I've been shunned from my sister's wedding

Quotes

The following is the contents of a hand-written letter I just received from my (21 year old) sister, who is getting married May 18. For some reason, I thought that she would let love and compassion be stronger than WT programming. But I was wrong. Yeah, it sucks.

*** MY QUESTION FOR THE BOARD ***
WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHOULD I GO TO THE CEREMONY AT THE KINGDOM HALL WITH MY WIFE? Would that just be "validating" their way of thinking? My wife thinks we should just skip the whole thing.
****

BTW, the names have been changed/removed to protect the innocent, and emphasis has been added by me.

...
So far, there is only one thing that isn't the way I would ideally like it. Since you disassociated yourself, I have not been able to see you nearly as much as I have liked over the last few years. It has been very hard for me because you know how much I love you! I realize, and understand that your life was really, undescribably rough at the time, and you felt a lot of resentment, and I can't say that I wouln't have done the same thing. But I wish you didn't, and I pray every night that one day you'll take it back, and come back to Jehovah! But because you have isolated yourself from the organization, I cannot invite you to my reception, my hands are tied. I wish I could, you mean so much to me, but there is nothing I can do. It's just one of the unfortunate consequences of the step you took, the life you chose. But, since Kingdom Halls are public places, I can, and do, invite you to the ceremony. Please come to my wedding {Quotes}, it would mean the world to man and J*** -- he really likes you. (I talk about you so much, he feels he knows you.) It will be held at a Kingdom Hall in K*******, at 2 o'clock on May 18th. You are my brother, I love you -- we have alway had a special connection. Oh please, come! I want you to come, I want to take family pictures with you and {your wife}. (I love her too!)
Please don't be upset with me {Quotes}, it's not like there's an option. I realize {your wife} probably won't understand, it will be hard for you to explain, I'm sorry. I don't know if it makes things easier, or worse, but I can invite {your wife} to the supper, you two will have to discuss it and decide.
I love you both very much, and hope you will come and see me get married -- I hope!

As they say in TV sports: "Ouch, that's gotta hurt."

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peaceloveharmony

quotes, sorry man, that does suck.

same thing happened to me when my brother got married. except i didn't even get a personal invitation to the wedding, he sent a message thru my mom. i went, sat in the front with my boyfriend and didn't talk to a single jw there. taking family pictures was a real trip....hard to smile genuinely standing in the midst of your jw dysfunctional family, while your worldly family looks on and later wonders why you didn't show up at the reception.

go to the ceremony if that's what you want to do. i don't know your family dynamics but for me i felt i had a right to be there and didn't want to miss my bro's wedding. although, after the ceremony i broke down and cried my eyes out. my poor boyfriend didn't know what to do with me. anyways, wishing you well whatever you decide.

love
harmony

Mr Ben

In my opinion...

Send her a letter telling her that you love her, and that you will do whatever she wishes and that you promise to see her soon.

Add that you wonder what she will say to anyone who tells her that the JW's don't split up families.

If she wasn't born in the cult ask her if - when she was studying - if she had been told by the study conductor that being a JW would include banning her own family from her wedding, how would she have felt? Would she have still joined? If not why not? I.e. get to think in her pre-cult personality.

Best wishes,
Mr Ben

Religion n.
An organisation designed to promote atheism.

Angharad

Sorry (((Quotes))).

When we got married I couldnt invite my df'd brother. My parents and I have NEVER shunned him which a lot of people didnt and still dont (in my parents case)approve of. But we felt it was what was expected, its something a really regret now

JBean

This really SUCKS!!! DAMN those "in charge" in the congregation who have put, no, FORCED this upon your sister!!! I would attend the wedding if you and your wife desire... but personally, I would opt out of pictures, etc. I personally would feel so used by this... get in the family pictures, smile... now see ya later, chum. NO WAY!!! If I couldn't go and enjoy the reception they'd see my face for the vows and that's it. Your sister needs to understand that she and the rest of the JW's CANNOT have it both ways!!!! Whew... sorry, that wore me out! This really hits home and I cannot abide by the 2-faced people in the organization!!!!! [v}

Quotes

Thanks peaceloveharmony, Mr Ben, and Angharad.

Mr Ben, to clarify. My sister, 4 brothers, and myself were all "rasied int the Truth". Her brainwashing goes pretty deep. I know, I was once right were she is now: getting married at 21 on the first long weekend in May, thinking Armageddon will be here RSN (real soon now).

I guess what I really want to do is show her that I am not the disgusting person that the WT tells here all "apostates" are. IOW, to be "the bigger man". Unfortunately, I feel like I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't..

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For interesting Watchtower Society literature quotes, complete with references but without any editorial, check out:
http://Quotes.JehovahsWitnesses.com

Sargon

That's a sad story, Quotes. Your blood ties should be stronger than any artificial ties. It's bullshit that the org is trying to drive a wedge into your family. What should be the happiest day of your sisters life is tainted by an organization that claims to love and respect her. What a crock of crap. I hope that you and your wife do go to the ceremony... maybe you can arrange another reception, after the honeymoon for people who really love and respect your sister.

Imagination is more important than Knowledge. Albert Einstein

Quotes

Thanks JBEAN, I never thought of it that way: that I'm being used.

I can just imagine the pics being shown around to someone 5 or 10 years from now to someone: "And that's my brother Peter, he's an apostate."

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For interesting Watchtower Society literature quotes, complete with references but without any editorial, check out:
http://Quotes.JehovahsWitnesses.com

joelbear

Quotes,

I have faced this situation many times in my life with my witness family and have done things differently at different times.

This is a classic case of Jehovah's Witnesses wanting it all. Its okay for a hater of Jehovah to be included in the family pictures, but not for one to be present at the reception.

She wants the happy family memory of you being at her wedding and that will help to salve her conscience for excluding you from the celebration at the reception. She gets her memory and gets to keep her conscience clean.

It is truly mind boggling what mental gymnastics they are capable of.

I've played it both ways and found that I was most satisfied when I took the loving approach myself and involved myself as much as was allowed by the family. It creates an awkward situation for the DFed DAed one, but in the long run you will be able to say in your heart you did the loving thing.

Take care

Joel

KistByQpid

Unbelieveable. ***My disclaimer...I'm not a JW, never been one*** but I just don't get it. Why do JW's think that leaving the org equates "leaving Jehovah"? What mental gymnastics do they have to do in order to come up with that conclusion?

I'm an only child, so maybe my opinion isn't worth much with these sibling issues...but I think I'd take your wife's advise and skip the whole ordeal. Why play the WT game? Some people (family included) are simply toxic...and I don't care what religion they practice...of course, some "religions" are just more TOXIC than others. If you do not agree with this second class treatment, don't subject yourself to it. Just my .02 cents.

I've been shunned from my sister's wedding

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