How many of you haven't fared too well since your exit?

by i_drank_the_wine 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • jamiebowers

    My first few years out were pretty rough. But I made sure to learn a lesson from every mistake I made and just kept going. Eventually I learned to value myself, and things seemed to fall into place. Nobody's life is perfect or happy all the time, but the longer you're out, the better it will get.

  • sistif

    talesin, I don't know how I did this all those years ago. I did get a very good job, but after 911 business went bad and our branch office closed. I do get some social secuity and I have a part time job. I have been supporting myself for the last 3 years. I have to purchase all of the food for the family, so money is tight for me as I have no idea of what he has in the bank. I hear comments from him like this "If a wife has wants she better want less." But the kh gets there check every month. Crazy man!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't understand how he gets away with this. As far as I am concerned he is only two pieces of paper to that hall a check and a time slip. Thank God I got my kids out of that hell, they are married and living good lives, so I guess I did something right.

    Thanks to all for your comments. I think God loves me, because I know I love him.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite


    One of the things I've come to realize, as I look around at the real world, is that most people don't seem to have that much of a life going. Those that seem to have things figured out are faking it, or something bad happens and they have to start over. As JWs, we were led by fantasy. We supposedly had everything seen and unseen figured out. We were always happy, or telling ourselves we had 'true joy' even though we were miserable. Now that we are living in the real world, our expectations have to adjust.

    I went through my emotional messes. Mostly I spent a lot of time here venting, typing, thinking, planning. My life felt directionless, yet life went on. I dealt with things as they came. I took advantage of opportunities. I started making opportunities. Now I'm busting my brain in college. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing. Well, maybe I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm doing my best. I've stunk up my share of quizzes and homework assignments, but I get back on the academic horse.

    Maybe someday I'll get my "new life" figured out. In the meantime, I'll enjoy the good surprises that come along in life. And I'll try to cope with the disappointments that come along the way.

    & Welcome sistif!

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises
    I have to purchase all of the food for the family

    No you don't. Purchase food for yourself and maybe any underage dependants if you have any, and leave it at that. He can buy his own food and cook it too if he's going to treat you like that.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Good point BP. A husband is supposed to provide for his own household. If he isn't doing that, he isn't a Christian.

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    And to answer the thread's question, I have on-going problems with depression, which hasn't gone away since I left the JWs more than a decade ago. I've read many comments from others who say they were able to throw away their medication when they left, but I'm here to say it doesn't apply to everyone.

    Depression is a chemical imbalance which doesn't just go away. Being a JW can bring on depression but leaving the JWs can also bring on its own set of problems. Nor does leaving necessarily mean depression just goes away. I'm saying this so those who leave who do have ongoing depression realise they are NOT alone.

  • love2Bworldly

    Sorry you are having a hard time. It took me a really long time to feel half way 'normal' but a lot of my issues were related to my f--ed up family that are not JW related. I have suffered from anxiety and severe depression since I was a small child and the JW religion just made all that worse.

    I recommend some therapy so that you can work through the issues and not feel so isolated. Leaving the JWs is a very isolating feeling because of all the BS you have been fed all those years.

  • sistif

    The brothers at the hall know that I do all of this. I have a 89 year old parent that lives in the house. I have to care for my parent to make things as comfortable as possible. I buy all of the food, my clothes, pay all of my deductibles on dentist bills, eye doctor, medications. Trust me I am on my own, and the home is paid for free and clear. He claims he supports me. The bible says that if a man does not provide for his own family, he is like a man without faith and should be removed from the congregation. Not happening to him. They ignore what goes on in homes. I called a brother I knew from when I went to the hall in regards to this patient advocate card. He asked me if I had signed the previous card and I told him I knew nothing about the document. Then I spilled my guts and told him everything. He spoke with my husband and when he got home he told me what he does with his life is none of their business. I this a double standard???????? These people make me crazy.

  • talesin

    Okay, I think we all should have a group hug ...

    ((((((((((( thread)))))))))))))


  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Good idea Talesin....

    (((((((group hug)))))))

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