What would you do??? (page 2)

Fernando

Hey marriedtoajw! I would go with rebel8's suggestion, as a sound foundation for escalation if any. You may want to openly record the discussion! This way MIL cannot afterwards claim she was not advised and warned! Make her answer to you and explain herself when she is on your territory.

DesirousOfChange

The core of your problem is not you MIL but your wife.

Could be that the wife does not want to take the hard stand against her Mom. That is hard to do. Easier to just roll along and keep peace.

One meeting once a year or so is no big deal. Don't make an issue of it to your daughter. THat could just peak her curiosity. Take something away from a kid and the more they want it.

JMHO

DOC

mrsjones5

"Could be that the wife does not want to take the hard stand against her Mom. That is hard to do. Easier to just roll along and keep peace."

That could be the case but she's a wife and a mother now. It's time to put the big girl panties on.

wasblind

" It's time to put the big girl panties on "

Yep, where her draws at ?????

pandora

Just a thought here, but if MIL is a true believer, then she thinks she is saving that child's life and hopefully yours in the process. We all know they will stoop to very low means to get what they feel is a good outcome.

They have no 'actual' moral high ground. They will do whatever it takes. So be careful. She is waging a war and you are on the wrong side, as far as she is concerned.

Personally, I never allowed my mother to take my daughter to the Kingdom hall after she was a year old. But I did allow her to go with her Cousins. The Cousins were not about converting her. It was just a place they went three times a week. But when she was about 7, she got the story of how her Mommy ended up on her own at 17 because her grandmother left her behind when she moved out of town. How her Grandmother chose a religion over her own child. And her Mommy would never do that to her, because she loved her above all else.

In the end, my daughter grew up to be an intelligent young woman who puts family first, and doesn't believe in mythical drival. I'm very proud of her. Can you tell?

It can turn out ok. But I must say, It would be a hell of a lot easier if your wife was on your side. Communication will be the key.

marriedtoajw

You've all made great points. My wife is very intimidated by her mother. Her dad, in my opinion, is a really giving person but weak and so mom gets what she wants. She's use to it. She portrays herself as a giving person but I've seen the fangs from time to time. I do notice a change in her dad, he seems to be developing fangs. MIL is a true believer in the Authority of the Org. and feels it's her calling to get everyone in. I am preventing her from fullfilling her fantacy. I believe my wants has a need to get the approval of her mother in all things and is trying to pacify her as best she can, while attending meetings from time to time while at the same time trying to keep peace with me. She is in a tough spot but so am I.

mrsjones5

Yeah afterwhile the more passive spouse begins to take on the charatistics of the more aggressive spouse. Same thing happened with my parents. All of a sudden my passive father began to act just as crazy as my aggressive mother. I had no choice but to shut both of them down.

rebel8

In pioneer school we were instructed in no uncertain terms not to violate the parental spiritual authority. The parent has control and responsibility over all spiritual matters for minor children. If the parent makes the wrong decision, too bad, so sad, the kid dies with the parent.

There is a scripture about it and some literature quotes, if you can find those maybe you can just reason with the MIL directly. Until she complies, don't let her alone with the kid. The last thing the world needs is more innocent victims.

Anony Mous

You need to be firm with those people. The motivation is to indoctrinate them while they are young (the reasoning is that maybe she'll remember later and be interested). They probably consider your older ones already a lost cause as they can make their own decisions. AND THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT I HEARD OTHER GRANDPARENTS SAY AND DO!!!

So tell your MIL (or whoever) that you as head of household (use that term) need to give permission to take them anywhere and that she cannot skirt this by going to your wife. Say you're not opposed to their religion but you would prefer that if she wants to take them to church (use that term too unless you're an ex-JW) that you need to know first.

Vanderhoven7

Your MIL crosses you behind your back. Thank God she is not living with you and taking advantage when you are not there. When MIL is around, make sure you are too. You are the authority. Don't stoop to complaining. Save the backyard work for later.

What would you do???

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