Worst Day of my life

by BU2B 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • BU2B

    Well this afternoon as I sit here I am calm but my heart is literally aching. I am sitting here with my young daughter on my shoulder. I guess you could say I spilled the beans to my wife this afternoon. I went in service this morning reluctantly of course, always thinking of a way to help her to see TTATT. Well I guess she could tell I was stressed out and I slipped and told her she would understand one day what I was going through. She insisted to know what I meant, and I mean Insisted. So I breathed deep and began to talk. She already knows I had some issues with the org, as highlighted in some earlier posts. She is fully indoctrinated and that Is because she studies the publications almost every day and swallows everything told. When I got married I was fully in mentally, my downfall is being a thinker. All she told me after our last conversation was that I should pray, which I do, and study the publications more.

    So today I was calm and kind and tried to reason that Gods spirit cannot be upon the org due to massive flip flops and changes like organ transplants, wheather to worship Jesus or not, superior authorities etc. She discounts all this because she is not concerned with facts and past Watchtower history and believes she is simply following what the bible teaches, she started out calm but began to become more and more upset and brought up all the standard rebuttals like where else would we go?, who else preaches, who taught us what we know? She began to become very sarcastic and insulting towards me saying, I sound sooo stupid and immature talking like I am, I was decieved by satan etc. She then really closed her ears to anything else I had to say, saying I dant want to hear anymore.

    I had to choose between living a lie and seeing all the hypocricy and dying inside, choose between that and my family. My parents are die hards, I dont have any friends in the org or out really aside from my wife. She was my best friend. Now she told me that she wishes she never married me at all. I told her then our relationship was conditional then. I feel so bad because I realize what a bombshell this is for her. I hurt her so much, and feel bad for it but I the same time I know I am right!

    She left to go over my parents house to tell them. Their hearts are going to BREAK! This is so terrible because they really think they KNOW they are right! I love my parents and wife so much and I am now going to lose them over a difference of opinion. This shows by itself that they are not right! She kept saying WHY DONT YOU JUST LEAVE ME THEN! Since now what our whole life is based on is broken.

    I am having such thoughts right now of apoligizing, saying I was wrong and staying so I can salvage my relationship with my wife! I love her so much, she is the only person I have ever loved and cant bear the thought of her being apart from me, or worse her living

  • stillin

    sorry to hear of all that, BU. I'm in a similar place myself. I believe that love and kindness will win out in the long run. My indoctrinated wife goes absolutely out of control at me and I am not made that way. So she will eventually have to come around to understanding that her super-righteous stand hasn't really meant much in real life.

    But your situation being born-in...man, I'm sorry for you. What a mess to have to deal with!

  • King Solomon
    King Solomon


    First off, congratulations for having the strength to be true to yourself. Some people cannot turn off their logic, and you are one of them (us). You're not willing to subjugate your intellect to your faith, and that's something we can all understand.

    You are absolutely correct: your relationship with her, at least from HER end, IS conditional. Maybe she doesn't even admit it, but that's the case, and she'd have to work to explore whether she's strong enough to follow you, or go with the crowd.

    What YOU said:

    I am having such thoughts right now of apoligizing, saying I was wrong and staying so I can salvage my relationship with my wife! I love her so much, she is the only person I have ever loved and cant bear the thought of her being apart from me, or worse her living

    This suggests that your love for HER is not conditional, but unconditional.

    Unfortunately, you are in an asymmetric relationship, where the old saying applies: "he who loves the least controls the relationship."

    My take is, you are better off knowing that she is effectively lost, weaker, unable to love in the way you deserve to be loved. I don't know how old you are, but it's better to realize this now, than after decades....

    There's no way to bypass the pain you face, but know that we're here, to be your support network. ;)

  • tootired2care

    Man I'm sorry to hear that, what an awful thing this conditional life, love, friends, family is!

    Don't aplogize to her but re-assure that you love her, and stress to her that you just see things differently, and that you have no problem with her going to meetings. Hopefully you can work out something agreeable for your daughters sake.

    I know when I dropped the bomb on my wife it took her several days to even get to the point where she would talk to me again. After a while she came around though and now we both no longer go to meetings. One thing i've come to realize is that after I told her, she started looking at everything in the meetings more critically. It seems that once someone is looking at things from a different perspective than they were raised with that the guilt and fear content of the meetings will do the rest of the work for you in some cases.

    It sounds like your wife is pretty hardcore if she reads that nonsense everyday, but you never know what the next few months will bring now that she will be looking at life through a different lense, perhaps she may come around to seeing things the way you do. My advice is to say nothing critical of the org at this point as that (unless she brings it up) will only push her away farther.

    I hope this works out for you BU2B.

  • JustThatGirl007

    Man, I'm so sorry. :( Just hugs and support. Baltar447 and I left together, thankfully.

  • cofty

    I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Isn't it insane that importnat relationships ar eput in jeopardy becasue you no longer share the same supernatural beliefs?

    Sooner or later you were always going to have to come clean. Your wife may be in shock about it right now but you have to hope that in time she will want to know what you now know.

    I know its easy for me to say but don't panic, tootired2care has offered some good advice above.

  • Rocky_Girl

    I would reassure her that you love her and need her support. Don't talk about TTATT for a while. You have to establish that your doubts about the JWs has nothing to do with your love for her. Focus on your marriage. It says a lot that she ran to your parents about your problems. Do you think you can salvage a relationship with her?

  • jgnat

    Remember that you broke this to her when she was thick in cult thinking. Not that she breaks away very often. But a scared cultist is a HARD CORE cultist.

    By the way, why is your WIFE off talking to YOUR PARENTS about YOUR spiritual condition? I will NEVER get used to the boundary-stomping habits of the Jehovah's Witnesses. This was a job that was yours, and yours alone. Now your parents are getting the information third-hand, not from the source. Not fair to you, not fair to them.

    I'd let things cool off for a few days. Realistically, would her standard of living take a deep dive if the two of you separated? Is she working now? Sometimes reality sets in and the spouse becomes more conciliatory.

    Not much more to do tonight rather than play with your little girl.

  • ziddina

    Uhm..... I am so sorry to hear of the fallout that is arising from your honest declaration of your doubts.

    As somewhat of an "old-timer" on this board, I've seen this far, far too often.

    People begin to "wake up", and instead of staying calm and restrained, they have a visceral response to the realization that they've been horribly lied to, by an organization that claims to be the "mouthpiece of God" but is in fact anything but....

    I would suggest that you search this site for the topic, "How I Got My Family Out".

    There are board members who have successfully extricated their immediate family from the Watchtower Organization. Usually they haven't been able to get parents/siblings out, but some have succeeded in that, too.

    I can tell you right now, it involves biting your tongue a LOT, practising a 'reverse' "Theocratic Warfare", and putting on a bit of an "act" for a while.

    But in the end, having gotten wife [sometimes] and kids [more often] out, it's well worth the sacrifices.

    Oh, and don't let Moshe dissuade you. He's more of a "scorched earth" kinda guy.


  • What-A-Coincidence

    I'm so sorry.

    All we have is NOW. The past is gone forever. regarding your last parragraph. YOU WILL!!! Repeat the mantra, "THIS TOO SHALL PASS".

    A lot of us have been there. You need to reclaim your LIBERTY ... you are a FREE THINKING SOUL. You can't change people, you can only show them the door.

    You can't hurt anybody. No one can hurt you. Us sentient beings lack nothing, we are whole and complete. DONT CREATE STORIES. You need a life plan, get stuff down in writing.


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