From my experience....they WILL ENCOURAGE her to lie to you and go behind your back when it comes to study...meetings...anything WTS wants...because THEY (Jehovah) come first in THEIR eyes.
"THEY" are here right now. I don't want them to come around again, ever!!
by trailerfitter 33 Replies latest jw experiences
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shepherd
I don't know what country you are in, but in most countries your child is already totally safe. If a transfusion is refused by the mother, you can sign instead and that's all there is to it. If your wife refused and you were not around, a court would over ride the mother. When it comes to small children your wife has no power to stop a transfusion.
As for your wife, she has the right to make her own decisions. She is not undermining your authority - you do not have any authority over another adult's body. Your wife is not your property.
You can demand that they no longer call at your house but that accomplishes nothing. They will tell your wife it is persecution because Satan does not want her to know the truth. She may meet them at their house instead. Don't blame your wife for this, the brainwashing has already begun.
If you love your wife, consider this to be like a mental problem. Your son is not endangered by it at the moment, so no need to talk about separation and custody battles as long as you love her and want to stay married. Rather, use kindness as if you were a doctor or nurse with a patient.
Learn about JWs - learn how to challenge and destroy their doctrines with sound reasoning and drop 'seeds' whenever you can that may get her thinking. It's normally a slow process to destroy the mind control, but it can be done.
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trailerfitter
Shepard, I know my wife is an adult, capable of making her own decisions. This makes it all the more important for her to consider her family and not sign up to any legal document that allows a non family member to decide if my wife should live or die if it came to it. This is the whole issue. Why would anyone willing want to put their family through pain like unnesseccary loss???? There is more to this that just a possessive motive.
I know she so desperately wants a place in paradise and giving the JWs the power of attorney on issues like this she thinks is going to secure this place regardless of the rest of her familiy. I have not spoken to her since we argued last week about this,... She has become even more withdrawn reading only WT material and clinging on to her bible desperately, reading out aloud as if she was trying to exorcise demons in the room.
I know she is hurting inside too but is running away from it like an adolesant teenager who will not consider a change back in mind. I am in very sincere doubt about spending the rest of my life with her now, even if an effort is made to make her see the truth it will be so time consuming I would rather spend it on out boy to make sure he is developing properly.
The most important issue is that about mind control....yes,... I have some books and PDFs on the subject now but on reading one certain publication I realised how much we'd already covered in previous "discussions" . I realise that the WT or / and her blble teacher ( by her responses) have already covered almost everything ..She has painted herself into a tidy little corner and no one is coming out. The WT have ensured she is going to stay in that position. I am sure the WatchTower have read the books and adjusted some of their publications to combat any interferrance. Like the Borg, they are so adaptive I think the older publications are of less use than they used to be. We will see in the next few days what will happen with our relationship and I have heeded your words on this . the last thing I want to do is see both me and my son out in the street.
She goes off to church and says nothing, like today. All dressed up nice. A man picked her up from outside the front of the house in his car and drove off. I do not know who this man is. What else could I think is possibly happening. Just really fed up with it. The whole image of the church is appealing with the contacts, activities and friendship of people who speak her own native tongue I know that even the work she'll have to do will be easy, as she had a hard time in her own home country.
I think personally, she would dump the boy on me and getting back to what I said earlier in this post about the situation, perhaps this is just her real personality exposed. She is not mentally ill. If I add that we were married 10 years ago in the Ukraine, she was after a better life then so we eventually moved to Great Britian where she found the place not as she expected. I think this is very much behind the motivation for her willingness...She wants this paradise so much it is, from a failing hubands stance, painful to watch?? Yes it is.
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erbie
This is a difficult one which I have read with great interest.
If I may, I would like to offer some suggestions.
If you have decided that the relationship has run its course then there is not much we can do. If, however, you would like to win your partner back from the Watchtower then you will have to be clever. Because they are. Make no mistake about that. I do not say that they are wise but clever in a deceitful way. You will need to play them at their own game by showing your partner (and them) that you are a reasonable honest person who wants the very best for your family. That is your priority! It is your family, not theirs. If you get angry or unreasonable then you will prove them right in your wifes eyes and reinforce her faith in them and what they say.
They are very slippery people to deal with and it is never easy or straight forward but they can be outwitted I assure you.
May I offer you some hope. My wife was raised as a Witness, became a regular pioneer (full time minister) for some years while I was serving as a ministerial servant for a number of years. I decided to leave as the double standards became more apparent. Over the course of about five years (yes five) my wife decided for herself that she did not want the truth (lies) any more. Now she hates the Watchtower more than I ever could because she feels so deceived.
The point is that you have to be patient and learn to play the game. Never argue with them. Because once you engage them in an argument you are unwittingly giving acknowledgement of their lies. Dismiss what they say with silence. Treat what they say as ignorant, uneducated nonsense which is all it is.
Others may have won victory in other ways and I would never say that mine is the only way but it worked for me. I wish you the very best.
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Pams girl
Ask her how she would feel if she saw you getting into the car with a strange woman?? Take the JWs out of the picture a minute.....holy crap! YOU dont KNOW who he is??!
I really hope things work for you. You sound like a nice guy. Can you really wait another 2/3/4/5 years hanging on in the vain hope she MAY change her mind? Or will you start proceedings now regarding your son?
I think shes in a dark place mentally right now, sitting alone for hours with the WT and her bible.......she sounds like shes living in her head. So much for the joy of the JWs eh.......I wish I could help you. I dont know what to say. Im sorry. I hope you get away with your boy x
Paula
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trailerfitter
Paula,.... yes anyone can be nice at times. It could all turn around the other way and I could end up getting in a car with a woman that she doesn't know...
We stopped the silence and I expressed my concerns about the blood issue in a sensible discussion which led to me spending 2 and 1/2 hours trying to talk about us instead of Jesus and the f@@@ing bible................... really don't know how many time the word bible was said in that time...bible bilbe bible bibbel dribble.... We talked about our boy and how he should be brought up and offered me a recent watch tower publication to read about how the WT think they shoould be... No WT publication will lead me into thinking they know what is best for our son. I will be filling our bookshelf up with secular material however.
Over the blood issue which rears it's ugly head from time to time.
She did assured me everything would be all right........................Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaally? (that is said like Jim Carey) That's a bit like me getting a second mortage and blowing all the money on lottery tickets in the hope it will provide. Ironically this is all working in steps and stages and I can see her excitement.. If I didn't fight it wouldn't matter but that is not reality and her brainwashed friends are nice to me...( perhaps a little too cheezy nice).
a).She went out on ministry this morning,
b).had bible study in the afternoon at our house even after I asked them not to come back to the house to do that,
c).and then she went off to church this evening..............then on to night shift tonight. ( and yes she is doing night shifts). We are being nice to each other only because that SHE is getting her own way.... I can't wait for christmas...( groan).
I talked a little about the bible and brought up the story about the prophet with the bald head who asked god to kill 42 children with 2 she bears in 2nd KINGS. She didn't know about the story and tried to be 'apologetic' about the story. Perhaps it wasn't little children who the bears mauled??... I take any writings literally and really felt a facepalm coming on so just left it at her to look it up later. I saw a WT publication on the table earlier with the title " 5 lies about god". Wonder if it talked about that particular story??
2 things in our discussion really stood out however which is vital to me realsing how strong the WT grip is.
1. I was accused of being controled by Satan. ( no, I am capable of having my own thoughts and emotions thank you).
2. Which touches on what erbie is saying about being decietful..... Satan trys to stop everyone joiniing the JWs and uses apostates to try to steal good christians away from their true path.. I actually found myself laughing at this in private and the though. It is so rediculous. She was told at the start that the word apostate would appear in her vocabulary. If she really is going to believe this sort of clap trap then she is welcome to get on with it. I am putting a freeze on our monies so they don't go to the WT war coffers.. Time to live and not hang onto just a hope.. I already do this every week buying into a hope for a gift of £60 million....
In summary I am not going to wait until she may change her mind, I don't think she will so slowly and surely I will protect the important things from the WT grips. Thanks to you wonderful APOSTATES who are to be avoided at all costs apparently,.. ( small laughter needed) .....you have helped me realize what to do..
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OUTLAW
a).She went out on ministry this morning,
b).had bible study in the afternoon at our house even after I asked them not to come back to the house to do that,
c).and then she went off to church this evening..............then on to night shift tonight. ( and yes she is doing night shifts).
We are being nice to each other only because that SHE is getting her own way.... I can't wait for christmas...( groan).
1. I was accused of being controled by Satan.
2. Satan trys to stop everyone joiniing the JWs and uses apostates to try to steal good christians away from their true path..
Thats just the Tip of the Iceberg for things to come.
The WBT$ never Plays Fair..
.......................;-)...OUTLAW
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Bella15
A couple of female pioneers in my country even helped my mother packed the house and 6 kids and moved to another town in the middle of the night while my dad was away at work. They deemed it necessary for my mother to move away from all the non-JW family to safeguard her spiritual life. They can be very relentless if they want to. They don't care about splitting families. Both sides of extended families, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends were taken away in a night. They put us in the garage of the kingdom hall of the city my mom moved us to ... horrible conditions, it was like living in the open. My life was never the same. At moments like this when I remember painful experinces growing up JW --- I really hate them.
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trailerfitter
OUTLAW.... ha ha,.............. point taken. I say to her that she is with 'devil worshippers' and the WT is controlled by Satan.. I honestly think they are very insecure and act like the wizard of Oz. ( big front but small behind the scenes..
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nugget
Remember in all this your wife is controlled by the group and group think. When people identify with these groups they will behave in more extreme ways to reinforce the status of the group since their self esteem is closely linked to it.
Keeping calm under pressure is good advice, the more you resist and rail against them the closer she will cling to it. Also she is receiving plenty of positive reinforcement from the group as she is being painted as a victim standing firm against the devil. They are all so proud of the stand she is making.
What I would say to her is that she is a grown up and can make her own choices but as regards your son she is not permitted to indoctrinate him. This means no literature, no study, no meetings and no field service. If she wants to teach him anything it should be based on the strength of her example alone. This is a religion for grown ups since there is no provision for children and the topics discussed are inappropriate for them. Your son is off limits. When he is older he can make his own choices in life.
Make sure that on meeting nights you have planned activities for your son, cubs, scouts, clubs and days out. Make sure you are having fun. After a while what you are doing will seem a lot more appealing than sitting in a hall being told the end is close but you need to do more to survive.
