Elders breaking Confidentiality - I want this thread to be dirtyy

by usualusername 50 Replies latest jw friends

  • sd-7

    Well, I remember one elder telling me, if what someone did gets out, it's not because of the elders telling other people, and that an elder could lose his position for breaching confidentiality. This seemed to fly in the face of reality, as without fail everytime someone got in trouble, my mom always knew what they did. Now surely, everyone didn't just go and blab to someone else, now did they? I never knew on my own, as I considered it as none of my business. I bristled whenever gossip came up and wanted to avoid it like the plague.

    Fast forward to my own committee, and I found my mother knew I was going to be DF'd before it happened. Now consider, I had already been in another congregation for some time, not even the same congregation as her. She says my wife didn't tell her. And I know I didn't tell her. And I hadn't clearly identified myself on this site yet, that I remember--as I'm sure my mom would've brought up, hey why are you posting this stuff on the Internet? So there's really only one other possible conclusion--someone else in that room had to be the one to tell someone about it.

    I may be wrong, but on the plus side, at least I have no way of knowing who said what to who. Hey, maybe they did keep confidentiality and my wife talked to someone in my mom's congregation and then they started spreading the word. I just have trouble fully believing that, is all.


  • Blind_Of_Lies

    This reminds me of a time many years ago when a guy got arrested for DUI and couldn’t make bail. One of the elders actually mentioned him and his family by name during the announcements. He said he was in jail for DUI and that his wife/kids could use any support we could offer. His wife and kids were at the meeting, the announcement was obviously unexpected and she burst into tears and left pretty much instantly. My wife and I were friends with her and she was actually in our driveway when we got home. Apparently she had confided in this elder guy at her husband’s request, she didn’t ask him to keep it quiet but assumed the fact that she talked to him in the back room was obvious enough. My wife and I were able to help get him out of jail, he was a good guy and made a stupid mistake. Anyway, I tried throwing a fit on his and his wife’s behalf about the announcement but they didn’t seem to care stating that his arrest was public record anyway. The elder apologized for sideswiping her like that publicly but nothing ever came of it OTHER… than the husband getting DF’d because he told the elders to stick it when they tried pulling a JC on him over the issue. Turns out he had like 3 beers, was not drunk but got nailed anyway. Gotta love the laws.

  • pontoon

    Just so all know. The body meets and hears a general description of a possible JC case and to appoint the three elders to investigate, counsel or proceed with JC if warrented. If they do go to JC the rest of the body is out of it. The JC is not even supposed to share details with the rest. That's how it is suppose to work. BUT, most of them love to talk and hear what they are not suppose to hear. In my case living so close to Wat. Farm there are new brothers coming to our cong. often, already elders (so much for knowing the "appearance of the flock.") Anyway elders bring them by my house and they know way more about me than they need to. It taints their opinion of me to whatever the opinion of the brother who they rode with. They come to my house, "encourage" me to return, want to know about my life. I don't tell them anything, but counting travel time it's a easy 30-60 mins. of field service for them.

  • 00DAD

    WH: Crabs in a bucket?!?!?!?

    Elucidate please!

  • itsibitsybrainbutbigenoughtosmellarat

    What a crock, the last BOE I was on used to yak about funny all time cases and lies encountered. "Like a guys whose pants fell off leading to O-sex in the KH parking lot"

    The bastards laughed at the troubles, sex lives, weaknesses of many good, trusting and upstanding people. I am so glad to part company with a vast majority of JW- Elder- wanna -be -christians.

  • 00DAD

    Recently an elder I'd never met from a hall I'd never been to since he moved into the area stopped by for the "annual call on DF'd ones" (took 'em three years to get around to it, but the way the WT defines "soon" I guess three years is pretty good ... but I digress).

    Anyways, while we were talking he "just happened" to mention the very reason I'd been disfellowshipped. I called him on it asking how he knew that since it was SUPPOSED TO BE CONFIDENTIAL. (And I reminded him that elder bodies are NOT supposed to share that with elders on the same body let alone with elders in different congregations).

    He replied that he was just saying "hypothetically" and that he didn't actually know why I'd been DF'd.

    At that point I flat out accused him of lying, pointing out that of all the reason a person could be DF'd "just happening" to mention the very one was beyond unlikely. He stuck to his "coincidental" reason.

    I kindly reminded him where the door was in case he'd forgotten and encouraged him to go by a lottery ticket. With guessing skills like his he could make a fortune ... oh, unfortunately gambling is against his religion!!!

    What a dolt!

  • NewChapter

    I've had bombshells dropped on me from both elders and their wives! And the weird part was that I never asked for any info---they just threw it in from left field. these were really embarrassing things. Since I value confidentiality a great deal more than your average elder, I never repeated any of it then, and of course, I will not do so here.

    Regarding myself, I went inactive for a couple of years. When I returned, I was in a new congregation. I was put on private reproof and restricted from commenting. These people didn't know me, and could easily have assumed that I was never in the habit of commenting (which was pretty close to the truth anyway). So one evening, in the midst of post meeting swirling bodies, an elder approached me in the main hall and announced that my actions showed repentence and they didn't feel I needed to be on restrictions anymore He shook my hand and congratualated me, right there, for everyone to hear. So much for private.


  • cofty

    In my last congregation we had an elder who was patriach of a large extended family including daughters, sons-in-law, sons-in-law's parents etc etc. We had an ongoing problem with confidential stuff quickly becoming general knowledge among many members of the congregation who quickly took sides on issues.

    At an elders meeting we asked him directly if he thought it was acceptable for an elder to share confidential information with his wife. His answer was, "it depends on what his relationship with his wife is like"

    For this and other issues we recomended his deletion and ended up involved in a long and very acrimonious battle with bethel reps as well as all his CO and DO buddies who had enjoyed luxurious hospitality at his house for many years.

  • Fernando

    The only reason our family was out of the loop on all the gossip is because we chose to be.

    It was certainly there, and certainly dirty.

    The congregations where virtually everyone was family were the very worst - nothing was off limits. My school friend was totally in the know on everything and anything, down to the most intimate and salacious detail.

    Also consider that as far as I know there are NO (official or effective?) boundaries between elders and elder bodies where they freely share negative information on anyone they feel a need to discredit and ostracise. We know this from personal experience across several congregations and continents.

  • Blind_Of_Lies


    Sounds to me like he was creating a “Controlled Leak” while he knew there was nothing he could oppress you over at the time he knew that once a controlled leak of judicial information took place the rumor mill would do the rest. My guess is that you had a tag on the back of your head that read “Bad Association” and that was the elder body’s way of letting everyone know you were trouble.

    Not that it was true by any means but hey… who would expect any type of truth in The Truth.

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