Parties puff you up with pride

by rebel8 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • rebel8
    rebel8

    This is not a new topic but one I had a chance to ponder recently. The dubs taught any parties in a person's honor puffed them up with pride and hence Jehoopla hated them. ex--birthdays, graduations, etc. I know some (many?) dubs had graduation parties anyway, but the teaching was claimed to be the reason I couldn't have one.

    It was a sad day. As you know I had extensive medical problems. Not only had I survived that, I had very good grades and had been offered a job at the school (which I had to turn down of course b/c full time work is for the weak). But anyways one would think a 'rent would be a smidge proud and interested in giving a kid a little pat on the back, especially since there were no birthdays/holidays/etc.--a rare opportunity to celebrate.

    Instead I was given a $1 gag gift, a card and a cup of punch to drink. Then it was off to someone else's graduation party. So I was mandated to watch someone else's parents behave like normal human beings towards their kid--a real slap in the face if you ask me. That actually was the most hurtful and humiliating part of it. I wasn't good enough to be honored. When I asked to not attend the other party, the response was physical abuse. Good times.

    So before I depress you more with my tale, I was wondering how often you guys have had parties in your personal honor as adults. Was it weird? I am not self-conscious at all but I'm imagining myself as being really uncomfortable. I had a group take me out to dinner once but not anything I'd call a party necessarily. I think it would feel odd.

    And here's the crux of why it's a bad idea to deprive your kid of this normal social convention--it prevents them from developing certain social skills particular to this sort of thing.

  • baltar447
    baltar447

    I believe that by JWs withholding celebrations such as birthdays under this whole "undue honor to ourselves" crap, they truly do a number on a person's self esteem and make you feel worthless. It felt weird or wrong when I had my first birthday party, like I didn't deserve it or something. I find birthdays great therapy for anyone leaving and I recommend that if you leave the org, that you start celebrating.

  • JustThatGirl007
    JustThatGirl007

    I've had baby showers and a grad party as a dub. I was never very comfortable being the center of attention.

    I had my birthday last November, and celebrated it with 2 other ex dubs and the never-dub gf of one of them. I didn't have my own, personal event. I plan to later this year, though. My kids and husband have all had their own parties. Hubby (Baltar447 or 477 or whatever the hell it is) felt weird, uncomfortable. It caused him to reflect on this topic, as well. (I think his thread was called On Birthdays and Being Born In and it was in Feb 2012 some time.)

    You said: And here's the crux of why it's a bad idea to deprive your kid of this normal social convention--it prevents them from developing certain social skills particular to this sort of thing.

    My thoughts on that statement are this: That's exactly what they want. They expect that their children will follow in their footsteps and do the same thing, never NEEDING to know that social norm or that social expectation. They don't WANT to prepare their kids for living in the world or for pushing themselves outside their comfort zones and having a grad party. Doing so would mean they expect their kids to make other decisions. To think for themselves.

    Hm, I hope that made sense. I'm usually much more articulate. :)

    EDIT: I see husband commented just ahead of me. :)

  • Nice_Dream
    Nice_Dream

    I didn't have a JW grad party, but I was fortunate enough to be able to attend my grad with my school friends. My parents used to buy me presents for good grades at the end of the school year which was nice. But I never had any special parties.

    I had wedding and baby showers from JWs and people at work. I felt especially awkward by the generosity of my work colleagues. Maybe because I'm just a self conscious person?

  • Flat_Accent
    Flat_Accent

    I hope to have a party next year, seeing as 21 is the last good year you can celebrate.

    You're all invited, of course.

  • cantleave
    cantleave

    Parties certainly do have lots a puff pastry!

  • Finkelstein
    Finkelstein

    Yes, a show of love and respect toward others such as birthdays is a true evil that should be avoided.

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    Man, my dyslexia is getting worse, I thought it said PANTIES puff you up with pride. Or maybe thats how my brain rolls?

  • j dubb
    j dubb

    Flat accent, i cant help but read your posts in Rogers voice...

  • Finkelstein
    Finkelstein

    Yes I do agree that panties will puff you up with pride, of course it all comes down to who's wearing them though.

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