Does Looks Really Matter?

by butalbee 69 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  thinkers wife

  Man this is a cool thread. So many good things said. And sooooooo many true confessions. This is riveting!!
  TW
• 

  Seeker

  Don't want to sound shallow, but looks do matter to me, a guy might have a great personality, be kind, warm, and gentle, but if I'm gonna wake up next to him, I'm gonna like what I see...Guys are just the same, they want big breasts, nice ass, a pretty face, and any guy who says not is a liar.

  I don't want big breasts in a woman. I'll accept her anyway, but that would be one strike against her.

  How nice it is when you get the whole package, looks and personality. But if I have to choose, I take personality every time. When you wake up next to her, you don't see her less-than-perfect looks, you see the person you love.
• 

  Tatiana

  If only there were more men like you, Seeker!

  Our society DOES put a lot of emphasis on looks. We are bombarded every day with Victoria's Secret models. Skinny women have it all. Have you ever noticed....pay attention next time if you haven't.......on every Burger King or McDonalds commercial, you will NEVER see an overweight woman? Oh, you'll see men stuffing it down. With a big gut. But never the woman. Women who eat at Wendys don't gain an ounce.

  Have you ever noticed that you will almost never see a rich and powerful man, or a famous rock star, with a homely, overweight woman? Did you ever notice that on most of the sitcoms, where the guy looks like hell, the wife is always beautiful and thin? (The new sitcom with James Belushi-Bernie Mack-The Simpsons--haha that was a joke)
  The only place you see overweight women at all is on Jerry Springer. And portrayed in a bad way most of the time.

  I have for most of my life been a very petite person. At 5'4" and 107 lb., even after I had 4 children. After I was raped, I put on weight. Now it fluctuates.
  I have been rejected before because I gained a few pounds. I have been told I had to lose some weight or no sex. I have been told that it was my fault I gained weight when I was pregnant. My own father told me he thought I was lazy because I put on weight after I was raped. I guess it didn't matter that I was terrified and on anti-depressants. I didn't leave the house for 3 months, until they caught the guys.
  Some people actually think you are less intelligent if you are fat. Sad, but true. How many people get hired on looks when a much more qualified but homely person should have the job? I've seen it done too much.

  It's hard to UN-ingrain (new word-hehe) years and years of brainwashing. Thank God there are men like you.

  As for me, I wouldn't care if Randy (my fiance)had warts the size of Oregon all over him. I didn't see a pic of him till a few months ago. And I loved him so much already, nothing would have changed it. I look forward to growing old together. Happy to say he's another one who doesn't care about looks. His former girlfriend weighed about 250 lb. and he told me she was beautiful. I think that did it for me!!

  "Grow old along with me......
  the best is yet to be......."

  April

  If you bury the truth under the ground, it will but grow, and gather to itself such explosive power that the day it bursts through it will blow up everything in its way.--Emile Zola, J'accuse
  http://www.network54.com/Forum/171905
• 

  Seeker

  April,

  That was a beautiful post, one of the most beautiful I have read here. Down to your "Grow old along with me..." quote and your J'accuse reference. That's the way to my heart, all the things you just said in the way you said it.

  And I'm quite sorry to hear of your ordeal, and glad to see how you seem to have resolved it.

  Thanks for making my day with that post!
• 

  waiting

  Found in the men's restroom at a restaurant/bar:

  "Just remember, no matter how good she looks, someone else got real tired of that bitch."

  Another (in a book): "Interestingly, I've never seen a beautiful, young woman in love with an old, ugly, poor man."

  April - May you find much love and romance with your Randy. You much deserve it. Btw, your children will most likely ingrain your thoughts - which is a compliment to you.

  waiting
• 

  Smoldering Wick

  Consider the following classic findings in social psychology by Mark Snyder, Elizabeth Decker Tanke, and Ellen Berscheid in 1977.

  The Impact of Beauty and Its Self-Fulfilling Nature

  Experiment Cover Story

  Male participants were told that they were in an investigation of "how people become acquainted with each other" and each one of them had been assigned a female partner, with whom they were to get acquainted through phone conversations. But before talking, each male was given a photograph of his female partner.

  Experiment Control

  The truth is, the girl on the photograph viewed by the male participant was not his female partner in the experiment. For half of the male participants, the picture showed a very attractive woman; for the others, it showed a relatively unattractive woman. But it was the same woman they all later had a conversation.

  Procedure

  -- After the conversation, the male participants were asked to rate their female partner.

  -- Independent observers, who had never seen the photograph, were allowed to listen to a tape recording of only the woman's half of the conversation.

  Results

  1. As predicted, the male participants who thought they were talking with an attractive partner rated her as more poised, humorous, and socially adept than did those who thought they were talking with a less attractive woman.

  2. Surprisingly, the independent observer, who had no idea whether the woman was attractive or not, also rated her more positively, when her conversation partner was given a beautiful photograph of "hers". They rated her as more attractive, more confident, more animated, and warmer than the woman whose partner thought her to be less beautiful.

  Conclusion

  Knowing that someone is beautiful influences our perception and judgment about that person's personality, intelligence, and behavior. We would therefore interact with that person in a way, which, in turn, will actually bring out the good character in him or her. It is quite possible that a beautiful child, having been treated as "good" and lovable from a very young age, will grow up viewing him- or herself the same way, and behave accordingly. Conversely, a less attractive child, after being continually treated as "bad" and unlovable, "bad" and unlovable becomes what they see themselves, and they will start to behave accordingly. The stereotype that beautiful people are good and ugly people are bad thus becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  Personal observation...I've noticed that posters who have attractive pictures on their profile seem to be more popular on this discussion board. (Even when it turns out it isn't their real picture..the perception has been made)

  :::wick...reconsidering her profile pic:::
• 

  Seeker

  Very interesting information, Wick. Thanks for posting it.

  Personal observation...I've noticed that posters who have attractive pictures on their profile seem to be more popular on this discussion board. (Even when it turns out it isn't their real picture..the perception has been made)

  Indeed, I take great delight in using a goofy-looking pic. I can only imagine what perception this puts in people's minds, but whatever it is, I don't care.
• 

  Solace

  I do not think looks are important. What someone might find attractive, someone else might not. I do think personal hygiene is very important. Regardless of what someone looks like, I think everyone should take care of themselves. I wouldnt want to be around someone who hasent showered in days, but then again, that sort of thing might not bother someone else.
  I guess its all in your own perception.
• 

  teejay

  April,

  Very nice post.

  You sent me scurrying for a textbook that I used for a class not long ago. Very brainy, well-studied professors could not say it any better than you did. It's still interesting to note that much (all?) of what you said has been verified in scientific studies. Notice the following...
  -----------------------------------------------------------

  PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS

  Physical attractiveness can powerfully influence the conclusions that we reach about a person's character. We generally give attractive people credit for more than their beauty. We presume them to be more intelligent, interesting, happy, kind, sensitive, moral and successful than people who are not perceived as attractive. They are also thought to make better spouses and to be more sexually responsive (Dion, 1972; Feingold, 1992; Zuckerman, Miyake, & Elkin, 1995).

  Not only do we tend to credit physically attractive people with a wealth of positive qualities, but we also tend to like them more than we do less attractive people. One reason is that physical attractiveness is considered a positive attribute (Baron & Byrne, 1991). We often perceive beauty as a valuable asset that can be exchanged for other things in social interactions. We may also believe that beauty has a "radiating effect"—the glow of others' good looks enhances our own public image (Kernis & Wheeler, 1981).

  Whatever its origins, our preoccupation with physical attractive has material consequences. Attractive people do tend to be happier, they make more money, and they are more likely to be treated leniently by teachers (McCall, 1997). In addition, research has found that mothers of more attractive infants tend to show them more affection and play with them more often than mothers of unattractive infants (Langlois, et al., 1995). In general, we tend to give attractive-looking people the benefit of the doubt: if they don't live up to our expectations during the first encounter, we give them a second chance, ask for or accept a second date, or seek further opportunities for interaction.

  These reactions can give attractive people substantial advantages in life, becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Physically attractive people may come to think of themselves as good or lovable because they are continually treated as if they were. Conversely, unattractive people may begin to see themselves as bad or unlovable because they have always been regarded that way—even as children.
  ________________

  Source: Psychology – an Introduction
  by Charles G. Morris
  with Albert A. Maisto
• 

  bitter mango

  heaven, 100% agreed! everyone gots to be CLEANCLEANCLEAN!!!

  
  you're happy cause you smile but how much can you fake...