Was Any Part of it Real?

Big Tex

I'm sort of following a stream of consciousness so bear with me. I was flipping around on TV and ran across an old movie. A couple had a one night stand and when she realized he had just used her she was shocked and told him he had said he loved her. His reply was "I meant it at the time."

When I was a JW, I made quite a few friendships that at the time I believed were very sincere and very close. There was an elder I used to introduce as my step-father. In a naive way I'm almost embarassed now to admit I believed those relationships and friends to be "real". I had friendships that were very close and last for 10 or 15 years.

When I left, every one of those friends who shared so much with me, and I with them turned their backs on me. I'm curious if anyone else had a similar experience. And if so, how long did it take for you to get past it? For me it took years, but then that was before Al Gore invented the Internet and I thought I was the only one. I don't know if having a resource like this board helps. I think it does.

But now with time and distance, what do you think those people who are no longer part of your life? What do you think of those past friendships now? Was any of it real? Or was all of it a lie? Not just the doctrines or the cult, but the people their feelings towards you? Was that a lie as well? Or were these damaged people who were caught up in their own dysfunction, and shared with you what they could?

I'm actually really very curious and trying to move forward in this life. I beleive if we understand the past we can understand the present.

Be well,

Chris

Bubblegum Apotheosis

Chris were you able to take away any good things from the group?

Friendships, they are like any other time period of your life. As you made your way through Grade School, High School, you had friends and once you graduated, like most people, these friends no longer played a role in your life.

Work, I have had several employers and found relationships dry up, once you move onto a new firm, you make new friends and old ones are lost to time and being busy with your family.

Family, we were sold on a concept that was never delivered, just dangled in front of us, did not exist. Having access to inter family conflicts, trying to help people make reconcilation, rarely did this work in our Organization, we learned not to blame ourselves for people hating each other.

Can you think of good things and qualities you came away from that made you a better person? Those are the qualities that are the real stuff!

Doctrines, I don't accept the Trinity as true, I believe Jesus Christ to be our Saviour, I believe we should help the poor, the widows, and orphans. I donate time and help to the local food banks and consider helping with Big Brother programs. Not everyone is going to take away what you took away or consider real, you have to decide what is real to yourself with your Bible or what ever you use to gauge as truth. I wish you the best!

transhuman68

bttt

DesirousOfChange

I don't know if having a resource like this board helps. I think it does.

This board and its members have been instrumental to me. I've the read the stories of dozen of other who are "living" the same things I have been. It meant that my thinking was rational -- that my eyes were being opened, not blinded. I found it a scary transition and really benefitted from the experiences of others who were already further along in the journey.

Thanks.

Doc

finally awake

I think that true, abiding friendship is a rare thing in any setting. Most friendships are heavily dependent on shared circumstances, and when those circumstances change the friendship usually fades. I don't have a single real friend that I've known more than 5 years, except Just Ron. I count him as my best friend as well as my husband.

Big Tex

Chris were you able to take away any good things from the group?

I've been out since 1989. There were good times, good memories. There's that old poem "Reason Season Lifetime". I think there's a lot of truth in that. Ultimately everything in this life is temporary. But no I left with nothing but what I chose to learn from the experience. After one elder visit I had a dream and I saw Hiroshima after the bomb was dropped. I was told that was my life. So I rebuilt; started over.

I guess where I was coming from is musing about the transition from a world we believed was permanent, hell we bellieved we'd live forever, to the reality of this life, the realization of being lied to and then finding a way to move forward.

Chris

wha happened?

any friendship in that organization is conditional. Any one of them can flip on u like a junkyard dog and bite u. There is no loyalty except to the GB.

snowbird

Big Tex!!!

Just want to say hi.

I will revisit this later.

Love you.

MrFreeze

Well regardless of it was real or not, you can at least say it was real on your end. You didn't give these people up, they gave you up.

I still think with some of the people I knew, it was real on both ends. I still see a couple of them people from time to time and we get to talking and we always seem to bring up memories of hilarious stuff that used to happen between us. I don't know if it because they are trying to make me feel things were better then or because they are genuinely reminiscing.

mynameislame

Not sure if it was being a JW or bad parenting, probably a bit of both but I never had any real close relationships with other JWs and wasn't allowed to find friends outside the JWs. I didn't really know this was the case until I moved across the country and for the most part not one of my so called friends called or visited. We didn't have email in those days. But honestly this probably was a good thing for my recovery. Since I was already distanced from my "friends" I didn't have as much to lose when I got DFed

Was Any Part of it Real?

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