Was Any Part of it Real?

by Big Tex 47 Replies latest jw friends

  • Terry

    Here is my spontaneous reaction to your opening paragraph, Tex.

    There is no "true" or even "real" so much as there is our decision to view something a certain way that appeals to us.

    We make things "true".

    When it doesn't serve or purposes any longer we suddenly see things as "false".

    Friends serve us and we serve them....until it doesn't work.

    Utility. Practicality. A lot of imagination.

    We choose people and beliefs based on the best we know of at a particular time in our life. But, we have an infinite capacity for IGNORANCE.

    As we live and we learn the scales fall gradually from our eyes.

    We get a better grasp. A better look. A clearer view. Our illusions melt away.

    Our world view is an ice sculpture. It may be magnificent in design and scope....but....it will melt.

    We can't just stand around afterward gazing at our world in a puddle at our feet. We shake our head and sigh......and move on.

  • blondie

    I agree that enduring friendships are rare, if you have one that is a treasure. It is not a Facebook concept of over 3,000 "friends" or more.

    Transient and Enduring Friendships

    . . . for a reason, a season or forever

    BY Brian A. "Drew" ChalkerReprinted with permission.

    Many of us are fortunate enough to have friends (and, hopefully, partners) who are a consistent part of our lives throughout all our ups and downs. However, sometimes others we consider friends (and spouses) appear to enter, then depart from our lives for reasons we try to, but don't always, understand. This piece nicely explains the flow of people in and out of our lives.

    It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

    People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

    When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

    Then people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

    LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.


  • designs

    What was real were the Donuts we made at the District Conventions in the 60s and the Soft Icecream that was really good to.

  • Giordano

    Big Tex,

    Just about all friendships depend on shared interests,experiences, obligations or even shared territory (like living in a small town).

    When my father-in-law passed, the service (non witness thank god) was packed with family, distant relatives, people he worked with, the vets of foreign wars, blue grass musicians he played with, neighbors etc. His friends were connected, served a purpose or they had something else in common.

    I have read about the 'band of brothers' effect in times of war, guys who served together, shared fox holes, came under fire, shared the every day misery of war, depended on one another to stay alive, hung out on the troop ships on their way back home (WWII) shook hands when the ship docked said their goodbyes and never saw one another again.

    When your a witness you have something in common. When your not.......... you don't.

    When my wife and I decided to leave the JW'S we talked about how nice it would be if we could remain friends with our believing friends but we knew that was going to change as soon as they learned we no longer believed in the things they believed in.

    I think making good friends after leaving is one of the hardest hurtles one faces. It was a lonely couple of years....but still worth it.

  • blindnomore

    Chris, how sad that you thought you were the only one being treated a such way! At the same time, I see where you are coming from. It's utterly cruel how one being treated in a such way by so call your 5, 10, 15, 20, or life time friends who had been eating, crying, sharing with you day in day out.

    I can write the book on this topic alone based on my very own experience on it.

    But it does make sense. Think about it! Who were you then? You were simply a Cult member. They were your fellow cult members. They weren't your friends in the first place. Now you are no longer one of them and that's it. You and I were once belonged to the extreme Orgarnization.

    What those so called friends have done to my family were so cruel and heartless that I am actually thankful to their shunning policy ironically in the aspect of knowing that I never have to deal with these people again. I've wasted my precious years, resource, energy, sincerity to worthless and fake.

  • Disillusioned Lost-Lamb
    Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

    Everything JW is conditional and not really real but that doesn't mean it wasn't real for you, and therein lies the problem we all had/have.

  • TimeBandit

    They're hard wired to throw people under the bus if they see you as a threat to their salvation. Don't hold it against them for following their programming. Have you ever shunned a disfellowshipped or inactive person? If so, no one here will hold it against you, we've all done it. What would really suck is if they knew the organization for what it is and still turned thier backs on you. I've lost a good many freinds myself. I am moving onward though. Why not focus on replacing those fair weather freinds with REAL freinds. Build up a social life. 'Worldly' people are not all bad. There are many people out there that will be more loyal than any jw.

  • shopaholic

    I think some of it was real but unfortunately it was conditional. Like TimeBandit said, their programming kicked in.

  • snowbird

    Some of us were true believers and really loved each other.

    I know you're not a Bible person, Big Tex, but the Light continues to shine.

    YOU continue to shine, also.

    That big heart of yours has reached out to many a hurting soul, including yours truly.

  • Nambo

    Allways put yourself in the other fellas shoes if you want to understand things.

    Your friendship and Love for them were true and sincere, if one of them left the troof whilst you were still being Faithfull to the FDS, how would you have behaved?, possibly you would have treated them the same way they are treating you now, but inside you would still Love them and miss them and wish they would come back so that you could demonstrate your fondness for them.

    Probably they are feeling the same way about you.

    Its the teachings of the society that are insincere, not your own friends who Love you but belive they have to chose between you and God,

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