by BU2B 40 Replies latest jw friends
Bring her flowers and remind her YOUR LOVE is unconditional.
Take her away for the weekend. She is having a melt. Use the bible and only JW publications if any of this comes up again...and only ask questions...and only if asked.
WTBT$ does not play fair...neither should you.
| I had to choose between living a lie and seeing all the hypocricy and dying inside, choose between that and my family. My parents are die hards, I dont have any friends in the org or out really aside from my wife. | |
| BU2B |
This is a very difficult situation for you to be in. Sometimes, I wonder,what kind of life I would have had if I married my JW sweetheart I was dating. Its amazing my guts told me this is not right. There is something wrong and now, years later, I get relief in knowing that I did what was right. In your case, I hope all goest well for you. Its important for to be who you are and want to be not because your signficant others wants to you follow her. No way. Never give in.
Scott77
DOC said:
YES! LIE! LIE! LIE! Someone with the potential to do such harm to you and your family does NOT deserve anything from you! NOT even the truth.
Generally speaking, do you think it's wise for OP to deny sentiments that OP and his wife both know he said to her, and hence now in effect he's calling his wife a liar by denying it? How exactly does that build up her trust in him?
Granted, they need to discuss this as adults, as unfortunately she has now spread this outside of just an interpersonal issue, so they need to come up with a strategy to deal with the mess she created by running to his parents and "telling" on him.
I think it is possible to apologise to her without saying you are wrong. Balamsass and I do it all the time. One or the other of us says, "I'm sorry we had words" or "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings" or "I should have been more tactful in the way I expressed myself" or "Can we agree to disagree?"
These kinds of statements convey you are trying to make peace. If the other person is loving, he/she will accept the gesture and move on.
Sorry to hear this- it brought back some unhappy memories from 1988- My JW wife was not happy, either.
It is still best, IMO , to be honest and live the life that is meant to be- for you it will be totally free from the domination of the WT corporation. I suggest that, if she is still unhappy, that you talk to her about marriage counseling- IF, she will agree, then there may be some hope. You will be unable to say much more about the WT religion from now on (she won't trust your words)- - she has the right to believe what she chooses to believe.
JWs are masters at deceiving their own hearts- they say they are happy, but it is a lie- JWs are a miserable lot. If she will admit to just one tiny thing she is unhappy about as a JW that will be a start- Good luck
Finally, if she could only see what really goes on in the WT writing dept, she could see her faith is misplaced-- There is no faithful and discreet slave- never was and never has been one real live person with that title- I would call Bethel (speaker phone- record it) and ask them, if they are real people (where, who names?) or just a literary device (what a WT lawyer admitted, to in court). It might help.Good Luck.
BU2B,
I've sent you a PM.
I hope it's not too late for you to benefit from this experience: this could be very helpful to you. I wish I could have been as patient with my family.
BU 28 you both just need to take a break and chill.You both need to take 10 deep breaths ,calm down ,give yourselves a couple of days ,and then quietly,calmly,speak about your differences without jw influences(by that I mean jw`s present) If you both love each other you can work this out. I`m rooting for you both.
smiddy
Hello all, I am back. I thank you all so much for your loving concern for my situation and suggestions. I got cut off on my original post, all I could do is hit submit and close the computer as she was coming up the front porch. Before she left I aksed her show me the proof of a Govening Body in the 1st century, or centralized structure. SHe said well Timothy was on the GB, I said show me where from the Bible! I asked who writes the publications? Mostly people on the writing department who arent even of the FDS, so how are they providing the food? I also asked her if she knew that the YHWH tetragrammaton does not appear in the Greek Scriptures in any of the 5000 manuscripts? How was it inserted without proof. She said "WHAT DO YOU KNOW, YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING, YOU THINK YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THE SLAVE NOW?" She said Jah is blessing the org as they are the only religion growing, others are drying up. I stated "that is just incorrect an Muslims, Mormons, and others are growing at the same of greater rate." She said sarcastically, well what are u gonna be a Muslim now?" She kept saying I dont know anything, "do these people online care about you, do they know better? SHould we just burn the watchtowers now since they are no good?" Mind you she is NEVER like this but obviously I was touching the most sensitive nerve any JW has. She said she has no doubt that I may have more info than her but she has FAITH. I said "who does the Bible say to put faith in? It says not to put trust in man to whom NO SALVATION BELONGS!" bUT JWs cannt seperate God from the organization, as if they have a symbiotic relationship!! She said who do you put faith in, I said Jesus, she said well what will you preach now? I said I will talk to people when appropriate about putting faith in the ransom and that Jesus died for our sins and died and was raised up. Living a clean life as best I can and helping people out. She scoffed at this and said I know JW has the truth and I am fooling myself. Also she said I will do anything it takes for me and my child to get life with or without you. She at this point was just tuning me out saying she dosent want to hear any more as I sound like a 'postate. She said where did you get this info I said JWfacts and CoC by Ray Franz and ISOCF. She then ran out the door.
The situation only got worse. She came in and informed me that my parents are now on the way. How much worse can it get. My dad is an elder, die hard, my mom a pioneer die hard, fully indoctrinated. As many moms would in her situation I feared she would be hysterical. I am already so mentally broken down from the stress of the day, but I know theres nothing I can do. I already knew theres nothing I can do to help my dad see the truth so I just sat there and talked. He said that my wife expressed that I had some "doubts" now I do not have doubts but am 100% assured that the WT is not Gods org. I brought up UN NGO issue and he basically questioned the source, the validity of the claims. I brought up the hypocricy of the stance on for example, YMCA membership. I cant join the YMCA to use the pool so how can the WT align with the UN to use the Library?! He seemed taken aback at first as he did not know about this but of course a controlled mind must justify any inconsistencies. Then I brought up Flip Flops. If the light gets consistently brighter then how can things like WHo are the superior authorities change from Russell- Government to Rutherford- God and Christ to Current- Governments.
Each change was hailed as truth and had to be accepted as such. I asked, If holy spirit is directing all changes, then why and how did it direct Rutherford to the wrong teaching when Russell already had it right?
THen I brought up organ transplants, from approved, to banned, back to approved. He said "well the slave rarely comes out and says you CAN or CANT do something they usually leave it up to individuals" THIS IS JUST FALSE! He should know better. I said If things keep changing how can they be so dogmatic!
He served at bethel in the Mid 80s after the purge. He went on about how people who were loyal saw Jehovahs spirit sweep bethel clear of corrupting evil influesces such as Ray Franz and ED Dunlap. They are like the evil slave who beat their fellow slaves. This broke my heart because after reading his books and seeing how unjustly he was treated and he still did not hold hatred and animosty for the people who did this to him. He actually went out of his way to avoid miischarachterizing anyone, his tone was so warm, so loving, and honest. Not like the WT kool aid edition with its vitriol agaist former members. Such slander has been heaped upon Poor Ray Franz and all the while he is accused by loyalists of slandering the org.
He went on about the poison that is apostate info, how it may be 90% accurate but the 10% is false fools you. He even compared things written by ex members to Judas Iscariot writing a tell all about his time with Jesus and the apostles.
He said all apostates are motivated by hate, hate for God, Jesus and the friends. He said now I will be looking at friends with a bad light viewing them suspiciously.. This is not the case as I view them as sincere and overall decent people on average but ignorant of TTATT. I feel bad for them if anything.
The common theme is you werent studying enough, or not studying the right things etc. The truth is though that it really just means I didnt indoctrinate myself enough. Now when I read a WT I see all the classical mind control techniques used and hypocricy, scriptures taken out of context etc.
He stated how God dosent micromanage his org, lets things go to a certain point then he steps in, like with the celebration of holidays and use of the cross, all the while Im sitting there thinking, how all evidence shows Jesus was crucified on the cross!
At this point though I grew silent, nodding my head slowly, taking it in. This was a losing conversation, everyone loses. I came to the realizatio that most likely my wife will be forever stuck in as will my parents be. My mind is free but if I ever left physically I would be viewed as a tool of satan and obstacle to her salvation and I cannot deal with living that way. I need time to sort out what I am going to do with my life. Im still in my mid 20s and life ahead. My life is not over, its hopefully just beginning. I refuse to put blind faith in humans, with no reason to do so. My dad kept saying how the slave deserves our trust and faith. So sad to hear such mind control be manifest. I saw that day what otherwise nice people can become, their inner selves melded to the BORG collective, not being able to operate independent of it.
He suggested I get "help" from the elders in my hall. If i had to I would BS my way to a reproof, Dont want to DA until I have a concrete plan for my life. I called him the next day and said how our conversation has got me to think and realize the folly of my ways and how I need to get closer to GOd and have a better study schedule. He said thats good to hear, but he cant stress enough the death dealing poison that is satanic Apostates. He also lowered telling the elders to just a if you want, status. Im just biding time so I can think clearly. What a horrible situation that all to many here have went through. Its so hard because these are people we truly love but are hoplessly misguided.
This is terrible news. I can only imagine your anguish with having to deal with that situation. I hope things settle down, but it's never easy. I do feel for you.
This cult has so many stories of grief and heartache to answer for.
Cedars
