In Love with a JW but he dumped me

by Ranavalona 28 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  GLTirebiter

  He said he wanted me to be his friend still and we were with the sex still and hanging out, like we were a couple still. When I called him out on this and asked whether we were dating or not he said no we are still just friends and he needs to get his life back on track and do right in his religion, so in short he picked the religion over me.

  Welcome! I'm sorry your reason for coming here was is so painful. Like James Woods said, this happens much too often.

  He wasn't just picking the religion over you, he was using you. He was playing the good JW at the Kingdom Hall while breaking every rule he can get away with. He wants all the "benefits", but he isn't interested in being a genuine friend (friends are honest). I'm sorry to have to say this so harshly, but you deserve somebody who will treat you with respect and honesty, while he deserves somebody who will do unto him as he does unto others. Walking away is probably the best thing to do.
• 

  Lozhasleft

  Hello and welcome. I'm sorry you are hurting. As some have said this scenario is all too common. Having the WTBS in a marriage is worse than having another woman, you can never take priority. Hard as it is you really have had a lucky escape. You don't need to tie yourself to a deceitful cult member. Pick yourself up and live a little and next time around find someone who will adore you and meet your emotional needs. This man never can. Don't waste yourself on him, please. You certainly deserve a better deal.

  Loz x
• 

  steve2

  Warning: A awful lot of disfellowshipped JWs are like very guilty children who try to hide their worldy deeds from "Mom and Dad" (i.e., the religion). And just like children caught with their hand in the cookie jar, these scolded JWs can take only so much disapproval from their parents before they snap, crumble and fall back into line. Tails have never before been so contritely tucked between legs.

  Trouble is, once they re-secure their parents' moist-eyed approval, they get 'dem itchy feet for wordly deeds all over again. The dreary cycle starts again and the same old "worldly" girls or guys get used.

  So, as much as it hurts you right now, you're better off falling in love with a man who behaves, not like a child, but an adult capable of taking and making grown-up decisions.

  Your job is simple: Celebrate your now-found freedom from having an intimate relationship with a "mere" child cleverly disguised as a shell of a man. Now get your butt out there and find yourself a real man! You deserve one for a change.
• 

  Phizzy

  Hi Ramovo !

  Good screen name, she was a strong woman. The advice above is good, the JW who will not see what the religion really is will always choose the religion over anything or anyone else.

  It hurts like hell to move on from someone you love, but you have to look after yourself, he will not look after your interests in any way, he is too selfish, sad but true, and change is not for him.

  Good luck for the future, I am sure you will fall in love again soon, this time I hope with someone who deserves you.
• 

  Slidin Fast

  There must be someone without all that baggage. He has been dishonest (he has to be or he loses his family). He has to choose between you and all the rest of his life. He will be conflicted and unhappy if he does not make that decision.

  At best you will only have half a man until he makes the break.

  He makes the break or you are in limbo.
• 

  Bangalore

  Welcome to the board.

  Bangalore
• 

  Ranavalona

  All of you are amazing. I knew all of this before but its great seeing it in writing. Thanks! And I am glad that Phizzy recognizes the name. She was a strong woman, I had forgotten that, so I have to be strong too. It will be very difficult but I will do alright.
• 

  insearchoftruth

  Would agree with the general thoughts on this thread, my wife was raised JW and is in an on again/off again relationship with the WTS and when she is, the WTS comes first.

  You shall do great!!!!
• 

  nugget

  So sorry for you it is always a shock when the religion comes before what is important. The fact that he never fully committed to you is a good indicator of what your life would have been like. The fact that he wanted to continue seeing you without any commitment shows that he wasn't true to either you or his faith. He betrayed both.

  As a witness he could never give you his heart or feel free to be with you. Even if he had chosen you, the sad truth is you would never have his heart. You could devote yourself to him but he would never do the same for you. Out there is someone who can give you his heart and love, who will take pride in being seen with you and will not put you lower in his life that his beliefs. You deserve a healthy happy relationship and in some ways you have had a lucky escape. When you get into a non dysfunctional relationship you will realise what you have been missing and wonder why you spent so much time with this man.

  Good luck in your future relationships.
• 

  diamondiiz

  Feel lucky you didn't marry the guy. It may sound cold and hard to understand, but your breakup with him is the best thing that could have happened to you. Dating or worse, marrying a believing JW may end up a horror story for anyone. Sure there are marriages that are happy between jws and non believers but I would guess they are in minority.

  A believing JW will always put wts ahead of you. Meetings, weekly recruitments all take priority over you, anything you do to interupt that is "your fault because you are worldly and don't understant and lover Jehovah"... The respect you have for him, he will never have for you unless he researches watchtower and comes to understand it's a fraud, until he is at that point he is and most likely always be damaged goods that you don't need in your life.

  There are a lot of good JWs but because of their belief system they can't be real friends, nor can they be marriage material. These people generally have families that won't accept non-JW spouse in to their families on the same level as they would another JW. Your kids will most likely be forced to be indoctrinated in their ways, and even if the JW parent would allow the other parent to chose religiously for the kids (very doubtful) the kids would still be bombarded with JW beliefs and guilt from the JW grandparents.

  You're JW buddy is using you and that's all there is to it, if you want any chance with him get him to start researching his beliefs and don't be anything more than friends with him until he actually grows some balls and starts treating you like an equal not like a "worldly" person.