What would you do???

marriedtoajw

My JW mother in law is in town this week. My JW wife and I went to my cousins New Years party last night and came home after 2am while my inlaw watched the kids. Today she gets into a discussion with my wife that I overheard telling her we shouldn't have gotten home so late cuz she assumed her and my wife would go to the meeting today. The wife woke up late mother in law made a stink of it. So she ended up going to the afternoon meeting but kidnapped my 6 year old daughter and took her while I was in the back yard.. I'm very upset but keeping my kool... How upset would you be if your in law knew how you felt but did this anyway. My other boys 14 and 10 did not go. My daughter loves grandma but I can't stand the religion. Inside I'm pissed, very pissed. How pissed would you be?

marriedtoajw

By the way, wife did not go, just dropped them off...

Iamallcool

I do not think going to only one meeting will hurt your daughter. I do not know. She is only 6. I hope that she was daydreaming during the whole meeting.

Iamallcool

Maybe you can tell your mother in law that next time she must have your permission for your daughter to be with her at the hall.

mrsjones5

If I was you I would not approach the MIL. I would have a talk with the wife after the Inlaws leave.

Iamallcool

I think Mrs. Jones is right! keep your cool would be a good suggestion for you to consider.

marriedtoajw

Mrsjones, normally this how I would handle it. The thing is, she is always doing stuff like this knowing how I feel. It's as if she is daring me to say something. I've spoken to my wife on other occasions about things like this but it does no good. I believe my in law is baiting me so that she could witness to me in front of the kids. I truely don't know how long I can continue biting my lip.

mrsjones5

She is daring you. Once you take that step it's like she's on the path of winning. The core of your problem is not you MIL but your wife. She's allowing her mother to act this way towards her husband and her own family. How do I know? I used to do the same to my own husband early in our marriage and it didn't stop until my husband made me aware of how I was hurting him and ultimately our marriage.

So, like I tried to say before your problem is not your MIL but your wife.

rebel8

It is a serious boundary violation to take someone else's child to any church w/o the parents' permission.

However, perhaps she is obtuse. Give her the benefit of the doubt and speak to her about the need to respect your spiritual authority as a parent. [jws believe you must speak to a person who has offended you and they also believe the parent has the authority over spiritual matters.]

She probably does know what she did is wrong, but 1st things first.

If you can't bring it up directly, perhaps question her about her beliefs in regards to who has spiritual authority over one's offspring. Then remind her of it when she crosses the line the next time. Recommend she speak to her elders for counsel because she is having such trouble complying with the scriptural mandate.

GLTirebiter

The thing is, she is always doing stuff like this knowing how I feel. It's as if she is daring me to say something. I've spoken to my wife on other occasions about things like this but it does no good.

And from your introduction thread (posted under your previous screen name, "Sahara"):

After we got married her mother started putting the pressure on her to study with the JW's and in time, she announced to me that she would. I felt a huge crush, not knowing what to do about it because I knew how unorthodoxed the JW's were but I was still unsure what to do with myself but that just seemed like too far of a stretch ...

One by one, her father, her sister/husband and a couple of cousins fell to the JW's like dominos and I was the only hold out. Because my wife's family live out of state and all of my family and extended family are in the same county, I felt bad for her and would spend every single vacation I have ever had in the last 15 years visiting her family and going on vacations together, mostly camping. I know her family had been trying to win me over by killing me with kindness, and it almost worked.

That tells me that Mrs. Jones is probably right. I think that your wife is afraid to confront both you and your MIL, so she pushes the boundaries with you (allowing your daughter to go) and also with MIL (not going to the meeting herself). You really do need to talk this out and have clearly agreed boundaries about not proselytizing your children, or you. If your wife is not actively on board, then MIL (and aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) will feel free to go behind your back, indoctrinating your children against your wishes. This is particularly important because of the Watchtower's antagonism against Catholics (meaning the relatives on your side of the family, according to your introduction post as "Sahara").

It really is important to get your wife on board, set boundaries, and that you both insist those boundaries be respected at all times. Failing to stand together as married partners is a huge mistake. You can't do this alone.

What would you do???

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