Did YOU Feel Abused By The Elders?

by minimus 49 Replies latest jw friends

  • hoser

    I know some here have said they pretty much hated the elders. Did you personally feel the elders were abusive men?

    the good elders were themselves victims of the bullies


  • likeabird

    Abused? Hmmm - strong word

    Hounded? - yes

    Tricked? - yes

    Pushed around? - yes

    Harassed? - yes

    Manipulated? - yes

    And the list goes on...

    My last months at meetings consisted of counting the minutes until they ended, being packed up and ready to go the minute they said Amen, then finding someone to small talk with while watching the exit until the hounders vacated that coveted spot whereupon I would excuse myself, make a bee-line for that door and get out safe. Else you could guarantee I would get descended upon and interrogated by those hounders every time. It was a real cat and mouse game.

  • Darth Rutherford
    Darth Rutherford

    In many ways it mimics the cycle of abuse. Someone who is abused may easily be abusive to others later on. There are abusive people whether they are elders or not. Remember, elders don't receive in special training. They simply mimic what their experiences have been in the organization. Publishers who were abused by elders tend to become abusive elders -repeating the cycle. Publishers who had good experiences with the elders tend to become more involved and caring with the congregation. The fact that loving, caring elders are rare speaks volumes.

    We all probably have met abusive elders. I did... even when I was an elder. However, as an elder, I also dealt with abusive publishers who made my life harder than it needed to be.

    In general, Jehovah's Witnesses are abused by the mother-organization who controls every aspect of their life. I blame the organization and the whole WT system that traps individuals into remaining in this abusive relationship. If Witnesses didn't feel so trapped, more would leave willingly. However, between the constant fear of displeasing God and dying at Armageddon and the fear of being shunned by the only social structure they have, these poor souls feel trapped.

    That, in my opinion, is the epitome of abuse.

  • designs

    As a former Elder the bottom line is Mother watches all and will turn any fellow Elder against you in a heart-beat. I had 3 BOEs after me during my exit, one group led by my brother.

  • Darth Rutherford
    Darth Rutherford

    You're absolutely right, Designs... when under Duress, they all will turn. I was speaking in general terms; however, when they "have to" make mother happy, they'll eat their own.

  • gma-tired2

    I had never put myself under a elders power but in 1988, my son married into a unbelivably sick family who thoughtx they ruled . I was shocked to see the elders in action, they actually set out to prove this family right and our family wrong. They did not want true facts they had their mind made up, because this other familys head had been an elder at one time but notnat the moment. To the Elders shock this mild quiet family, Mine, turned out to come out fighting for justice. Sadly I learned there is no Justice within JWs. I had the PO and the Co lie directly to me and iwill never let anyone get away with this again. Their lying was the last straw for my hubby and I because we realized at that moment they are just men and. some very mentally sick men. One Elder even told my son ho could not drive the 100 miles to try to work out things with his wife. VERY SICK MEN AND A VERY SICK RELIGION!!!!!!!!

    And people wonder why I have so much anger toward the org. The same reason it is time to let a certain SIL what responsibilty she holds in destroying her brothers family spiritual life. Second thought Maybe I should thank her.

  • dreamgolfer

    NOPE - they are mere mortal men, even wilst "in" I did not let them control me in any manner

    WTBTS - that's a different story

  • Mum

    Did you feel abused by the elders?

    Only the one I was married to. He was (and probably still is) an ISTJ. They are drill sergeants at heart. I was a doormat.

    When I was getting close to 30 years old, I started to realize I was old enough to make my own decisions about what to watch on TV, what kind of food I wanted, and all other everyday things that didn't require supervision. That's when the sh*t hit the fan. To some degree, I am guilty of creating the monster he became because I was always scraping and bowing and expressing gratitude for every little thing to the point that he began to believe he actually was the little god I made him into.

  • Newly Enlightened
    Newly Enlightened

    Oh HELL yeah!

    Here's an earlier post that my family & I experienced and this only 1 of many:


  • MrFreeze

    The elders have a hand in mentally abusing members of the congregation. Everyone who listens to an elders talks or counsel is being abused.

    Personally, when I tried to make the decision to step down from pioneering, they abused me by not respecting my wishes. They refused to let me stop pioneering even though there was no way I could get the hours.

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