How many of you haven't fared too well since your exit?

by i_drank_the_wine 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • i_drank_the_wine

    I know that I've had a hard time piecing things back together after losing my wife and family a couple years ago and haven't really gotten the ball rolling to say the least. Just curious to hear if anyone else is in the same boat, or was in the same boat and how long it took them to get a "new life" figured out and going.

  • transhuman68

    Oh well... I'm o.k. now, but I spent many years getting drunk every night and I screwed up some really good things that came my way. My family was really dysfunctional, so it took me a long time to sort through all my issues. After I joined AA my life got better. It's hard if you are born-in to cope without some kind of support group and friends around you. I think the Watchtower Society knows this; and its one of their weapons.

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    IDTW - Sorry to hear you're having a hard time right now. It will get better. For me the hardest part of leaving was the social aspect. I recommend moving forward the best way you know how. Do just one thing that's new to you and you'll start to feel better.

    You'll get more support on this topic soon, I'm sure. It's Saturday so everyone is probably running around.

    Maybe you could elaborate just a little on what you're having a hard time with for more suggestions.

  • sistif

    I have been out 27 years and still have very bad feelings about my husband. Just this year his told me he didn't trust me as his advocate and that he resented me because he was removed as a elder in 1984. I felt like a piece of crap, I have been with this mad 45 years. How could a man who has the true religion live a lie all of these years? I have moved out of the bedroom and sleep in the basement. I told him he should file for divorce. If there is no trust, there is no marriage. This has gone on for the last three years, and the elders in the hall know what is going on. They have done nothing and even let him special pioneer in April.

    I did have a chance to let some of my steam off last Saturday. I was approached by a lady in the parking lot of a drug store. She had her bible with her and a magazine. This is what she said. Hello, I want to share some good news with you. My response, please don't waste your time on me. I live with a JW and he doesn't trust me and resents me. He treats me like a piece of shit. Yes I said shit to her face. She then asked me his name. I told her and she said she knew him. Then I said, You let the brothers know that I am not finished with this matter yet. She had a sad look onher face and when walking away she said, "I'm sorry this has happened to you." So slowly but surely someone is going to hear from her. The best part of this whole conversation is that she knew my husband had the co visit this week, and she will have him next week. Wait until he asks all of the pioneers for their experiences in service. Once I heard a brother give a talk and he said there are three modes of communication telegraph, telephone and tell a sister. Yeah and he's a pig too.

  • N.drew

    sistif A warm welcome to the forum! Please do not sleep in the basement if there is dampness. You do not need the burden of getting physically sick with what you have to bear right now. Go for a walk, if you can, each day, it is a good way to clear your thought to good thoughts. Jesus loves you like crazy! Peace and love.

    i_drank_the_wine, me too, I too drank the wine. God has blessed me with hang-overs so I don't often abuse the privilege of having a couple of drinks now and again. Take each day as it comes. Take care of the essentials, enough sleep, plenty of water, and some excersize each day. Look at the stars, where I live, away from the city, I can see all the stars, like a milky way. I am 55 and I don't ever remember seeing so many stars. Stand in the wind! Avoid TV unless you are pleased with what is on. Do not let it become a habit. (my habit is Law and Order). Make it to the end of bad, you will be happy you did. Do not go back to bad. Peace! Justice will prevail, be sure to be there!

  • mummatron

    Yeah, it's all in my first ever post. Am slowly getting my life to how I'd like it, one step at a time.

  • talesin

    @ sistif,,, re this: telegraph, telephone and tell a sister. Yah, I remember that old saw ... I've been 'out' for longer than you, and men gossip more than women, in my experience. It's just another example of mysoginy in the WT.

    and welcome to the forum!!


    It has been rough for me, too. I married a guy shortly after being DF'd, after begging my parents to let me come home, as I was ill and couldn't 'make it on my own'. Seven years later got divorced. Of course, the only friends I had were his circle... so I lost everyone again.

    Four years later, I got really sick, and had to stop working full time. As a result, most of the friends I had made kinda drifted away (not many people want to socialize with someone who is both disabled and poor).

    It's been a rough go, but, I have NO REGRETS.

    After losing your wife and children,,, wow, no wonder you've had a hard time 'getting it together'. (((IDTW))) My best suggestions would be:

    1. Look around for a volunteer opportunity, a food bank, the local hospital, environmental NGO, or something that you enjoy. It's a great way to make friends, and the joy of giving, of making a contribution to society, will help you in your healing.

    2. Think about education. No high school? Get your high school equivalent (in Canada, it's called the GED). Take one course in continuing education at a local university.

    3. Do you have any passions? Art? Fishing? Reading? explore them. Even if you are poor, the Public Library is always there.

    4. You could start a blog... who cares if anyone reads it... it's a good way to let off steam.

    If you're struggling with depression,,, seek professional help, and get out for a walk every day, do something nice for yourself once a week.

    Get a pet. I don't care if it's a goldfish,,, isolation from every living thing is not good for you.

    Most of all, remember,,, you made the right choice, things will get better, it takes time ....and this,

    =====> you are not alone


  • blondie

    It depends on how much baggage you bring with you when you leave. As some have said, dealing with an alcohol or drug problem, takes first place before other issues can be dealt with.

    I had an alcoholic family member, grew up with a pedophile father. Dealing with those pre-leaving actually helped me see the religious abuse I was dealing with more clearly. I left and "df'd" my jw contact, verbal, written, computer, snail mail, nada. I filtered out their calls, did not answer the door, and shredded any mail, snail or electronic without reading. No funerals, no weddings, no memorials, no meetings, no conventions.

    I have a pretty stable marriage and my jw husband left a few months after me. Spouses (or ex-spouses) and children do complicate things jw or not. I have a pretty stable job for now. It has been 10 years and we have learned to find our way in the non-jw world. While I was born in, through my non-jw father I had healthy contacts with non-jws. We have a few good friends but have no need for an illusion of "many" friends that hardly know you as the WTS advertises.

    I have used my freedom to try new hobbies and interests, go to school again, travel, learn about myself. A good therapist can help. I have one that comes from another abusive religious group (non-jw, yes there are others).

    So don't go it alone. Find some you can trust, perhaps from this DB that live near you, ex-jw meetup groups. I go to a group from my severe chronic illness....they listen, I found out there as well that religious abuse abounds.


  • Greybeard

    @ transhuman68

    AA has helped me too. I have 1.5 years sobriety now. JW's didn't help a lick... I love the people at AA big time. I haven't been to the Kingdom Hall in 1.5 years too so I am sure that has much to do with my sobriety. I was always depressed at the Hall... Never felt worthy...

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    There are lots of support/recovery groups online/Facebook, etc.

    Also, if you can get professional therapy, do it. It isn't just for serious mental issues. It is for anyone and everyone who has been through a cult experience.

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