This is not accusing me of lying? Not directly of course. But that is how I read it.
No, it truly wasn't... not even indirectly. I am sorry you read it that way. I think it comes from my mediation experience: I once took a side and came to regret that ("I can say bad stuff about him but YOU can't!"). I just try to consider "both" sides, now, is all. Going forward, probably gonna leave these kinds of topics to folks who want to tell you want you want to hear...
I say to you again, would you say this to a woman who had described my relationship with my wife in the same way as their relationship with their husband?
Absolutely. Probably even more so. Because I DON'T believe it's more often the husband. And I've posted about that. We girls can be "sumthin' else" ourselves.
You say there are always two sides and then say
Yes...
So not two sides for you then.
You must have missed where I posted his side. I did. But, yes, in our situation it was all his fault. He thought he could handle doing crank. He couldn't. Had nothing to do with our relationship (which, again, was actually pretty wonderful... until the drugs). Anytime certain circumstance are brought in (including but not limited to physical abuse, child abuse, drugs, crime, another person)... it's the fault of the one bringing it in. Gotta do drugs? Leave the relationship first. Gotta be with someone else? Leave the relationship first. Wanna hit something? Go to the gym. Wanna abuse a child? Get some help.
No - there are not always two sides.
There is always two sides. There is not always fault on both sides.
Sometimes and maybe for reasons that are explainable and understandable, it is entirely one persons' fault when a relationship turns toxic.
See above.
Yeah, because I am real bastard that has not spent years trying to make other people happy.
I wouldn't know, JM.
Counsellor said today maybe I have been an enabler of her behaviour. Now this would have been a fair comment to make.
And many made it.
Instead you suggest that what I should do is to consider whether I am difficult to be married to?
I did. You should. To clear your own mind, not mine.
Because that of course would completely excuse her behaviour as I described it.
Oh, no, I didn't excuse her behavior. I only suggested that there may be another side. Regardless of how difficult you may be to live with, if her behavior in front of the kids is how you say... she has no excuse. Nor do you, though... unless she IS physically abusing you, etc.
When I cut through what you have written, there is good advice in there. You could have just said 'sorry, that was not what I meant and it did not come across as well as it could of. This is what I meant'.
First, thank you for taking the time to go back and re-read what I posted. Second, I am sorry... truly (although I do think I stated that)... I did not mean to offend you... and how you took it is NOT how I meant for you to... and what I meant was, if what you state is accurate then the two of you need to have a "come to Jeezus sit down" asap... with or without a counselor... but she may have a side, too... That's what I meant. And I stand by that.
Instead I get a load of patronising self-justification.
Is it possible that you just took it that way, although nothing of the sort was intended... because of your POV... and sensitivities on the matter?
By the way, I sympathise with your story. Because I know what living with a narcissist is like - although on a different part of that spectrum.
That's not necessary, but thank you - I know what you mean. I don't think my ex was a narcissist, though. I think he, like many others, just got caught up in all of the attention he received, which he didn't really ask for but others pushed on him. He once wore a Laker's jersey and yellow sweat pants to pick up the kids from the library. Per the kids, someone cried, "Look! A Laker!"... and the next you know he was surrounded by folks... kids AND adults... begging for his autograph! They said he TRIED to tell the first ones that he wasn't a Laker... but no one believed him - they thought he was trying to "hide" cause he didn't want folks following him, etc. So, he finally got the crowd to back off by signing a few autographs. And no, he wasn't happy about that - he threw the entire outfit in the trash afterward.
People revere who they will... which is why I never blamed him for the attention he got. He actually hated most JWs - called them "fake". He was baptized (they convinced him to do that - I tried to talk him out of it, because I knew how he felt about JWs... but to no avail. The opportunities that brought from a business sense was too tempting). But he was never a MS/elder (although they did use him for "security" at DC's - they were SO afraid of him, though, that they wouldn't let him participate in any of my JC meetings - LOL!). But even married sisters would hit on him... which he actually thought was disgusting. Again, he was a pretty good guy... until drugs changed him. Then, he slowly became Mr. Hide. I couldn't live with Mr. Hide (I didn't know that "guy")... and I certainly couldn't let my son live with him anymore.
I speak the truth, JM, candidly, plainly, forthrightly... and sometimes bluntly, sometimes without sufficient tact. Many folks do; most folks don't.
That's it, that's all.
A slave of Christ,
SA
