by tornapart 52 Replies latest jw experiences
Boredom. Crushing Boredom. Forced to sit with my dad and his latest bible study. He would do the Sunday WT and it would take 2 hours of a Saturday afternoon. Then, of course, we did the whole thing with the congregation on Sunday.
Good (Sad, in retrospect) memory: How excited I was that I reached the head of the line for buying Circuit Assembly food tickets. Hoagie and a danish would be mine soon!
I was lucky, whenever my school had pep rallies or holiday events I got to go home early. Birthday parties? I got to hang out at the school library (I was always a bookworm).
And I always remembered how my mother would always tell us how "ugly" Christmas decorations were. During my very young years, we weren't allowed to draw hearts for ANY Reason (I don't know why my parents softened their stand on that later.). There was even a time my mother would refuse to buy Kellogg's brand cereals because she heard the company supported the Catholic Church.
Bad memories, hmmmm???? Well, looking back I had it pretty good. I grew up on a farm, played outside all day. The meetings were boring, I never paid that much attention. My father was in the Military when he was young and all his family came into the " truth " while he was away. We have a huge family, only a few are not dubs. I am just now starting to understand how weird that must have been for him. I lacked direction as a child, and went through some years being angry at my parents. Now I realize that my mom was decieved by a cult, and my Dad was often unfairly branded as an un-believer, whatever that means. My parents did thier best, and I am realizing now, as I approach 40, how cool and honest my dad is, and very generous and kind-hearted. He is " studying " now. I really think he just does it because he thinks he needs to for his own children to respect him. He has no idea about my feelings about TTATT. I need to clue him in soon. My mom was cool too. She was a women trying to raise kids, in a religiously divided home, she did not know any better. My parents fought some, but not too much. My mom bought me some cool toys, some of which I still have in a box. My childhood was not too bad, I was an introvert so I could be happy alone with a book when times were bad. I was depressed and faked many illnesses to skip school. My mom knew I was faking and playing Zelda in the basement, it was all good as long as I made up my assignments. We did not go in service much, or have many family studies so I learned to think and reason logically, well that is wrk in progress... I had some good teachers who helped me learn to reason, and i could read, and I have never been afraid to look at whatever information is available. I guess that helped too. My mom took psychology in school and always though outside the box, so I am a little puzzled as to why she became a dub. Family pressure maybe? I guess when your whole family comes in you just go with it. We have access to so much more information about the WTBTS available than our parents did. I wonder what my parents would have learned if they had the internet back then???
My biggest regret is that my Father did not make me get more education. I know going to school would have change my life. I realize now that only having a high-school education severely limits your freedom and options in life.
One funny thing that I have just realized is that I have never completely read 1 book from the WTBTS! I have never read any new publications at conventions either! I just never really bought into it. Now I have decisions to make like the rest of us. I do regret the Us VS Them mentality. I missed out on making some good friends because everyone was " worldly " and bad association. I was also a real holier-than-thou jerk to people sometimes, and I wish I could undo those things....
I remember having to eat lunch by myself at school rather than form friends that would just have to be told "No" if I were invited to anything outside of school. My mom went inactive so our family was shunned by the Witnesses but on the other hand, we were not allowed to have "worldly friends." Being alone became the norm. When she decided to get back into the organisation, we were expected to immediately embrace it without question.
The constant judging and feeling like we didn't really belong anywhere was very, very painful. I often wondered what else about me wasn't normal.
I remember the folding wooden chairs that we had in our KH. They only had one strip of wood about 4" wide as the backrest. I can remember sitting there trying to keep from falling through the back of the chair. Hall had no A/C (1960's) Try peeling your legs and butt off the seat when you're 5 years old and your dress is short. It felt like your skin was coming off.
I was always a fidgety kid and had many trips 'out the back' as a kid. I got most of my spankings at the hall. I hated going there even as an adult. Huge Snorefest.
Worst fear---running into classmates in service! -Leslie-
I have appreciated reading what others have gone thru.
Some stories have made me laugh, but mostly it is all too sad.
The society has taken so much from us.
My mother had affairs with elders (servants) in our congregation.
Her long time boyfriend, his, 1/2 brother, was a pedophile.
When they would visit together, dad was at work, older kids at school. She got the brother she wanted and would send the other to my room. There was nothing I could do. I realized if I told, no one would believe me. My mom beat on me all the time as it was. I kind of numbed out. A short time boyfriend of hers was our presiding overseer. The other was our book study "servant". Mom was all about appearing righteous. She pioneered every April and Oct and commented a lot. She and dad died as "faithful" dubs. Her long time boyfriend/lover died as a faithful elder. The pedophile died a faithful door to door dub. And me. I am trying to hold my life together.
Holy 1,200 furlongs Lois Lane!!! I am so sorry you went through that! We had a dirty old man in our neighborhood and he messed with my family members and that behavior was brought into our home. If he had not died before I grew up, I may have taken the law into my own hands. To this day I don't think my dad knows. I was messed with by a family member, who now has a postion of authority in the congregation, and as far as i know always will. Although at the time they were a minor, it still bothers me. Not as much now, but I know how it feels to be sucker-punched by all those feelings from time to time. For me they always hit just when I was starting to think I was " normal ", kind of like I had to be reminded that I was damaged goods.... I have another family member who has been DF'd for years because they had so many issues due to abuse. They never got the help they needed, just a JC meeting.
I know how bad it hurts sometimes, and I did not experience the same level of abuse as you did. I hope you are okay. I don't really know you but BIG HUGS from one member of the human family to another!! I am really, really sorry you went through that...
Where do I start?
Boring three day assemblies. Sitting in Twickingham stadium on a roasting hot day listening to mind numbing symposiums.
Friday night school and service meetings
Having no friends in the kingdom hall and not allowed to have non JW friends
Being afraid that Jehovah would destroy me at Armageddon because I didn't enjoy the ministry
Not being able to go on a school camping trip
Us vs them mentality
Having to leave the assembly hall when prayers were said
The relentless bullying at school. Being called jovah witness.
Hoping there were no classmates living in the territory we worked
Long coach rides to hayesbridge assembly hall.
I grew up socially awkward and weird. I did get asked out by girls but always turned them down. One girl was persistent at work. I felt so bad.
You grow up being tuned into negative news and I worried about what would happen during the great tribulation. I often had bad dreams about this.
Studying the chapters on sex in the "your youth" book with my mother and eventually the "young people ask" book
Always being told to do more, more, more
The memory of the 69 international assembly in Los Angeles, whatching a "sky write" announcing the landing of the apollo on the moon. The pastrami sandwiches and the release of the 'truth book'.
an experience remembering getting their early to get the seats in the shade...even then the stampede always amazed me, at one moment there like horde of pigs going for its slop, along with its rude characteristic then at the next moment singing 'we are Jehovahs witnesses.'
we and my 3 other brothers and cousins were sitting behind two couples with there infants. one of my brothers 'cut-one', not a moment later the couples are checking the diapers of the babies. If only they could talk.
In some of my entries I mentioned my father maybe attended 3,4 meeting, the memorials because all his infidal brothers and friends were there. To mention this was a very small town. when it came to 'get-togethors' he hardly ever missed and would in this aspect be considered a pioneer.
The Dodger Stadium international, he and my uncles would stayed in the parking lot bbqing and drinking beer..We were hungry, but couldn't partake because one of my aunts said its eating meat sacrified to idols. At that age and time we were 'just bounceing ball' Alot has changed............................................THERE IS NO ABSOLUTE TRUTH
ughh not being able to date. That was the killer for me.
