Well this afternoon as I sit here I am calm but my heart is literally aching. I am sitting here with my young daughter on my shoulder. I guess you could say I spilled the beans to my wife this afternoon. I went in service this morning reluctantly of course, always thinking of a way to help her to see TTATT. Well I guess she could tell I was stressed out and I slipped and told her she would understand one day what I was going through. She insisted to know what I meant, and I mean Insisted. So I breathed deep and began to talk. She already knows I had some issues with the org, as highlighted in some earlier posts. She is fully indoctrinated and that Is because she studies the publications almost every day and swallows everything told. When I got married I was fully in mentally, my downfall is being a thinker. All she told me after our last conversation was that I should pray, which I do, and study the publications more.
So today I was calm and kind and tried to reason that Gods spirit cannot be upon the org due to massive flip flops and changes like organ transplants, wheather to worship Jesus or not, superior authorities etc. She discounts all this because she is not concerned with facts and past Watchtower history and believes she is simply following what the bible teaches, she started out calm but began to become more and more upset and brought up all the standard rebuttals like where else would we go?, who else preaches, who taught us what we know? She began to become very sarcastic and insulting towards me saying, I sound sooo stupid and immature talking like I am, I was decieved by satan etc. She then really closed her ears to anything else I had to say, saying I dant want to hear anymore.
I had to choose between living a lie and seeing all the hypocricy and dying inside, choose between that and my family. My parents are die hards, I dont have any friends in the org or out really aside from my wife. She was my best friend. Now she told me that she wishes she never married me at all. I told her then our relationship was conditional then. I feel so bad because I realize what a bombshell this is for her. I hurt her so much, and feel bad for it but I the same time I know I am right!
She left to go over my parents house to tell them. Their hearts are going to BREAK! This is so terrible because they really think they KNOW they are right! I love my parents and wife so much and I am now going to lose them over a difference of opinion. This shows by itself that they are not right! She kept saying WHY DONT YOU JUST LEAVE ME THEN! Since now what our whole life is based on is broken.
I am having such thoughts right now of apoligizing, saying I was wrong and staying so I can salvage my relationship with my wife! I love her so much, she is the only person I have ever loved and cant bear the thought of her being apart from me, or worse her living