Was Any Part of it Real?

by Big Tex 47 Replies latest jw friends

  • nugget

    The friends for life were conditional friends, the bible based doctrine was based on weak bible translation and political motives, the truth was a lie and the happiest people on Earth were all stressed judgemental people more interested in other peoples failings than their own.

    The religion that I left was not even the same religion I was baptised into so it wasn't real.

    That doesn't mean that the experiences I went through were not real or that people I grew to have affection for were not worth the effort. I was priviledged to get to know people and observe some truly lovely people forced to behave badly in the name of religion. It is seperating the real from the phoney that is the real art.

  • blindnomore

    Of course I am not talking about shunning itself. What I am disgusted is their cruel behavior in cooperation with the elders schem. It was very obvious what elders were doing but all gave in to fear of human and not one stand up for the right thing. I witnessed utter coruption and persecution.

    As an active uber JW, not once had I treated any ex-JW inhumanly. I hugged and welcome them when I saw them at the Convention or at the grocery store. I did not afraid of elders or any fellow JWs for doing it. I wasn't eating or associating with them. I was simply welcoming and let them know they are cared.

  • Quandry

    I'm actually really very curious and trying to move forward in this life. I beleive if we understand the past we can understand the present.

    Howdy Big Tex-I don't know that we'll ever truly be able to understand the past as regards being "in" the organization. I was "in" for over thirty years. Now that I am out it seems like I went through some type of fog...it doesn't seem real that for so long I had no opinions other than the ones that were presented to me by the WTS....that I spent hour after hour in "field service" walking down streets and sidewalks, never really liking it but feeling that it was necessary....not getting an education....no, I'll never really understand it...why I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I wasn't born in, but was young when I came in.

    Can we move forward? Yes, we can. To do that we have to spend less time looking back. The people we used to know and love no longer wish to have any association with us, plain and simple. There are some that I still think about and my husband and I wonder what became of them, but it would be pointless to try to contact them, so we don't.

    Hope the best for you, and all of us now on "this side." We can do it....we can move forward. At least every day we have is truly OURS to do with as we wish...we get to decide what we think...we can have opinions now. We get to make choices. The research is no longer "done for us."

  • FlyingHighNow

    I knew some kindred spirits. I hope they will find the way out.

    I am still very guarded about getting close to people, after losing so many people and family. I don't allow that many people into my intimate circle anymore. I know some of this wall I build around my heart has to do with my time as a brainwashed JW. I was always kind to those DF'd or shamed. I was never hardnosed or hardhearted about JW's who were on the down and out.

  • James Brown
    James Brown

    You have to look at each case/friendship individually, but over all I think the friendships among the friends are genuine.

    But the ground rules are if you dont follow the rules of the organization the friendship is over.

    Thats the way it is.

    When I was in back in the 70's my wife and I were best friends with another couple.

    When I left the organization in the 80's it was a given that we didnt go out to dinner and socialize with my former best friends.

    Then when my best friends left the organization in the 90's we got back together and resumed the friendship, 4 states away.

  • shamus100

    Nope. It was all B.S.

  • apostatethunder

    Big Tex, as in the movie, they were real at the time. Saying that, a relationship is between two individuals, if one of the individuals has lost his/her personal identity in deference to a group, you are not dealing with an individual anymore, so it’s the equivalent of you having a personal relationship with an entity through its representatives. It’s real in a sense, but it’s not what human relationships are about. Personally I think that the relationships in the organization are very superficial in general, as there is never the level of trust and openness that is required to have meaningful relationships. They are isolated from each other as their main loyalty will always be to the organization.

  • purplesofa

    I have never faulted any JW for not continuing to be my friend. Since I was not raised a JW, I probably have a different perspective.

    To become a JW, I had to sever my prior relationships, and drastically alter those with family. Coming in as an adult, we know the consequences

    if we bail. I miss my old JW friends still. It's gut wrenching some days. Even with all the conditions of friendship, there are those that I was very close

    to on more personal levels. Sadly, we do not get to evolve with them.

    I still find it diffucult, esp with my children, that I am 52 and am without lifelong friends. I see my kids now, forming and developing friendships for so

    many years. When they get together they talk about events that happened when they were kids. They have something I lost.

    For me it hurts. Like anything else that I miss in my life. Even though I make new friends they to not take the place of some of the JW people I

    grew to know and love.

  • Finkelstein

    I always found after I left the JW organization that those established relationships were pretentiously formulated by this religious cult,

    a pretentiously constructed religion, creating pretentiously created personal relationships, a recognized reality years after .

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    There is no "true" or even "real" so much as there is our decision to view something a certain way that appeals to us.

    Very Shakespearan of you Terry. "There is nothing right or wrong only thinking that makes it so."

    There is a lot of what you say that I agree with. Especially with moving forward. The alternative is a bit grim. Just one of those points in life where I'm looking back on several things in my life. I know what I felt and I think I'm beginning to understand my motivations, but to understand the other side of a former life would help with closure.


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