My only own regret when I left

by Joey Jo-Jo 21 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  Joey Jo-Jo

  My parents are still witnesses, I read COC, ISOCF and ConceptOC, then decided not to attend meetings.

  I told them everything I knew about what was written and this pushed them away from me and further into the "truth", we still talk like a normal family but when a topic merges that I speak about jw's I get shunned, they don't comment. I didn't understand why they continued to believe after I mentioned gb voting system, UN, and others, I also mentioned about Ray Franz and what the bible really says, dad asked me why not I just join his (Ray's) religion since I know so much.

  I knew about Hassans books but didn't see them necessary at the time, but I didn't understand why they are acting this way.

  I just finished Releasing The Bonds, now I understand why they acted the way they did and why they didn't listen, my only regret was not reading this and Combating Cult Mind Control earlier.

  So we were all brought up in the truth, all my family members are in the truth, during the years they were taught not to think anything negative about the religion - That's how you loose part of your critical thinking skills (remenber how the brothers kept remind of how happy we all are.)

  Prayer was another issue, mum prayed allot after she heard me speak about things against the WB&TS - prayers done systematically can block what is considered negativity by the person doing the prayer

  I said things that for them seemed that I wanted them to change to another religion when in fact it's general Christianity. - I should have been more careful and shown 'd my motives to be out of true love-true love overcomes conditional love.

  There are others, but if I opted for SIA's approach when my parents were not aware of my understandings about the WB&TS, things could be different now. I understand the situation and myself a lot more know.

  I see many ex-witnesses making the same mistake as I.

  So now I am stuck.
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  sizemik

  This is pretty sad . . . sorry about this Joey Jo-Jo.

  my only regret was not reading this and Combating Cult Mind Control earlier.

  It's a common mistake I think . . . the timing of things doesn't help sometimes. Don't beat yourself up over it . . . it's tough trying to manage your own exit and get that part right as well . . . even if you do everything right, you still may not win them anyway.

  Hold on to some hope . . . you know what to do now . . . and times are changing quickly for WTS.

  Thanks for a nice honest post . . . it's valuable experience you've shared.
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  wobble

  Thanks Joey, we keep telling newbies on here to read both of Steve Hassan's books before acting, and as you painfully found out, it is good advice.

  We all at first want to blow all of their beliefs out of the water with our new found big guns, but that hardly ever works.

  Just living a good happy life yourself, and loving your family unconditionally is the way to go, eventually they may wake up.

  An old saying puts it well "When the student is ready, the Teacher arrives" , you are ready to teach them when they are ready to learn.

  Good luck !
• 

  Found Sheep

  Like said... just love them and do your best to live a full and happy life. I kinda did the same with my brother
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  Ding

  Joey,

  I empathize with your feelings, but don't be too hard on yourself. There is no surefire way to lead someone else out of a cult.

  I remember being astonished the first time I showed a JW a number of false prophecies and doctrinal contradictions right out of WT publications and having him denounce those publications as apostate literature. I said, "When does a WT or Awake article stop being `the truth' and turn into `apostate literature'?" He had no answer for that, but it didn't matter. Once he branded what I showed him as "apostate literature" all rational thought ended and I was the enemy.

  As you know, the WTS has indoctrinated JWs to see every criticism of the organization or the GB (1) as a deceptive, satanic attack on "the truth" and (2) as a loyalty-and-endurance test by Jehovah. Viewed this way, the more damning the evidence against the WTS, the more noble the JW sees himself when he ignores it all and stays loyal to the "faithful and discreet slave." He views what you show him -- not as a reason to leave the WTS -- but as irrefutable proof that you are spiritually weak, that we are truly in the last days, and that Armageddon is even closer than he realized.

  Many JWs who were "sure" their families would see the light and follow them right out have been bitterly disappointed. An approach that works great for one JW or family completely backfires with the next. So don't blame yourself. It's out of your control.
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  OnTheWayOut

  I did read COMBATTING right off the bat as I was an active JW early in the fade. I did keep quiet about my problems with JW's at first. I was making no real inroads with my wife and mother. Eventually, I had to fade away for myself. My chosen path kept contact with my mother intact and because I didn't become an outspoken apostate, my wife doesn't want to report my activity to the congregation.

  My point is that things are not vastly better for me with my family because I took a different route than you did. I have communication with my JW's but I don't have them out the door. If I try to discuss JW stuff, it causes them to shut down.

  Attempts are fine. In the end, most of us have to do what's best for ourselves and our own peace of mind.
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  garyneal

  My approach was somewhat different than yours as I was attending christian churches and she and I would go to the hall as well as church for a few years into our marriage. Everytime we left church, she would point out something wrong with what was being preached and I would take it into consideration. I was also studying with the witnesses and also thinking that they were not totally wrong in their beliefs.

  My views changed dramatically about 2 years ago and I started revealing what I had learned to my wife. I thought she would be receptive to it since she use to reveal things she thought was wrong with the churches I attended, I was wrong. I did not know about the cult mind control and it frustrated me to no end. We use to argue a lot about religion until I began to realize that I was just as bad as they (JW) were.

  Now my wife is a nominal witness, believes it is the truth but wants to do some of her own things too. She is 'fighting the flesh' this holiday season as deep down she wants to celebrate but can't because she thinks it is a 'sin.' I just try to love her and accept her as she is.
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  designs

  Garyneal-

  That's interesting, so many JWs do 'silent' Thanksgiving and Christmas days.
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  00DAD

  Joey Jo-Jo: You did what you thought/knew to be right at the time. This thing (the intricate, elaborate web of lies, mind-control and deception the the WTBTS has constructed) is so messed up there's no perfect way to untangle it. It's worse than the proverbial Gordian Knot. Keep in mind that they've had over 100 years to figure out their elaborate theology and control tactics, to refine and improve them. Plus, they've had the help of demons right from the outset.

  I know reading Steven Hassan's "Combating Cult Mind Control" was really helpful for me to both understand myself and how best to approach those we love still stuck in. BTW, thanks to Sizemik, it was he that first recommended that book to me a few months back when I first started posting here. FYI, I just got "Releasing the Bonds" and have started reading it.

  Finally, it would seem (from what I've read here and my own experience) that when we finally learn The Truth About The Truth that we often attack our family members with the same mis-placed zeal that newly converted JWs show. Back off, slow down, be patient.

  I was thinking just this morning how, whenever cognitive dissonance sets in, Witnesses are trained to accept any and all illogical teachings of the WTBTS over their own ability to think and make sense of things.

  Love, unconditional love is, I think, the only hope to reach their hearts.

  Daniel
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  garyneal

  That's interesting, so many JWs do 'silent' Thanksgiving and Christmas days.

  From what I have been reading here, I would agree. Of course, other witnesses do not see this and by association, I do not see it.

  Therefore, my wife buys snowflakes, snowmen, and the like around Christmas time and feels guilty and says that she is 'stumbling' me when in truth (and I tell her this too) she is doing what she really wants to do and being true to herself when she does it.

  My wife went to a Halloween Bash with me and the kids last night. I posted the pictures on facebook last night afterward but left out the shots with her in it. My daughter and I gave my wife a birthday cake and this year and took snapshots. She later asked me not to post them on facebook as she did not want to have to 'explain' things to her witness friends and family.

  Being on this board and reading accounts of other witnesses struggle with their faith and themselves helps me to understand my wife's delimma. Therefore, I do not judge and criticize anymore.