I was driving home the other evening pondering the past couple of turbulant years for me and my family. I reflected back on my appointment as a Ministerial servant and my attitude, beliefs and thinking at the time. I thought about the subsequent misery that being a servant brings once the the glow wears off and people stop "commending you on your fine spiritual progress." Of course after not being able to take anymore of what I saw as well as some personal revelations that blew the lid off of my whole belief system, my decline accelerated until they just went ahead and gave me the the ol' heave-ho deletion. But by then it was a relief. At least I no longer operated as a hypocrite at THAT level.
But I began to also reflect back on one of my motivating reasons for wanting to "reach out" and become a servant (elder, one day). While there were several reasons for wanting that responsibility, one reason struck me as excessively..................delusional. Or at least that's how I feel about it in retrospect. Specifically, it was my understanding at the time of "Holy Spirit". Yes, Holy Spirit. That mysterious, all-empowering, do-all, fix-all and fail-safe "Thing" that floats around directing everything and everyone who happes to be associated with some prime real estate in Brooklyn. The very entity that hides cases of Watchtowers from Gestapo agents, re-hires Mary to a better job when she gets fired for attending a District Convention, and helps a 93-year old Ugandan woman battle crocodiles to attend a straw-hut Kingdom Hall 5,000 miles away.
My understanding of Holy Spirit was simply this way: I thought that Holy Spirit would make me a better man. A better husband, father, son, lover...er, well maybe not lover but you get the damn point. I foolishly believed that if I got appointed a servant, then Holy Spirit would magically attach itself to me and I would become more insightful, respected and I would automatically enjoy the seemingly wonderful family life as depicted in every family book written by Jehovah's Witnesses.
Happy, happy! Joy, joy!
Things seemed glowing at first. But things changed and well, I found myself imagining that I was David Byrne.
And you may ask yourself "How do I work this?"
And you may ask yourself "Where is that large automobile?"
And you may tell yourself "This is not my beautiful house!"
And you may tell yourself "This is not my beautiful wife!"
So what say any of you who were/are "appointed"? Did you think that you were going to wake up with super-powers or something? Also, can someone please tell me what is the official Watchtower Society stance on "spiritual appointments" (e.g. elders, MS, etc.)? Are these guys appointed with "Holy Spirit", through "Holy Spirit" or by "Holy Spirit"? Also, once appointed, does a man have "Holy Spirit"? I've heard every possible spin on this from different hardcore J-dubbs and I want to know what the real deal is. Not that believe in any kind of spirit anymore.*
A newly appointed Brother Summers releases Holy Spirit.
* AUTHOR'S NOTE: I do believe in spirits that are found in bottles of Canadian Club whiskey. I drink that shat like milk. You hear me?! Milk!