by C.O.B.E.Beef 50 Replies latest jw friends

  • nugget

    These are early days and nothing for now is certain. It is possible to leave with some family intact but not an easy thing to accomplish. I was in the position of your wife with a doubting husband and children to consider. I had concerns about the way JW teachings were causing them harm and making them socially isolated and that the meetings were often inappropriate and were very disruptive to them making it hard to establish bedtime routines.

    My advice is approach your doubts gently and don't try and tell her all you have discovered in one go. Ask her how she feels about the way children taught and the implications of the decisions we make for them. As a mother she will be aware of how poorly children are catered for at meetings and how children are isolated from their peer group. Every mother wants their children to be happy and the society does not make happy children. Isn't it odd how many parents take their children to the hall to shout at them. There are also many couples who gave up having children wanting to wait until the new order, these people are now dying so have no hope of future families.

    Using expressions like you are concerned the society may have lost it's way is a gentler way of saying the GB are a bunch of lying hypocrites and less threatening.

    I wish you well for your future it will resolve itself. Exiting as a family is a blessing and will enhance your lives.

  • Dold Agenda
    Dold Agenda

    In "cantleaves" thread black sheep said this two years ago.

    Welcome to the forum.

    You are not a hypocryte at all.

    You are in a very difficult situation, not of your own making.

    Don't rush anything.

    The worst thing you can do is let your doubts explode in front of your family and friends.

    Stick around. Read. Learn. Make a plan.

    Don't do anything different until you are happy with that plan.



    This is still a valid tip.

    I managed to get my family out fading. But it took more than 2 years..

    Keep it slow is my tip.

  • sd-7
    I now understand that my brain was many steps ahead of my thoughts.

    You don't happen to know anyone named Daniel Faraday, do you? Sorry. Couldn't resist a 'Lost' reference...


  • Juan Viejo2
    Juan Viejo2

    COBE - excellent moniker...

    What everyone else has said - and especially punkofnice. Do your best to keep your family together to try to reduce the trauma to your wife and kids. You might have to take it in steps, especially if you are, in fact, a COBE. That puts you at the top of the local KH food chain, so unless you find a way to step down gently, the CO and DO will make sure your exit is a painful one.

    I am in contact with two other elders who are going through much of the same thing. Both have told me that they are using the Family Study Night to sneak in little hints, and to ask the wives and children to try to explain certain "unexplainable" beliefs. One used the chapters in Revelation describing the 144,000 as Jews, virgins, etc. Also the first two chapters of Genesis - that don't exactly agree.

    Also read Bart Ehrman's book, "Jesus Interrupted." Use his technique of horizontal reading of the four gospels and let your wife and kids find the contradictions in those chapters - and then try to look up the Watchtower's explanations for those discrepancies.

    Like I said, you are not alone. These articles have been pointed to before, but they are well worth the time to read. They're by another elder (not sure if he is a COBE) in the New York area.

    http://ex-jw.com/elder-shares-honest-opinions and http://ex-jw.com/elder-reveals-his-secret . Both have been discussed at some length on this site.

    One more thing: There are some forum members who will find reason to challenge you. Do not become disheartened by this fact of life. There are far more of us (those who will support and encourage you) than them (the doubters, the challengers, JWs who want to accuse you of gross crimes and misdemeanors "against Jehovah").

    Good luck to you and please keep us informed of your progress.


  • aligot ripounsous
    aligot ripounsous

    Welcome, COBE, I went along a comparable path with my chidren. Every time we would do the Bible study together, as they were still chidren, I tried not to be dogmatic and tell them when some teachings had to be taken cautiously. That came to the point where an accompanying elder told me once at the end of one of these studies that if I didn't want to play with the team, I would do better play another game... A bit later on, I decided, as they were reaching their pre-teen years, that if I had freely chosen that religion (I was baptised aged 31), I didn't feel a right to impose it to my born in children. they actually decided not to attend meetings anymore and I told questioning elders that if they were of age to be baptised, they must also have been of age to decide not to. As for me I successfully faded almost 3 years ago and my non dogmatic best half still attends occasionally when she feels for it. Needless to say, we are viewed as a lost family.

  • palmtree67

    Very nice to "meet" you!

    Excellent advice from everyone here.

  • Black Sheep
  • PaintedToeNail

    Hi & welcome. I wish you the very best and have the deepest empathy for you and your family's situation.

  • Bella15

    Hi COBE. Welcome. I wish you the very best in your present circumstances. Just remember that there is a season for everything under the sun.

    I have never found the words to put how I felt about my children, but you nailed it. That's exactly how I felt. They were like 2 & 3 the last time they attended a meeeting the KH (mostly to keep grandma happy).

    Keep on reading and searching the Watchtower CORPORATION from its very beginnings and its founders, there is a vast of original publications in the net that you can access - their own very publications. Don't put God and Jesus to the test ... put the Watchtower CORPORATION to the test. Keep praying to the Heavenly Father, ask Jesus to show you the way. Perhaps one way to engage your wife is to come up with a "goal" to read old WT publications since Russells' time (late 1800) - but do not suggest anything contrary to the Watchtower CORPORATION teachings, let her own mind make the conclusions.

  • Bangalore

    Welcome to the forum.


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