I just spoke to my eldest daughter (I'll name her Liv here) on the phone. I am still shaking all over my body. Partly cause I'm scared to death, partly cause I feel there is a small hope. She is 20 years old. Married since 19 and lives in another part of the country. I raised her a JW. Yes I grief the fact that I did. She got baptised at 15. Very devoted.
I no longer devoted....far from. And she knows I'm still in only because thats my only chance to be her mother! She sort of accepts this, though I know it makes her sad. I might die in Harmageddon because of my disbelief. I can feel this is one of her consernes. She also thinks I'm a bit hypocrit for staying....
We talked about dayly life, and then I asked her about her little sister (17 years old, I'll name her Sue here) also moved out, and veeery devoted. They have spent holiday together recently. Lately I have felt that my youngest avoids me and dont take initiative to visit or phone me. Odd, since she's the one who has been closest to me allways. I asked Liv if she knew why, and that was the start of our real conversation!
Well, as I had suspected, the reason why Sue avoids me is because I no longer go to the meetings, give her advices that is not according to GB policy, etc etc. It is soooo hard for me to keep my mouth shut. I then told her that it was exactly what I thought.
Then she really opens up and share her views, frustrations about me, and ofcours defends JW, allthough she too has been disapointed about a thing or two, the childabuse inside the org etc. But, she states, its been taken care of mum!! I tell her my consernes, and I beg her from the deepest of my heart, to do research, to investigate the doctrines, the history of the org. And of course she tells me she has read alot, but wount read anything written by "bitter whiny people that are angry at JW". I tell her it is so important for her to be 100% sure of what she believes in really is the thruth. I tell her she owes it to her self, her family, her future children, because of the great impact it has on our whole life. I tell her I would be glad to suggest litterature that can help her to dig in deap on doctrines, history, and make her able to decide if JW doctrines are waterproof or not. But I tell her that I am afraid to do so, and that if it came to some elders ears, I could risc getting DF. Then she says, that, "no, I dont believe that"! And she actually let me send her an e-mail on this!
Well, I intend to follow that small hope inside of me, that sence that she actually understand that it is important to do research. I have to take the risk, even if it scares me to death. I know deep inside of me that if Liv gets to understand the thruth about the thruth, then she will be the one person who will be able to reach her little sister too.
So, all you wonderfull people on this forum; Please help me out on this one. What sober, valid, not "whiny" litterature would you suggest I'd recomend my daughter to read that (in my dreams?)will be able to open her mind, and give her the guts to take the red pill, be free, and able to live a full life.
Huh, I'm still shaking.
Big hug from Cirkeline