by Lady Lee 43 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
bobbi
You are right. This is so sad. The kids have no protection. They are caught in between worlds and they fit no where
Thank you for the responses. A lot of this has come up in regards to the children where both parents are in the cult. But this one parent in and the other not ----- I think this will be very interesting foir the custody cases.
What pains me is to see over and over how the kids got little to no support from the non-JW parent what was probably overwhelmed by the JW nonsense. And too often gave in and stopped fighting just to keep the peace if they stayed.
Lady Lee in fairness the JW parent is often out manouvered by the cult very early on in the process. They cannot win if they are opposed and try to make the spouse see sense and offer ultimatums and threats then the watchtower has it covered with expect opposition from those close to you. If the parent is supportive they are quickly pushed to the background as a non JW they have no authority in their own homes since their spouse is taught to defer to the elders and the society in all matters. The cult is clever and prepared the spouse is caught off guard and unprepared.
The society is good at wars of attrition and that is what child rearing becomes. As the cult becomes part of everyday life and appears less threatening the spouse is introduced to normal seeming brothers and sisters and there seems little reason to object. It is only when things go pear shaped and the full cult machine of JCs and cover ups occurs or when the children have no ambitions that the parent realises how little influence they have. Not all spouses even realise it is a cult.
My dad thought that the cult would at least teach us good morals but was powerless against the rule of the elders. The cult did not prevent sexual abuse occurring nor did it help with the mental recovery. It merely told us that punnishment and guilt were part of life even if we were victims.
It is when you exit that the non JW parent comes into their own. I became allies with my father and he provided a buffer between me and the JW relatives who shun. He became a valuable link and a neutral party able to celebrate with us and appreciate the implications of what we had done. I think he secretly loves being able to stick two fingers up to elders. Of 4 daughters 3 are free. I appreciate that there is danger generalising and that my experience may not be common but felt I should add it. I feel that unbelieving spouses are also victims in this, they are struggling to come to terms with the issues in the family just like the children.
nugget I totally agree and that is the point I want to make. UBMs don't have a chance unless they are willing to pick up the kids and take off and they can't do that legally.
so
lack of knowledge + JW + elders = poor chance for the UBM or the kids caught in the middle.
1)
No.
2)
JW
3)
JW parent got upset about non-JW's uninterest.
4)
A couple times as a child I didn't want to but was guilted into it.
5)
Sort of. But the non-JW parent didn't are either way, so it didn't matter.
6)
I worry about their arguing and other problems. Many are caused by the Non-JW parent and are not religion-related, but some by the JW parent are frequently tinged with vague references to dying in armageddon. That worried and terified me as a child, and the repeated warnings that the non-JW would eventually hate us, oppose us, try to hurt us scared me and still makes it hard to not be scared of others and to trust them.
7) I wasn't given much choice but to "love" Jehovah and mistrust all non-JW relatives. It made life scary, lonely, and awkward. All caring and love was conditional, all of life's pleasures were temporary (and therefore hard to enjoy) because of Armegeddon coming so very soon.
8) It still makes me sad.
Thanks Chem and LouBelle
What I hear you saying is that for many of you being caught in the middle was really hard. And the JW side was always placing a lot of guilt on very young shoulders.
Some of you were very afraid of the non-JW parent dying and some even were angry that you weren't protected more.
Those are certainly issues I will wnat to point out to the audience.
Exactly right, Lady Lee.
And I might add, I was not a perfect child but wanted so badly to be one, so that my non-JW parent would come into the truth and not die, of course. While it was rarely used directly as a threat, I was led to believe that I could, theoretically, be bloodguilty and god might kill me at Armegeddon or not protect me if I was in danger (rape was always emphasized as a danger, as I was female, as was bullying), if I wasn't a good enough daughter and didn't try my very best to make my dad want to be a JW. Strangely, it usually made me so depressed that while I didn't behave badly at all, I didn't behave that great, either.
This is a very interesting thread.
Nugget - It is only when things go pear shaped and the full cult machine of JCs and cover ups occurs or when the children have no ambitions that the parent realises how little influence they have. Not all spouses even realise it is a cult.
This is a problem I have seen several times. It is a self fulfilling prophecy that JW kids go off the rails, and when that happens, the non-JW can blame themselves. A girl in my congregation with a unbelieving father left the religion in her 20's and then did a lot of experimentation with drugs and sex. The father saw that the daughter went crazy once she left the religion, and so started to become interested in the Witnesses. A classic case of mixing up cause and effect.
