thank you all for the responses.
at one point, i was fairly agnostic. yet i believed in god. maybe i could say i believed in god, but wasn't sure? or i was an agnostic who leaned towards believing in god?
either way i was screwed up. but for the most part, i'd tell people i don't know if there is a god. i can't prove or disprove it, bt in my head, i was fairly convinced there was a god.
don't juudge me, i grew up thinking some old farts in brooklyn could be god's hand but make mistake after mistake :P
i guess i didn't know what i believed and i didn't REALLY think abot it. i was too far in my misery to really be it wasn't ntil my grandmother started dying from cancer that it started coming to the forefront of my mind. i was watching her die and i was really hoping she'd be somewhere nice after. i'd like to see her again, especially after how my family knew the day she passed that that was the end and they didn't even call me to let me say goodbye. it's fucked up.
now as for disproving god, logically, it jst no longer makes sense.
first let's assume god exists and that he created the universe, maybe even just allowed evoltion to happen and all that jazz. at the very least, he did a pretty damn good job of making everything fit together. not only does it work on its own, but we can manipulate the rules and laws within the universe to do amazing things. 20 years from now i'll be in my flying car. you heard it here first.
so if we assume there is a god, let's look at some things:
let's take the monotheistic religions. several different religions, all believing there is only one god, with slight variations. all of these religions pray. now, if there is a god who created the universe and the laws within it, god has to be a smart fellow. i mean, einstein has nothing on him bc einstein only discovered relativity, god MADE it. now if people half as intelligent as einstein can figure out what babies are trying to say when they make ZERO sense, and they can nderstand that a baby is trying to say their name when what comes out the baby's mouth is pure nonsense, then srely god can figure out that whether someone is praying to yahweh, god, jesus (i mean...some people do think jesus is god), jehovah, god, allah, i dunno what god is called in judaism...but that, surely he knows to pick up the phone and at least listen to the voice mail.
but he never really answers, or at least it's extremely inconsistent and the prayers he IS answering make no sense.
someone in something like sudan, prays for some water so as not to die of thirst, or some food so as not to die of hnger. and no answer. that's not a frivolos prayer, that's a prayer of life and death. someone in a concentration camp begs god for mercy, again...life and death, yet no answer.
someone prays for a winning lottery ticket and boom, there ya go. seriously? or, i remember hearing stories about missionaries who prayed for food and managed to live off i forget what. somehow those prayers were answered. why not the person in sudan though? why not the person in the concentration camp? surely any idiot would answer the life or death ones first. that's like a fire dept saying, "how about we save the kitten in the tree, then go save the orphans in the burning high rise projects with bars on the windows."
then let's take the polytheistic religions. people were/are praying to many gods and they have the whole gamut covered. god of rain, god of harvest, god of fertility, you name it. who knows...maybe there's a god or saint for penis enlargment. thankfully i've never had to pray for that. whew!
so all these prayers, no consistency, everything is extremely arbitrary and that in and of itself makes no sense. either god got the ball rolling and disappeared ages ago, or god doesn't exist.
i'd bet that if we were to run a poll abot the types of prayers asked, the "responses" and the seriousness of the prayers, we'd get some very arbitrary numbers. i didn't pay attention, but if i remember right, the null hypothesis can determine whether something is false or not? i forgot the rules for that though.
either way, when i started thinking about all these prayers, it kinda hit me...it's looking more and more like god simply doesn't exist.
