How many of you haven't fared too well since your exit?

by i_drank_the_wine 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • irondork

    I'm finding myself to be a bit of a loner because I still see others as "worldly" and me as... well, not. I know that's a mindset I need to shake. But for now, it prevents me from initiating or responding to situations where a freindship could potentially develop.

    My co-workers are nice enough guys just for working with, but most of them are really foul and filthy scum bags. Nobody talks at the gym. I don't hit the bars anymore (I'm also a recovering alcoholic - 9 years now). My neighbors are all a bunch of drunks or whackos or fellow loners - I wish that was an exaggeration.

    Another BIG ingredient is I feel wasted from the whole experience of leaving the organization. Exhausted. I don't have the energy right now to invest in new friendships. Maybe that's a little bit of depression at play, I don't know. I think for right now I'm okay with just coasting. I know how to make things happen and create social situations. When I get bored enough, I'll act.

  • sistif

    Slept a good night thanks for the group hug.

  • Lozhasleft

    Hello Sistiff and a big welcome to you. I experienced the double standards for husbands at home with my ex. Fight your corner and keep fighting. Its your human right.

    IDTW - It hasn't been easy since I was Dfd in 07 but it has definitely got better and better. Still now I have struggles with my perceptions of friends 'in the world'...just recently I had some difficulties and found myself genuinely shocked at the warmth and kind responses that were shown to me. I really should be fully aware by now that people are people, good and bad. But old habits and all that, the WTBS damages our trust in humankind, no question. Very gradually my life has completely changed. I started a degree as a mature student and have enjoyed it thoroughly, now in my final year. I got remarried a wonderful man, and although he claims to be atheist, he is the most 'Christian' man I've ever met in my life. I've become involved in community groups and voluntary work. I even play in a Ladies Darts Team now!

    Best of all I have found out who I am, to coin a cliche, and enjoy being true to myself. Open yourself up. My hubby says 'Dive in, and take a swim in the sea of life'. Good advice for us all.

    Loz x

  • just fine
    just fine

    When I first left I was completely lost. I didn't know what to do with my new found freedom and I did party quite a bit that first year. Then I decided to join some other groups. I played volleyball on a league, joined a women's basketball team, played on the company softball team, volunteered at the animal shelter, and adopted a dog from the shelter. It all helped me to gain some balance and perspective. I went to college and got my degree. I have been out 13 years now and I'm in a good place. It'll happen........ just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

  • GoingGoingGone

    (Raises hand) ... Having a hard time

    Been out for about 7 years now (can't believe it's been that long!), and I got my kids out and to college and leading wonderful, non-JW lives. But my husband is still in, and that makes it so hard for me to move on. All my JW friends are gone. I work from home, and have health problems that prevent me from getting an outside job right now. So I have no friends. But I think that I'm mostly afraid that if I DO get on with my life, then my husband and I will have nothing in common anymore, and I'll lose my marriage, too.

    I also come from an abusive family, and am learning to deal with the fallout of that now. Therapy helps. But some days I wonder if I'll ever be able to trust a friendship ever again, or if I'll have enough energy to invest into any relationship whatsoever. Sigh.

    I'm glad to see that it's going better for some of you. It makes me happy for you, and gives me hope that maybe things will be looking up here one day, too.

    So to everyone who needs it.... ((((hug))))


  • designs

    Nice to hear of the support mechanisms that have worked for many of us and how to set new sights on life.

    I to went to AA for many years and became a Drug and Alcohol counselor in the process, my daughter regained her life through NA and AA. day at a time

  • Quandry

    For the first two years after my husband and I left, we were so hurt and dissillusioned that we literally hid in the house with the drapes shut. Hubbie would not go outside and mow the lawn without me being there, and we kept the cars in the garage and the doors down constantly so we could shut everything and everyone out.

    I realized that I needed people and when a lovely woman at work invited me to a group of women that socialized but were members of a church I agreed to go. The ladies were so nice, and they discussed issues like mothers and children. However, after going a couple of times they were discussing relationships with God. I froze....I had no idea what my relationship with God was since leaving the WTS. I couldn't bring myself to go again.

    I have begun to cultivate friendships with some of the women at work....nothing big, went with one to a movie over the summer, and have "gone out with the girls" once or twice after work. I highly recommend doing this...

    I also recommend going back to school as it will make your self-esteem and sense of accomplishment higher. I am also in my last year of college...will graduate when I am sixty. If I can do it, you can too.

    Give it the time it takes...but know that it does get better!!!

  • i_drank_the_wine

    Thanks for all the great replies - they're more support than just about everyone in my blood "family" or my lifelong JW "friends" ever gave me.

  • Robdar

    Other than an occasional dream about Armageddon, I've done great. I do what I want to do, think what I want to think, feel what I want to feel. It is wonderful being free from the society's restraints and b.s.

  • mamalove

    Hang in there please! It will get better, but you have to make an effort. Try to make new friends, get a social life. Get passionate about something. Do things that you would not do by yourself, like take a good book and treat yourself to a nice glass of (real) wine and a great meal. Are you divorced? If so, try dating. Do some home improvement projects. I seemed to be in a depressed hole that I realize was my months of releasing the brain wash. It lasted about 6 months and then I felt very happy.

    Sometimes I get angry about things and come back here and read and vent. But overall I know without a doubt losing half my family and all of my friends was one of the smartest things I ever did. What I gained is not measurable. I have my life to live as my own, and I am truly my authentic self.

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