I was raised as a JW, baptized in a 1998 district convention, somewhere in portugal.
Studying with JWs had some positive things (not many... just a few). I learned to read before going to school and developed this excelent skill of reading, interpreting and resuming texts. I was an excellent student.
As a teenager my life sucked (and I considered it a "privilege" at that time) because I simply couldn't enjoy these best years of my life, because had to avoid all contact with people of my age (there were no young people in my congregation) so I lived the best years of my life as a "forever alone". My parents suggested me to make friends with older brothers, and I tried, but always had this feeling that thay didn't really care. I always secretly envied my schoolmates - they enjoyed life, had girlfriends, go to parties.
There was this girl in my class that loved sex, and wanted to try with me. I had to miss school that day. All I wanted was to please Jehovah. Recently I found that she became a porn actress. Can you imagine... having sex with a skilled porn star. If regrets killed, I'd be buried by now...
I later became a ministerial servant. God, I was so happy!
I started to make public talks. I had to make one and talk about the the 1914 generation after it changed ("new light"). I found these changes somehow disturbing, but tried not to think about it.
Later I married (a JW woman, of course).
In the past few months, I becase curious about the evident fear the organization has about "apostasy" and the "internet". Another strange thing: the organization loves to say "we have the truth, no need to look for it anywhere else". WTF?! "Guys, you have th truth, but please don't investigate...". Well, guess what... I HAD to investigate... that's the smart thing to do!
So I began to look in the secrecy of the internet for what other religions say. (I LOVE THE INTERNET!!!!)
I was terrified about what I was learning about the watchtower organization and its past. Worse: The org is hidding these thing from those who trust heart and soul in what it says.
The more research I do, the more I doubt everything. I don't believe in the bible anymore! How could I have been so blind, to believe in a book that says the earth was created in 6 days (please, the bible DOES say that!!), talking animals, a worldwide flood... Please, there must be a limit for human stupidity in these days !!!!
The worse thing is that I am still going to the meetings, and still am a MinServ because ALL my family is in that org. And they are fanatic enough to stop talking to me, if I leave. I found that the most fanatic JWs I know are those who don't know the bible that much.
I already said that to my wife: I don't believe in the bible anymore. I just don't want to waste more time of my limited life. That's why I don't go to field service anymore. If I have to conduct the service meeting, I just talk about some stupic KM article, do the pairs, and leave. At the end of the month I just write a "8" in the report... and leave me alone!
I go to the meetings obviously drunk (but somehow still a Min. Serv...).
Fortunately, I am working in another city. Have great coworkers. So I get distracted from all this hypocrit bullsh*t my life became. I love my job :)
That's it... I am reaching a point something must change... I am getting so tired...
Sorry for the bad english... but talking about what I truly feel... what a relief!