The List of 21 changes in Policy are simply Mind-Blowing!

by Terry 15 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Terry
    Terry

    1. Sundays after Field Service: Poker & cigars!!

    2. Plural wives are now allowed (but, only pretty young ones!)

    3. Special silk robes for elders (and maybe fancy headgear)

    4. Announcing a Theme park like Disney World: WATCHTOWERLAND!

    5. The Society now claims ownership of all the janitorial services owned by the brothers

    6. Wednesday's declared "clothing optional"!

    7. Release of new Watchtower publication: "Judge Rutherford's dirty jokes"

    8. Bingo!

    9. Uniforms for the door to door publishers (White robes with detachable Urim and Thummim)

    10. Addition of "slaying in the spirit" during book study!

    11. John Tesh will perform at District Conventions!

    12. Special issue of the Watchtower titled "WE WERE ONLY KIDDING!" ( April 1st edition )

    13. First Thursday of each month: Stone a Shunned One night!

    14. Smoking Breaks!

    15. Minature Jesus figures made of beef jerky for Memorial celebration: "Take eat, this means my body."

    16. Compulsory cooking and house cleaning lessons for elder's wives!

    17.Elders Karaoke Night!

    18.Sexy Sisters in Lingerie edition of the Kingdom Ministry

    19.Confession booth (single sisters confess their fantasies to single brothers followed by Judicial Committee meeting.)

    20. Doctrine change: The people of Sodom and Gomorrah will be resurrected!

    21. Number 20 has been cancelled!

  • Terry
    Terry

    Some of us may now be tempted to return to the Kingdom Hall! Those clever bastards!!

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    LOL Terry, I wouldn't go back even if they instituted a cash bar and hot wings after the meetings

  • rip van winkle
    rip van winkle

    I love this list!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO

  • rebel8
    rebel8

    Announcing a Theme park like Disney World: WATCHTOWERLAND!

    Man, that would be the most boring amusement park in the world.

    Mystery meat hogies and Shasta for lunch, warm cheese danish for dessert...but pray first! Napkins provided for womens' headcoverings at additional charge

    Bungee jumping off a high tower

    Doctrinal changes ride, featuring a giant flip flop shoe fitted with seats that flips and flops back and forth

    No free water fountains, only pioneers selling Shastas out of coolers

    Donation boxes every 5 feet

    The whole park would get built in 5 days

    Dinosaur rides for the young earth creationists

    Gift shop would sell manna and Jesus sandals

    Dramas every hour

    Ushers will manage the waiting lines

    Brothers will be at the gate & won't let any immodestly dressed women in (slip checks, below-the-knee full skirts only)

    Kingdom Melodies piped in throughout the park

  • sooner7nc
    sooner7nc

    I think #5 would cause a damn riot...and also create the largest Custodial Provider in the world.

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    And yet they'd find a way to make you feel guilty for not paying more for admission LOL

  • 3rdgen
    3rdgen

    I draw the line at #11. He's absolutely no improvement

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    1. Sundays after Field Service: Poker & cigars!!

    Or the standard coffee/soda and donuts/ice cream for the ladies and the little ones.


    2. Plural wives are now allowed (but, only pretty young ones!)

    And since premarital sex is not allowed, young brothers can also marry "experienced sisters" at age 14 before adding young pretty ones.


    3. Special silk robes for elders (and maybe fancy headgear)

    Think crowns.


    4. Announcing a Theme park like Disney World: WATCHTOWERLAND!

    It's more like Westworld ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westworld ) than Disney World. There's a great area called Field Service Land where you get to take your anger out on those frigging householders and take their house as if Armageddon has arrived. In the center of Watchtowerland, the clock tower actually says "Any minute" in each spot where the numbers 1-12 typically are.


    5. The Society now claims ownership of all the janitorial services owned by the brothers.

    And all the members get minimum wage and are still expected to donate for the shortages at the Circuit Assemblies.


    6. Wednesday's declared "clothing optional"!

    Terry went overboard with that. It just ain't so. Wednesday is actually "Casual dress day" for field service. But still no pants for women and no slogans on the shirts.


    7. Release of new Watchtower publication: "Judge Rutherford's dirty jokes"

    It's not what you think. It's all the dirty jokes (tricks) he played to seize power and discard anything from Russell.


    8. Bingo!

    But just like they use WTS terms like "spirit-directed" instead of "inspired" and "Kingdom Hall" instead of "Church," they will use "OBEY GB" on their cards.

    Maybe I will offer more on the other changes later. Maybe not.

  • Terry
    Terry

    Well, it's as close to the Reform Church of Jehovah's Witnesses we'll ever get

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