Best EZ 1 Liners to Say to Witnesses?

by LV101 62 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  darth frosty

  I dropped a great one on a dub the other day. Was getting my oil changed and on the Today show they were talking about Tom Cruise scientolgy and all that crap. This lady sitting next to me was shaking her head and remarked 'that religion is a mess!'

  I corrected her "ALL religions are a mess!" while noticing the WT (kool aide version) in her lap. she ask if I am familiar with the JW's I tell her I served at bethel. She gets all bright eyed and ask what hall I go to?

  I get my big kool-aide smile on my face and tell her proudly I do not attend the KH no more! She says 'Oh you are disfellowshiped? Than I drop this jewel on her:

  NO! Why would you automatically think the worse of me?

  OH ya'll should've seen the look on her face! she starts stammering and back pedaling so I let her off the hook and say its ok its like a conditioned response programed into you! ;-)
• 

  TOTH

  JW Question: Wouldn't you like to live forever in a paradise Earth?

  My Response: Not if I have to live with a bunch of Jehovah's Witnesses....

  Stolen from a stand up comic decades ago...
• 

  Elephant

  Justchrist wrote-

  My top ten:

  1. Has the Watchtower ever taught anything that was scripturally incorrect?

  2. Is it possible that they are teaching things that are scripturally incorrect today?

  3. Since the Watchtower has received new light about the generation that saw 1914, does this mean that those that those Jehovah's Witnesses that were disfellowshiped for the same view that the organization NOW has before they taught it will now automatically be reinstated?

  4. Why are you called, "Jehovah's Witnesses" and not "Christians"? Since Jehovah's Witnesses appeal to Isa 43:12; 44:8 for scriptural support that they should be called, "Jehovah's Witnesses" then what was the "new name" prophesied in Isa 62:2? Can't be "Jehovah's Witnesses", for God already used it 20 chapters earlier. Could the new name be "Christian" after our savior "Christ"?

  5. If the name "Jehovah" is so important, then why does Acts 4:12 say, "There is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name [v10 Jesus Christ] under heaven that has been given among men, by which we must be saved"? Would this not have been the logical place for God to have used the name "YHWH"?

  6. Jn 1:3 says that Jesus created "all things", but in Isa 44:24, God says that he "by myself" created the heavens and the earth and asks the question "Who was with me?" when the heavens and the earth were created. How can this be since if Jesus was created by God, then he would have been with God when everything else was created?

  7. If the spirit of a man has no existence apart from the body, why does Stephen just before his death in Acts 7:59, pray to Jesus to "receive my spirit"? How could Jesus receive Stephen's spirit if a man's spirit ceases to exist when the body dies?

  8. If there are 144,000 spirit anointed people who have a heavenly hope, and a great crowd of people who have another hope of everlasting life on paradise earth, why does Paul say that there is only ONE hope (Eph 4:4), instead of two?

  9. In Rev 19:1, where does it say that the "great crowd" will be?

  10. To what was Jesus referring to by the term "this temple" in Jn 2:18- 19?

  **

  here are some quick answers-

  1 & 2 - No

  3- im sure you wont be df'ed for having a 'point of view'.

  4-actually, we DO call ourselves christians...

  5-correct, Jesus IS so important since all things are made possible through him.

  6-you are absolutely right, Jesus was there the whole time...

  7- it would depend on your definition of 'spirit', no?

  8 & 9- i must read these scriptures first.

  Elephant
• 

  Bella15

  Going with this one myself they are at my door ... he he he" How much of the $28 million legal settlement for child molesting the Watchtower has to pay will come out of donations you have made?"
• 

  jgnat

  Them: We've missed you at the meeting.

  You: I've missed you too. You have my number. Call and we can do coffee some time.

  Them: The last district convention was so wonderful.

  You: Really? What was the subject of the keynote speaker?

  Them: (Deeply personal question, as in your current state of spirituality, beliefs)

  You: That question is too personal. (optional addition) Do you perfume your toilet paper?

  Them: (Deeply personal question, as in your current state of spirituality, beliefs)

  You: Do you really want to know? (Works best with a hard stare. Most don't dare want to know. Someone who tried this on her Aunt got a positive response, and the Aunt remained respectful. Turned out the Aunt was having doubts herself.)

  Them: (Deeply personal question, as in your current state of spirituality, beliefs)

  You: I've read a really good book on this recently, about [Toxic Parents, Boundaries]. Want me to lend it to you?

  Them: (Latest Kingdom Hall gossip; who's having an affair with who, yadda)

  You: I'm beginning to see why Paul slipped gossipers and slanderers in with the fornicators. What a downer.

  My favorite conversations are when I practice Steve Hassan's principles and I flip them out of the cultic personality (boring and predictable) in to the natural personality. I pick up on some natural talent or hobby, perhaps something uniquely personal about their dress, and have a long, pleasant secular conversation. If they flip back in to the cultic, I let my eyes glaze over and give a neutral reply, "mmm".
• 

  Christ Alone

  Interesting responses, Elephant. However, the Watchtower's own words contradict what you say.

  1. Have they ever taught anything that was scripturally incorrect? Your response is fasinating. I don't think I've ever met a JW that would say this. Most will acknowledge that the Watchtower has taught MANY things that were incorrect and then had to change them later. Was this just dishonesty on your part, or do you truly believe that they have never taught the wrong thing? I appeal to their previous celebration of Christmas. Of course this is not scripturally wrong, but JWs believe it is. How bout the teaching that Jesus first came in 1799 or 1874?

  2. Same response. If you go back and see what they USED to teach and had to change it, isn't there a chance (no matter how slight...) that they could be teaching something wrong now?

  3. In a letter to the Circuit Overseers and Body of Elders, the Watchtower said that to be df'd for apostasy, you don't have to speak about or tell others about your views. All it takes is to BELIEVE them. If you BELIEVE that the Watchtower is wrong on something, that is enough to get you df'd. The letter was recently posted on this site. As soon as I find it, I will repost so you can see proof. Edit: See the letter at the bottom of this post.

  4. No no no. You do not introduce yourselves as Christians. If someone asks if you are, you will say yes. But your title is "Jehovah's Witnesses". There is no precident of this in the Bible. No one called themselves by this name. This was a name fabricated out of thin air by Rutherford.

  5. The scriptures says that there is NO other name greater than Jesus. His name is above all other names (including Jehovah). By no other name can we be saved (including Jehovah). So again, why the focus on Jehovah and not Jesus? Why downgrade him to an angel? Why, when at the last convention, did I count the name Jehovah said 250 times in a single day, and Jesus name mentioned 8 times?

  6. You miss the point. God said He created ALL BY HIMSELF. Not WITH Jesus. Read the verse again (and the context).

  7. My definition of spirit does not matter. The Watchtower's is what is in question. They say the spirit ceases to exist after someone stops breathing. Then why did Stephen ask for Jesus to receive his spirit after he died if it wouldn't exist anymore?

  8,9,10: I'll be interested to see what your answers are after you "go home and do some research and come back with the answer" (JW speak for, see what the Watchtower says about it, memorize it, and relate it back to me.
• 

  jgnat

  I thought of some more.

  So will your kid be going to college?

  Could there be other reasons - other than materialism - why it might be smart for a kid to go to college?

  What about natural talent? We sure are fortunate that there are secular surgeons. Wouldn't want to go through a bloodless surgery without them.
• 

  LV101

  WOW --- some more great comments. Thank you all. I'm going to read tonite when I find time and respond asap.
• 

  JimmyPage

  I will always be closer to Jehovah than you are- I'm taller than you.
• 

  Fernando

  • What was Jesus' view of proselytising (teaching religion) according to Matt 23:15?

  • Are you a "publisher of the good news"?

  • How long have you been a "publisher of the good news"?

  • What is the "good news" according to Paul? (then Moses, Isaiah, and Psalms)

  • Is "legalism" apostasy?

  • Where do you stand on "law" versus "grace"

  • Do you have a right standing with God? Why? How?

  • Where do you stand on "faith" versus "works"?

  • How do you reconcile Paul and James on "works"?

  • Please explain "justification" and the legal transaction involved.

  • If everyone in the Bible was a sinner (except for Jesus) who are the "Holy Ones" throughout scripture?

  • Please explain "sanctification" and the legal transaction involved.

  • Please define repentance.

  • Why and when does God grant or withhold repentance?

  • Please define faith.

  • Are religious "belief" and "faith" the same? If yes, then why is "belief" not one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit?

  • According to John 6:53-57 what is Jesus' view of those who reject his blood and flesh at the memorial?