Am I seeing my JW life and exit in context?

by jemba 11 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  jemba

  While visiting with a workmate the other day I got to thinking.

  My friend has had the lowest of morals of anyone Ive ever met. She was an illegal drug manufacturer for 20 yrs, jailed 3 times, junkie for 17 years, has been a topless waitress, made porno movies and prostituted herself. She has been at the lowest of the low. I was fascinated to hear her story and since leaving JWs I have been very careful not to judge anyone elses choices.

  When she asked me about my past I told her about being born into the org, the huge control the GB have over JWs and that it was all a lie, I let her know I am very angry at the way the JWs raise kids in an environment of fear, judgement and ridiculous rules.

  I dont believe I was too whingy about my life in the cult but she said; 'well whats so wrong with that'? 'Thats not a bad upbringing in my book, I dont think the mormons, seventh day adventists or exclusive brethren are so bad either, so what if you couldnt celebrate birthdays and xmas'. I explained how such a high control environment is damaging to people, especially children. My friend is one to speak her mind and is very opinionated (so am I).

  Im not in the least bit hurt or upset at her view but it does make me wonder if sometimes we dwell too much on the past wrongdoings and mistakes (like being sucked into a cult). Am I and others on this site dragging this BS around with us for too long and not able to move on? Are we actually better off than my friend who made way bigger mistakes in her life?

  What do you think? Am I and others here making too big a deal about the way we have been controlled and lied to for all our lives or will I still be resenting them in 20 yrs time?...( although I kinda faded yrs ago, I mentally left just 6 months ago after finding out TTATT I look forward to your views, Im finding it hard to put into words why this visit to my friend touched a nerve in me and somehow reignited my anger at the org.
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  mindseye

  Perhaps because of her background, your friend sees the 'stability' of a JW upbringing in a positive light. I also often find that people who 'take a walk on the wild side' often take to the ideal of a strict lifestyle later on in their lives. But they fail to see the destructive side to this sort of life - shunning, absurd standards, repression, etc. It's the other extreme. A middle-way of moderation is the best way, in my experience.

  And after seeing what happens to JWs after they leave - disfellowshipping, broken families, etc. - I can see where resentment is justified. I think forums like this can be very cathartic, and part of the process of eventually moving on. I think the sort of reflection shown in your post is part of the process as well (seeing the big picture!).
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  Fernando

  What comes to mind is that it does not matter how chaotic our exit, or how angry we are, or the extent of our grief over losing family and friends, as long as we do not get stuck in a particular phase or point of the journey but keep moving forward, and keep coming to terms with the past.

  ___________

  “It is possible to undergo a profound crisis involving non-ordinary experiences and to perceive it as pathological or psychiatric when in fact it may be more accurately and beneficially defined as a spiritual emergency.” (Psychiatrist Stanislav Grof, one of the fathers of Transpersonal Psychology)
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  JWdaughter

  Well, forget the wild life exactly. What in her life led her to this life of crime? NO structure, NO morals, NO expectations, NO shame. And if you want to play comparison, she wins for crap life. Seriously, in perspective with her, you have it made. You also have it over a wrongly convicted person on death row, but that doesn't mean that the WT is a good thing just cause others are worse.

  There can be Hitler AND Stalin. . . .who both give a little perspective to our view of Nixon-but that doesn't make Nixon a national hero:)
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  jemba

  Thankyou Mindseye, Fernando and JWdaughter.

  Yes I think youre right Mindseye, she sees a strict upbringing as being better than a life of crime and pain. We really were the two extremes of morality.

  Maybe talking to her just reignited my anger in the whole cult thing and her lack of empathy for anyone in a cult situation made me think maybe I was feeling sorry for myself too much.

  But as Fernando mentioned, you must keep moving on and not get stuck in the past.

  Im extremely happy with my progress and we all get angry from time to time about the org.
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  transhuman68

  Oh well, you can't compare apples and oranges. Everyone has to walk their own path and throw away their own baggage. Sometimes it's hard to see what the baggage is and what the problem was, because Witness families probably look good to outsiders; but just feel wrong for reasons that seem unclear. Working it all out is a process- chuck the baggage and you will move on naturally... hopefully,lol!
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  jwfacts

  You are comparing two different things, one person's upbringing with how someone else turned out in later life.

  You didn't mention what sort of upbringing your friend had. Being brought up in a strict religion can be the catalyst to a life such as she had. One of my JW childhood friends ended up a heroin addict and dealer and committed suicide at 30.

  I agree that a JW upbringing is not necessarily the worst there can be, if you have two loving parents. It can be better than having a non-JW abusive parents. But the Watchtower does promote conditional love that can have bad affects in later life.
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  Nambo

  I came in the troof in my late 20s, I was so jealous of the way the young ones where brought up in the troof, how close and protective their parents were of them.

  You folk got to go out with your parents three times a week.

  I got taken to the pictures once when I was 6 and again when I was 11.

  I got taken swimming once.

  On my 10th birthday I got taken to a Chinese restuarant.

  They took me on a camping holiday 3 years running, oh and another year went to Isle of White.

  The rest of my time with them involved them sitting downstairs with the dog watching television, whilst I was stored alone in my bedroom out of the way.

  As for Christmas!, yeah great fun it was, being kicked out of your house in the middle of freezing cold winter, sitting alone on a park bench waiting untill it was late enough to be allowed home.

  Shunning must be bad because you really want to see your family, well I dont, I shun them, havnt seen my Mother for about 4 years and dont want to see her for another 4 years either.
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  breakfast of champions

  You can't really compare the two situations. I mean, at times I have thought to myself, Well, I'd rather be born to middle class American parents in a major metropolitan area and be raised a JW than being born in Palestine and having blown myself up when I was 20. We all work with what we've got.
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  Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

  Sometimes we all stand a bit too close to the trees to see the forest, so it can be a bit hard to swallow when someone points out something positive from a major negative.

  We must also remember that even though we try to be empathetic we can never really know what someone else has experienced; your friend may not completely grasp what you went through just like you may not fully understand her challenges either.