Hardest most awkward parts of being mentally out but physically in

by BU2B 35 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  justmom

  Hello BU2B.......

  I have a question, I guess I'm not understanding where you are?

  You know all this ...that the truth is NOT the "Truth"and now you choose to stay inside?

  Isn't that sorta like the WTBS themselves?? Being a hypocrite?? Not being true to yourself and who you are or what you know?

  I don't understand why this is such a hard decision? Playing THIS game will get exhausting and sooner or later in trouble. Makes...

  one no better that the ones inside and they do it actually believing its the truth.

  justathought

  justmom
• 

  botchtowersociety

  I am still physically in but am completely out mentally.. I was curious for those who spent some time in the Borg while being mentally out or are still in that position, what is the worst, hardest or most awkward parts..

  Standing on the platform talking about crap you know is false, and trying to soften or blunt the lies while not coming across as an apostate. That is a fine line to walk, and it damn near gave me a nervous breakdown.
• 

  GeneM

  If that were the case (that people leave as soon as they realize it's BS) then the Borg would have collapsed ages ago. They have built a system that makes staying in the dominant strategy ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strategic_dominance) and so each person has to decide what to do based on their situation...
• 

  Sheep2slaughter

  Don't listen to just mom. It's way more complicated than just "be true to yourself, don't be a hypocrite blah blah blah"...You have a wife and child. That makes it infinitely more complicated than justmom is trying to make it. Like I and many others have said...be patient. Take it slow. I'm still in. So many are still in. What's funny is I'm finding others that are still in, in my own congregation. Each of us is in or out to varying degrees. If its so easy for Justmom why is she still here in this site? Cuz it's freaking complicated and not as easy as her previous post tries to convey.
• 

  oppostate

  @justmom

  He doesn't have to feel like a hypocrite.

  He can feel like an undercover "Jehovah's Un-Witness."

  He can, while feeling trapped inside the WT religion, work towards getting others to realize "the truth about The Truth(R)" (TTATT).

  @BU2B

  First step is to get another email address for this purpose. Then gather all your Witness friends' emails, as many as you can.

  Continue sly as a snake and guiltless as a dove, but as a dove with massive droppings, and yes, you aim to s**t all over the WT teachings.

  Starting with the teaching about the WT Society not being inspired (get info at jwfacts) and comparing to the Bible which most Christians believe is indeed inspired.

  Then expose the lessons you can learn from works like Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz, and Captives of a Concept by Don Cameron...

  Also useful are Winning the Witnesses by Daniel Rodriguez, and Joe Winter's Jehovah's Witnesses: Help for Those Seeking Truth.

  Start a surreptitious email witnessing service to awaken others to TTATT. Careful with your IP address. Reset your Cable Modem before and afer each session.

  And the best part is, you'll count your time while doing un-witnessing work.

  While in service or associating after meetings if caught and put on the spot, say something like "I do believe a 'Jehovah's Witness(R)' has to believe fully in the 'Governing Body(R)'" Any such double talk is fine, because you know what you mean, but they think they heard something else they believe.

  If asked whether you believe fully, say that you are just a man, an imperfect man who tries hard to learn the real truth and nothing but the truth, and who could do more studying to assure yourself of what is the truth. And even if we fail in finding all there is to know about the truth, God knows our hearts and knows you try hard despite imperfections.

  Now go get a "gravatar" that shows your super-hero Un-Witnessing secret service logo. Uh, I dunno, something like a Holy Spirit representative dove pooping droppings on a Castle Watchtower. That about should do it. Or else use your imagination for something more personally meaningful.

  With best regards and wishes for you in your new Mission (Possible).

  --Oppo

  P.S. you are now of the "conscious class" if you do believe that Jesus is the Christ (1 John 5:1) you're a child of God, and as such you should start partaking of the emblems. Seriously, dude!
• 

  justmom

  Actually I am here because I spent my whole life inside actually living it because I "DID" believe it was the truth. (I guess i'm still learning a lot of people are fenceriders for real)

  When holy spirit showed me "Truth" and what the WTBS really is...How could I turn my back on our creator and his son and ignore the call to

  "Get out of her my people (babylon the Great). I did not want to share with her in her sins and receive her plagues." I did not want to leave

  Egypt and experience all the miracles just to look back and begin murmering. Didn't want to flee to Mount Zion when our Lord said, "When you

  catch sight of the disgusting thing standing in a holy place to flee to mount zion. To quit touching the unclean thing and THEN I will take you in as

  a son/daughter and then.... linger half way up the mountain or around the perimeter and still be captured and or put to death when the roman armies attack (spiritually).

  So I chose to be disfellowshipped and labeled an apostate and lose entire family on both sides. And I remain here on this site because there are

  many who have been wounded and abused that have chosen to leave for the same reason or others and are crying out for "real truth" and to

  be led to our true healer, our Lord and master who will take them in and send them holy spirit and will teach them and guide them and NEVER

  mislead them the way that organization did in the name of Jehovah! His yoke is truly kind and his voice truely LOVE.

  My wish as his servant is to help them. Some inside are inside asking how to be released from this bondage. Others are inside actually because of fear (fear of what will happen). So if you must remain...remain......

  justathought

  justmom
• 

  shulamitemaden

  You can find yourself in this position in lots of areas of your life. If you are in an abusive marriage how do you get out. The strength and courage it takes to remove yourself can seem overwhelming. The what ifs, the known pain and the unknown are terrorizing and can leave you immobile. I really do understand you are at a crossroad, and you believe you are taking the path of least resistance. You will find that your body will start to rebel against you. Be it in panic attacks, sleeplessness, depression or brain fog. You may be fooling the friends, but you aren't fooling the person you are with every second of your life. you. So back to your question, what is the hardest part? I would say it is your life that is passing by and you are a hostage in your life, not a participant. Not bouncing out of bed ready to make the history in your own life. If there were windows in the hall you could look outside and think of all the ways you could be spending your finite amount of time you get on this planet. JW's don't worry about time. Whatever time they squander or piss away is promised to them for eternity later. I don't get a second chance. My life is not a dress rehearsal; this is the only life I get. So how am I going to spend this time is up to me. I already hate that I have to make a living and that takes up 40 hours a week. the rest of the time is mine to devote to my priorities, my kids, my husband, our adventures and my families health. If it doesn’t fall into those categories, then it takes a huge back seat in my life. When my parents forced me to go to meetings when I moved back home at 22 years old, I would write out my checks to pay my bills. They could make me go but couldn't force me to listen. The hard parts as you like to call them, will be become impossible parts eventually. That is a certainty. The people that you are afraid of offending or loosing contact with go to their homes and have their own problems. Here I am back in my old home town, all of the people that i used to be afraid of offending have died off or moved away. What a waste if I worked so hard to please these people who in reality didn't give a rat’s ass about me anyway. The best thing that could happen to you is you get DF'ed and then see the reality of how the people you are worrying about losing wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire if you were df'ed. Long rambling post i know. But i hope to convey that I left, I survived and thrived. You can too. “When the student is ready, the Teacher will appear.”- Buddhist Proverb
• 

  clarity

  Just a quick "welcome" Shulamitemaden!

  ........and this is funny as hell! ...>

  " The best thing that could happen to you is you get DF'ed and then see the reality of how the people you are worrying about losing wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire if you were df'ed. "

  clarity
• 

  Black Sheep

  On FS, just be completely honest.

  "My church leaders say that Jehovah is going to kill you and your children if you don't join their church and spend at least ten hours a month warning householders that Jehovah is going to kill you and your children if you don't join their church and spend at least ten hours a month warning householders that Jehovah is going to kill you and your children if you don't join their church and spend at least ten hours a month warning householders that Jehovah is going to kill you and your children if you don't join their church and spend at least ten hours a month warning householders that Jehovah is going to kill you and your children if you don't join their church and spend at least ten hours a month warning householders that Jehovah is going to kill you and your children if you don't join their church and spend at least ten hours a month warning householders that Jehovah is going to kill you and your children if you don't join their church and spend at least ten hours a month warning householders that...
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  How did you guys handle service when you first found out The truth about the truth?

  I quit going out in service. I maintain an "active" status counting Family Worship and incidental witnessing (when I bother to fill out a time slip, which is easier than being hounded by our FSG Elder). I'm surprised that he bothers as all I do is drag down the Congo Average and add to the "irregular pubs" column with the CO comes through.

  My hardest part is seeing intelligent kids graduate from high school and skip college. Thankfully, most ARE going to college as it's typically free here at a small community college the first couple years, or since most JW families are not high income earners, the kids qualify for grants. Still some choose to follow the direction to avoid the Devil's playhouse @ college and go into menial work. That's OK for many. For the wiser and brighter it's just too bad.

  Second, is trying to do the balancing act with my wife, kids, parents, and close JDub friends. It's hard to just switch the cynical attitude off and turn on the JDub gullibility pretend mindset. I'm obviously quiet when people are bubbling over with their BS FS stories about how exciting it was to place soooo many invitations to the Memorial or Dist Conv. (Did ANYONE really show up as a result? No.) Or, the excellent call and placement they had at the bus stop. What? Like what makes them think the victim didn't just toss the rags into the next trash can as they rolled their eyes?

  Finally, sitting through the propaganda sessions gets harder and harder. Thankfully one of my kids is "conscious" and my wife is doubting many things and thus we can whisper and pass notes back and forth about things said and printed. My wife is really beginning to see the "control" and hypocrisy in things. I don't start any negative conversations lately. I let her. "Did you see par 10 and the talking out of both sides of their mouth?" "No honey, show it to me." She does actually pick up on some things that I have glossed over.

  We have lots of schedule conflicts with our jobs and thus end up going to the other Congo in the KH on a diff weekday night or diff time on Sunday. [wink wink]

  I admit that I do miss the close association with friends who have distanced themselves since our family is no longer at the top of the heap. Were they really friends? Most were not. Yet, some truly are I think. They just have concerns and are still under the control of what they read and what they are told about those irregular at meetings etc. They are captives. So was I.

  I still see the support and assistance that families get from members of the Congo during an illness or death in the family or other crisis. It is sincere and I don't know where else people could get that kind of support. If one is a mainsteam member and the Elders "authorize" that support or assistance it can be overwhelming. But, if you're on the fringe, no one will know a thing about any crisis you have. They are captives. So was I.

  Doc