Well, I was disfellowshipped about 2 weeks ago. I was in it for ten years and it was 9 years and 11 months too long. I honestly don't know why it took me so long to do my research on this organization. I feel like if I had this information back in early 2000, I would not have gotten baptized. I decided to live my life and not worry about what the W&TS has to say about it, so they disfellowshipped me for resuming a relationship with my ex-husband. We are actively working on restoring our relationship and possibly remarrying. He is the love of my life and we have two grown children together. I still love him and I want to try and work things out.
They disfellowshipped me for having a physical encounter with him outside of marriage. Let me state that I was remorseful, but I questioned the actions of the elders. See I personally knew of a relative (who attended the same hall) who left his family, moved out of the home, did not support his wife after he left (she did not get one dime from him) then shortly after committed adultery, yet was only publicly reproved; they got pissed off because I brought that up and questioned their decisionmaking, they disfellowshipped me. So I say okay cool, no problem, I was going to disassociate anyway. So whatever. Not pressed in the least!
I only have one relative that is a JW now, the rest of my family is not in organization. I also did not really have any strong friendships with any of the people in my KH except for 2 or 3 individuals. I hate the fact I wasn't going to be able to communicate with them anymore, but am more than capable of moving on. If they chose to listen to them and not speak to me, that's their decision as grown individuals, their lost.
I do have friends outside of the organization I never stop communicating with and I'm glad I never severed those relationships (I ain't stupid) after getting bapitzed. I thought it was dumb to just kick those people to the curve just because they said it would be so-called bad association. I was old enough (in my forties) to make that call on my own, I didn't need any help from them. The individual I dealt with outside the org. respected the fact that I was a JW and never said anyting demeaning about the religion, nor ever encouraged me to leave. We actually didn't talk about religion much per say and just focused on mutual interests. Yet at every turn, all the JW's did was talk loads of mess about other religions. They seemed obsessed with running other religions into the ground, to make it seem like they're the only viable option, yet those organizations don't give them the time of day. A hit dog will always holler the loudest. I always thought anybody talking the most junk, is trying to deflect from their own madness!
See I was half-in and half-out. I never totally drank the kool-aid. I did the bare minimum when I was in because I always felt in the back of my head 'hey, what if these people are lying to me?'
I defintitely still have faith in God, what I don't have faith in is big-box organized religion like the JW's aka W&TS. Their whole format is so cold, generic and cookie-cutter. I just can't anymore. It was getting too stressful for me to stay in and I was really started to dread the days I had to go to the meetings. I thought the FS was a exercise in futility that was killing my time to rest and regroup on the weekends from a long work-week; not to mention the people in the KH were so fake and phoney, I rarely stayed after the meetings to associate. I starting feeling like they were asking me to accept low-level relationships with these people that I really, really didn't know just because they went to the KH. I had better, more sincere relationships with the few individuals I was close to outside of the KH who I knew for years, then I did in.
I also got tired of the constant badgering and creative guilty-tripping the organization was doing about going out in FS. Every ministry school it was more and more badgering about "how can you increase your time in the FS, how to do more in the FS, starting a doorstep bible study, are you making the most of your return visits, are you doing all you can, are you witnessing informally, are you taking advantage of evening witnessing, can you make it a habit to go out on Sundays" that mess never stopped. I felt like they don't give a woot about me as a person, do they? All they want me to do is slave away in the FS. The heck with what am going through, what am feeling or helping me develop a better personal relationship with God. Just get out there in FS, that's their answer for every single thing! Just read our literature, go to our meetings and get out in FS, that all you need. Like some 1-2-3 diet plan. Follow our plan/ format and you will (lose 100 pounds in 2 months) experience a spiritual paradise. I kept waiting............
One day I just said enough already. I'm not happy, in fact I'm miserable and this organization has turned something as intimate and personal as one's relationship with God into some burdensome, cold, depressing and frustrating. Time to go! Glad am out! Only regret is that I didn't leave sooner.