your balanced perspective and understanding of what may have shaped and influenced the thinking of these individuals who passed away was of great value to the reporter.

    This is a very sad issue that might highlight how close many of us came to the edges of our sanity and stared suicide in the face during those moments when what was our whole world seemed to come crashing down around us.

    Hopefully the careful and respectful bringing of these issues to the attention of the public can prevent further tragedies.

    Path

  • outnfree
    outnfree

    (((((Dave)))))

    Starting my day with tears rolling down my cheeks and gratitude in my heart because you were there when I could not be. Thank you for making me and others here feel we had a tiny share in paying respects to the Bryants with your presence.

    outnfree

    It's what you learn after you know it all that counts -- John Wooden

  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the report. I know exactly what your talking and then some.

    Guest 77

  • Dutchie
    Dutchie

    Dave, you gave an excellent description of the funeral and I am greatly anticipating the next part of your story. Thank you for sharing so exquisitely your experience at the funeral.

  • Will Power
    Will Power

    Thank you so much for that touching report. It brought tears. Tears for all who have to endure the pain, the scars.

    will

  • MadApostate
    MadApostate

    Bryant recalled as loving father

    Published: March 21, 2002

    <photo>

    Janet Bryant's sister, Sharon Roe of Diamond Springs, Calif., recalls her brother-in-law Robert as a very loving and dedicated husband and father who was probably suffering from severe depression.

    Tom Ballard / News-Register

    By DAVID BATES
    Of the News-Register

    Sharon Roe steeled herself to say a few words at memorial services held late this afternoon for her sister, Janet Bryant, and the rest of the Bryant family. She just prayed she'd have the strength to say them.

    Last week, a police officer and a clergyman showed up on Roe's doorstep in Diamond Springs, Calif., in the middle of the night. Police officers do not bring good news in the middle of the night, but this one's message was particularly horrific.

    Authorities in Oregon had found Janet Bryant, her four children and her husband, Robert, all dead in their McMinnville home. Robert Bryant had killed the rest of the family with a shotgun, then taken his own life with a final blast.

    As McMinnville reels from the shock of the largest mass murder in Oregon in nearly 20 years, Roe and her husband, Marvin, are grieving as deeply as anyone.

    It's important to her to tell people about her nieces and nephews - Clayton, 15, Ethan, 12, Ashley, 9, and Alissa, 8. She wants to share their special qualities.
    Clayton was the quiet, reserved one - more like his parents than his siblings.

    Ethan was protective of his sisters and something of a romantic. He'd pick flowers for his mother on a whim. He taught his sisters how to make bracelets and baskets.

    Ashley was sweet and sensitive. She would leave surprise notes for her Uncle Marvin.

    The youngest, Alissa, was Janet's best friend. And big sister Janet was Sharon's best friend in turn.
    Most of all, Roe wants to tell people about Robert Bryant.

    Like you, she's read the reports coming through the media. She's seen him described precisely the way she remembers him - unassuming, friendly, hardworking and clearly adored by his children. But she's also heard the phrase "domestic violence" bandied about - irresponsibly, in her opinion.

    Even if it's true that domestic violence is really about control, and that murder is the ultimate act of control, Roe wants the community to know that virtually nothing Robert Bryant ever did or said hinted at pending violence. Nothing.

    "Rob was a very loving and dedicated husband and father," she said. "I don't think any less of my brother-in-law than I did before, I really don't."

    The harshest physical discipline he ever administered with his children, Roe recalls, was a smack on the bottom.

    When he took the family out for a meal, and was worried about money, he encouraged his kids to order first, and whatever they wanted. He would happily settle for a salad or bowl of soup.

    Like Janet and Sharon, he grew up in the Jehovah's Witness faith. Like them, he broke with that faith about three years ago, but remained a devout Christian who read the Bible regularly and thoughtfully.

    While still in his 20s, this future church elder was humble enough to ask her - then a teen-ager - her opinion about scriptures, Roe recalled.

    Roe does not condone what Bryant did, nor does she see it as God's unfathomable will. In fact, as awful as this day was in the life of this community and her family, she feels it offers the potential for a teachable moment.

    And Roe is adamant in maintaining that moment has nothing to do with domestic violence and everything to do with mental illness.

    "Rob needed to reach out, and he didn't know how," she said in an extended Wednesday interview.

    In hindsight, the signs are burned into Roe's memory. She and other family members were familiar with what they called Bryant's "doom and gloom" days - days when he could barely cope.

    Since they weren't matched by exhilarating highs on other days, Roe suspects he was not suffering from manic-depressive disorder. But she feels he was clearly suffering from depression - severe, suffocating depression.

    "He stressed over things way more than people normally would," she recalled. "He would just sit there going over scenarios in his head, and he would always focus on the worst scenario."

    And in truth, he had a lot to stress over.

    His break with the church was far more traumatic than those of the two women, because he was an elder who disagreed with his church over doctrinal issues. Unlike them, he was formally disfellowshipped.

    The disfellowshipping deprived him of both the support of his church and the support of his parents and siblings, duty bound to cut off all contact with him.

    Since the clientele for his landscaping business was largely from the Witness faith, his business crumbled, forcing him into bankruptcy.

    New evidence is emerging that serious financial woes followed him to Oregon. He was having a hard time upholding that most basic of functions - caring for his family.
    Then there is the wrenching move from the place where he had spent his entire life to a place where he had no ties at all. A private man without his church for support, he did not readily establish a new support circle.

    Roe said her older sister must not have realized how serious things had gotten.

    When Robert's doom and gloom days hit, she didn't know how to respond. And he didn't know how to ask for help.

    Roe has suffered bouts of depression herself, so she has at least some idea of the emotional quagmire he was quietly sinking into. While she cannot even fathom the depths to which he ultimately sank, she maintains there was nothing sinister about the man, even though his final scream was astonishingly horrific.

    So she plans to end her brief statement today with a teachable moment.

    If you're hurting, she says, get help. If you see someone hurting, reach out.

    "We all need help at times," she said. "It's not a weakness."

  • Amazing
    Amazing

    Thanks for sharing this Dave. Your opening of your trip to McMinneville is so familiar to me ... makes me miss Oregon. I appreciate the detail and and your style of telling this ... and look forward to reading the next part. Thanks for taking the time to be there and be our eyes and ears to such a sad tragedy.

  • WildHorses
    WildHorses

    I have a lump in my throat.

    Dave, thank you for letting us be a part of this by your going and sharing the details.

    It is truely a shame that this happened, but the worst part is that it never had to happen , had shunning not been a practice of the JW religion, I am sure things would have turned out differently.

    Thanks again Dave

    I don't want someone in my life I can live with. I want someone in my life I can't live without.
  • patio34
    patio34

    Thanks Dave for your account of the funeral. Such a tragedy. Will read the next installment.

    Pat

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