In Love with a JW but he dumped me

by Ranavalona 28 Replies latest social relationships

  • Ranavalona

    So I just broke up with my JW boyfriend of over two years, nearly three. When I met him he was disfellowshipped and I didn't find out he was a Jehovah's Witness unitl 4 months into the relationship. Six month into he was reinstated with the caution of getting rid of me, but he didnt. We didn't do holidays except I insisted that I needed to be treated nicely for my B-Day which he did either the day before or after. I even studied-with his mother. I would go to meetings and assemblies. I told him I would not convert but I wanted to understand his background so that I can keep our relationship harmonious. But the issue was he never told his parents outright that we were dating. This was an issue we argued about constantly. Just this January I ot angry with him again and broke up with him.

    We had done the "this isn't going to work out" dance before but we always got back together within a weeks time. Oh yes we were sexually active. This time I told him I was tired of hiding and lying and why couldnt he just tell his parents the truth. I told him that he was getting to old to be lying to his family and to himself. Mostly he was lying to himself. I expected that he would man up and tell his parents and we would get back together. But we didn't. He said he wanted me to be his friend still and we were with the sex still and hanging out, like we were a couple still. When I called him out on this and asked whether we were dating or not he said no we are still just friends and he needs to get his life back on track and do right in his religion, so in short he picked the religion over me. It hurts because it seems like he is vilifying me, like me being who I am has fucked up his life when I didn't even know he was a JW at first.

    I felt like he was my soulmate. I really wanted to marry him and I was working out all the details in my head. Heck as a wordly Baptist I encouraged him to go to the meetings I would even read the publications with him (i stopped my study a while back). I never even told him all the juicy apostate stuff I researched just out of respect for him, but I guess he didn't respect me. I know I should not feel bad and its probably a good thing it didn't work out but I guess my question is was it ever going to work out and if it does one day will he have to completely abandon the organizaiton. I saw the pain on his face when he talked about being disfellowshipped (3 years for premarital sex-really). I just don't understand them. Can somethign that seemed so right really be over because of religion? I guess this is really just a vent. I have read this website the entire time I have dated him so I guess I have my answers, it still sucks. sorry for the long post. Im a first timer. All comments and advice are welcomed.

  • wannabefree

    you are much better off ... I am sorry for you ... but at the same time, congratulations

  • Stealth

    The end of most relationships suck, sorry for that. However the truth is he would always put the religion before you. That is no way to build trust in a relationship. You are lucky, you just don't know it yet.

  • james_woods

    This is a common theme here - the romance between a JW and a non-JW who has no idea what they are getting into.

    It seems like there is one of these every week or two.

    I sympathize deeply - but my comment is harsh.

    Forget this guy - he is too much controlled by this cult to ever be anything with you.

    BTW - Welcome to JWN.

  • Berengaria

    Consider yourself lucky my dear

  • Stealth

    If you think about it, he is really using you by keeping you hidden in the closet. If you get mad enough about this, you should report all of his sexual activity to the elders so they can give him another 12 months on the side line. What an asshole.

  • jwfacts

    Welcome. He obviously has issues with honesty, and so you are lucky to have gotten out of the relationship now, then be stuck with someone so untrustworthy.

    This is a common theme here - the romance between a JW and a non-JW who has no idea what they are getting into.

    It stuns me how my JWs go out and have their fun, without telling the partner. It seems being raised a JW breeds such deceptiveness.

  • garyneal

    You are better off without him, and my advice, stay as far away from Jehovah's Witnesses, Moonies, Mormons, Fundamentalists, etc, as possible. They have a warped view of the world.

    Think of it this way, it hurts because it did not work out. It really hurts. I can sympathize with that. Now imagine if it did work out, you two get married, he gets reinstated and becomes gung-ho on his religion. There goes birthdays for your kids, if your kids want to participate in holiday activities at their school, your husband will feel ultra compelled to prevent that. Your husband will feel ultra compelled to take the kids to all the meetings, leaving you at home alone. Of course, you could go along but you will feel like you are selling yourself short, doing things for others and not doing what makes you happy. You will here a constant barrage about how people in the world are second class people, only they are good people.

    Sure, you and your husband may work out something and he may promise not to try to indoctrinate them. However, he will feel compelled to indoctrinate them to hate all holidays and view people of the world with disdain. If not him, then someone else in the cong will. I had a JW babysitter scare my daughter into not wanting to watch Super Why. Fundamentalist wackos are like that as I recall how wacky some of the people at the IFB churches I use to attend were about Captian Planet and the Smurfs. Thank God my daughter got over that fear of Super Why (she watches it now).

    I don't have to go into the whole blood thing do I? He will feel compelled to refuse blood transfusions for the kids and for YOU, even at the cost of life itself.

    Count your blessing, leave this board, and do not look back. Stay away from these fundamentalist wackos and live your life.

  • biometrics

    My brother married a girl who got pregnant to a JW when she was 16. She kept the child and raised him by herself. The JW father never wanted to see or have anything to do with his own son, and never paid child support.

    Now the father is a MS or something higher in the JWs. His son wrote him a heartfelt letter to get in contact, he replied saying he's not interested in meeting him. He's too worried that it would affect his position in the congregation. Despite the fact his son is now a JW too!

    The point being if the JWs can make a father so cold hearted toward his own son, what chance does a 'Worldy' girlfriend have?

  • av8orntexas

    Stealth hit the nail on the head.

    He was just using you. Gets to have all the sex he wants. No one knows...then......when he's done having fun,go back and ask forgiveness.

    My ex did the same thing. Got DF'ed for having sex with one ex of hers. While DF'd when out,partied,clubbed,met a non-JW guy and married him. Now.....she's had all her fun and she's reinstated and everything is cool. WTF ????????

    I've seen people do this so many times............

    They have their cake and eat it too.

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