Hardest most awkward parts of being mentally out but physically in

by BU2B 35 Replies latest jw friends

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  BU2B

  I am still physically in but am completely out mentally.. I was curious for those who spent some time in the Borg while being mentally out or are still in that position, what is the worst, hardest or most awkward parts..

  For me I intensly dislike attending the meetings however its bearable as I can just let my mind wander, but field service is awful. I cannot try to bring someone in to a group that I am trying to plot a way out of. So now I try my best to either spend the day driving around to others fruitless RV's (we have somewhat rural territory) or eating out at an extended breakfast or if door to door cannot be avoided, I try to work alone and not ring bells. If that cannot be arranged I make the most easily shot down presentation ever, for instance if someone asks who we are I will immediately reply, Jehovahs Witnesses or immediately identify as one knowing 9 times out of 10 the conversation will be over at that point. Planned incompetence you could say. Also finding the odd comment to make at the meeting that I can mentally agree with, without seeming overtly apostate lol. How did you guys handle service when you first found out The truth about the truth?
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  MsGrowingGirl20

  BU2B....i'm in a similar position.I can understand about the identifying yourself---i started doing that recently and suddenly people are busy.
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  Euphemism

  I was in that situation for 4 months, and it got progressively harder for me. By the end I stopped going out in FS and just faked a couple of hours on my service report so I wouldn't be inactive.

  I think the hardest thing for me was sitting through the convention; I posted about it back at the time, at http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/55442/1/Convention-Report.

  Incidentally, my biggest regret about leaving is that I didn't do it more quickly and openly, being honest with people about how I felt. And my wife's biggest regret is that we didn't do it more quietly and slowly, so she could have kept some of her relationships. But we're both so much happier now, so all I can say is that no one can tell you the right way to approach this problem, but whatever pain you go through will be totally worth it in the end.
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  paladin

  I just keep reporting on my FS slips 1.5 hours of Informal Witnessing and the Elders stay off my back.
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  Trismegistus

  Now, I chose to get DF'd, which was difficult. But that's somewhat off-topic.

  Given my current situation, though, I have pondered on doing the legwork to get re-instated and then bolt. Am I missing a step here? I didn't believe that they could officially remove you if you decided not to show up anymore.
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  exwhyzee

  I was mentally out but physically in for quite a few years before the "last straw" that made me make up my mind to leave, happened.

  It took a toll on me in the form of panic and anxiety attacks. I didn't listen to my body telling me something was seriously in need of changing in my life. Unlike you, there was no way I could go from door to door in good conscience feeling like I did. Besides the anxiety I was having was too great. It wasn't until a week after I decided never to set foot in a KH again that I noticed my years of serious anxiety had suddenly quit and 4 years later hasn't ever returned in fact I'm filled with peace and contentment most of the time. My social life is practically nill now but most days I think it's worth it.

  I hope you can find a way to be "in" and still enjoy the social benefits and the parts of it that work for you. Hopefully you'll work it out so that your situation won't take a toll on your well being. So many I knew dealt with Depression and Anxiety and I'm sure it was mostly because on some level they knew they were playing games with themselves.
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  breakfast of champions

  It is pretty awful, and it gets worse as time goes on. Yeah, I can drag my sorry ass to a meeting and zone out. But field service requires having prearrangements with people who don't mind long breaks at Starbucks or the local diner. All we do is RVs on older folks who just enjoy the company.

  "Planned incompetence" seems like a good plan!
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  Trismegistus

  I recognize that there are certain social benefits, which is why I'm thinking about being reinstated, even though I have no interest in being an honest JW again (I'm actually an atheist).

  Around where I live, there have always been people who feel that they are able to talk with ANY former JW who wasn't baptised. The fear of reprisal comes from dealing with actual DF'd folks- the Western World's answer to Burakumin.

  I was always under the impression that if you didn't go to the Commitee, they couldn't disfellowship you. Is this an accurate representation, or have I been lying to myself for these past 11 years? And if I'm right, what makes fading so difficult?
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  jemba

  Hey Trismeg. you should start a new thread with that last paragraph you wrote with the DF questions.
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  GeneM

  I did it for a year and out of nessesity there are a lot of tips and tricks I used.

  First and foremost, realize that as a man made organization it is completely ethical to out-and-out fabricate your time slip.

  If you have to make an appearance with the group, find a partner that likes long breaks, that you can work with alone and ideally does not like service either.

  Gas station/informal witnessing can be a great time killer as you aimlessly drive around.

  (this is key)Get a list of homes you know are never there and do those as RV's, make no attempt to work them in an efficient manner.

  Make up names of people at businesses you want to go to, go there and say "oh darn, my RV Molly isn't working today, but while we're here... Might as well pick up my dry cleaning".

  Knock lightly.

  Dumb down your presentation to "hello would you like the latest issues of the watchtower and awake?" they always say no.

  Master the pioneer shuffle.