by Chemical Emotions 52 Replies latest jw friends
I went decades, not years, decades with depression and low self esteem... only I didn't realize it. I grew up feeling like that all the time so to me it was "normal". School councilors would ask me if I had low self esteem and I would always answer "no".
The first problem is for a person to first know what "normal" is before they can know if they are depressed or have low self esteem.
I went decades, not years, decades with depression and low self esteem... only I didn't realize it. I grew up feeling like that all the time so to me it was "normal".
Same here. I had depression and low self esteem ever since I was a kid so I didn't realise that I was supposed to feel differently. To me, being depressed was "normal".
now that sounds like my exact story too
i never knew how i should have felt or what was normal as a kid, and has taken decades for me to figure out who i truely am, one day i will figure it out.
FSP
As Elsewhere said one first has to be free of the Watchtower cult and thinking to start learning what is normal and to begin to understand just how deviant and harmful this particular cult is.
I'm guilty of this...and still fighting it.
It wasn't exactly "encouraging" when i get compared to other dubs and even bible studies.
The borg is amazing at destroying self-esteem.
There's a difference between knowing that you are capable of doing well in school or doing well on the job and knowing/feeling that you are a good person, worthy of being loved and respected. I grew up with a huge measure of overconfidence in my academic abilities, but always feeling like I was basically trash as person. That's hard to overcome, even when you know it's not really rational.
Someone mentioned at having no idea what normal is. This is a big deal with Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. Of course, no one is perfectly normal but on a continuum, the Witnesses are not present at normal. I learned normal from TV, films, and school friends. People flying thru the air b/c of abuse is not normal yet I was raised that it was normal. Expecting the world to end any day is not normal. Not going to college b/c some sect says it can give you are world class education is not normal.
I had that too as a small/older child. Not understanding that I was depressed even though I sensed that I was unhappy. I thought that I had no right to be unhappy, which made my self esteem worse.
I've had depression as well as thoughts of suicide/not wanting to live anymore ever since my early teens and I knew that there was SOMETHING wrong but I didn't quite know what it was. All I knew was that I didn't feel good. It wasn't until after I graduated that I even heard of depression and the "low self esteem" that was at the root of it. It's only since I've decided to leave the JWs for good that, in turn, I found the root causes of my "low self esteem" and my negative thinking/self concept: It was the garbage I had to put up with from other JWs and the guilt drilled into my head by the WTS! I got rid of most of the JWs in my life and I'm trying to shed the guilt and shame instilled in me via my upbringing. The proper medication (for me) that I've received as of late seems to have really tipped the scales, though. Chatting with fellow XJWs online helps a lot too: It helps knowing that I'm not alone.
With all that being said, I don't believe so much in the concept of "self esteem" as in *self kindness*. I believe that people should be kind to themselves in that they should be forgiving, accepting and tolerant of their own mistakes and personal flaws, just like they should be with those of everyone else. People should be gentle and nurturing to themselves instead of beating themselves up for previous mistakes and present personality flaws. It's kind of like the Golden Rule in reverse: One should treat his/herself in a way that others would want and expect to be treated by him/her. The concept of self sacrifice as exemplified by the Judeo/Christian tradition is often taken way out of context by modern society. OTOH, too high a sense of "self esteem" is little more than narcissism, really...
V665
"What happen" I wish you the best, and hope things sort out for you. There is always something around the corner to "kick us in the knees" or try to destroy our self esteem. JWN has been a blessing to upbuild me, while opening up my eyes to various ideas and opinions. We all (all with JW background) have something in common, like shell shocked soldiers coming from the front line. Now, how can we make sense of it all?
