How did you tell your mate that .....

by stuckinamovement 41 Replies latest jw friends

  • outsmartthesystem

    "This switching of Peters words from the person of Jesus Christ to the organization of the Watchtower Society without anyone noticing the switch, testifies to how deeply captive everyone is locked into the concept holding them captive"

    And therein lies the problem. Witnesses are SO captive that they reason "you can only come to Christ THROUGH the organization....therefore it makes perfect sense!"

  • no more kool aid
    no more kool aid

    I had thought about getting out for a while. My husband and I had endless conversations about injustices with the organization and the sexual abuse cases really bothered both of us. Even though we had Internet neither one of use ever looked up doctrinal issues that didn't make sense (so I was not influenced by that). I started to notice that our whole family was unhappy after meetings or service and exhausted, we all slept Sunday afternoons away. I just blurted it out one day, May 2008, on the way home from a meeting that I would not be going anymore! My husband, to my surprise, said he was going to back out slower, but only went 3 or 4 more times. It was only at that point that we researched, read CoC and Steve Hasaan books that we learned the truth about the "truth". My husband admits to being very unhappy in the organization and that it didn't add up but it never occurred to him to stop doing it. We have lost family and friends, but really how fake our relationships that are predicated on a fantasy anyway?? NMKA

  • out4good3

    I have not been to meetings for some time now..about 18 years, but, I guess my wife had been holding out hope that I'd "come to my senses" all this time.

    About a year ago, I could tell that something was bothering her and had been for about a week. she was being very dry with me and giving me short one word answers to questions whenever I tried to engage her in conversation.

    One night while sitting in bed, she blurted out a question to the effect of what my spiritual plans were as a baptised witness and would I be returning to going to meetings.....bottom line. And, in just a bottom line matter of fact way, I told her point blank that I didn't believe any of it anymore and that I'd never go back to meetings. Ripped off that band-aid and took a little scap and skin with it. This didn't sit well with her at all as she started crying and left the room. I let her get all her crying out before approaching her about the issue further.

    Later, the next day, I apologized that I had answered the question as brusquely as I did, apologizing for the way I answered the question and not the content of the answer, then I went on to demonstrate and remind her of how angry and defensive she acts when anyone says anything negative about the witnesses or the WT organization. I reminded her how much I loved her and asked her did she really expect me to live as a hypocrit pretending to be all spiritual and going to meetings while deep down hating every minute of it. I asked her did she really want me to constantly rip her and her faith to shreds every time she brought it up or did she want me to listen and act respectfully as I'd been doing. Did she really want me to "go there" pointing out all the inconsistencies she actively chooses to ignore?

    We've gone back to our confortable "truce" where she goes about her "witness" business without the expectation that I'll participate.

  • stuckinamovement

    Thank you for your helpful comments. In response to Smiddy, I have read Don Camerons Book and it is phenomenal. However my wife is not yet at the point of reading anything "apostate" I have had to relay things to her, which actually has seemed to work well since she has trust and respect for me.

    We are close to jumping. I think it will only take one more changed teaching or scandal to give her the confidence that leaving is the best decision. Over the past two years I have expressed doubts and concerns about the organization. It has been a progression I guess. This has been the progression of events.

    As an elder dealt with a molestation case and spoke with Brooklyn legal- realized they were out to protect the corporation.

    Saw a history program on the Kings of Babylon realized that 607 was bunk

    Read Finished mystery realized Russel was nuts

    told my wife my concerns and doubts- She was shaken but kept my doubts between us

    Recieved my new flock book realized it is just a management manual- shared it with my wife, she saw the same.

    went to KM school -decided that I couldn't support a hypocritical organization

    Discussed internal turmoil with my Wife and stepped down as an Elder under pretense with her support

    Began to fade, Stopped service

    Harold Campings fiasco was a striking parrallel to the Witnesses predictions. We both saw the similarities

    Looked at the fact that the GB was demanding worship

    Began to discuss what we would do if DFed

    Started to miss meetings together


    We are on the way out together. It is funny because in a mathematical way I have added all of the false teachings and corrupt policies up and come to the realization that it is all a lie. She has taken a more emotional, feelings oriented approach and knows it is wrong but is waiting for some sign or feeling that tells her to jump ship.

    Thanks again for your thoughts.


  • i_drank_the_wine

    I finally broke down and flatly stated the things that I had been hinting at over the preceding year, as I missed more and more meetings (trying to fade, unknown to her). It was too stressful to deal with the tension of the situation and us constantly fighting about me not wanting to go to meetings, so I laid it out.

    The conversation basically went "yeah, honey, I don't believe in the Jehovah's Witness religion at all anymore" followed by my wife saying that she wanted a divorce, which she got.

  • Nice_Dream

    SIAM - looks like you guys are on the right track on the way out together.

    My service had been dwindling for years. After the "generation" change, I asked my husband to help me see how that was Biblical and he couldn't. I also asked him to help me understand how 607 was true and he couldn't come up with that date. I then told him I couldn't go on service anymore because I wasn't 100% convinced of my beliefs and didn't want to teach others something I wasn't 100% sure about.

    We would have very heated discussions about the faith and doctrinal issues, but it didn't get us anywhere. So I just ignored things, and a year later he told me he didn't believe the truth anymore. We both stopped going to meetings shortly after I told him I wasn't 100% sure about the religion. I just said I wasn't going, and thankfully he didn't put up a fight about it.

  • leavingwt

    You must immediately begin working to help her overcome Fears & Phobias, using Steve Hassan's SIA (Strategic Interaction Approach). Refer to Hassan's second book for tips. Remember: It's not about facts/doctrines. It's really not.

    If she cannot overcome her fear of 'apostate' material, she will find it difficult to do the research necessary to PROVE to herself that WT is not God's Organization.

    The research I'm speaking of does not necessarily involve reading books. It can be Internet research: reading forums, reading blogs,, etc.

    Further, if she still has fears, she is probably practicing the Thought Stopping techniques resulting from the WT indoctrination. So, while she may appear to be listening to you, she may be instantly puttin the information out of her mind and not reflecting on it.

  • Ding

    Will your wife read old WT literature, such as The Finished Mystery and most of the writings of Rutherford?

    That alone should convince her the WT doesn't speak for God and never did.

    That way, you're not the messenger telling her it's not the truth.

    All you're doing is showing her what they've said until she draws her own conclusions.

    If she won't read old WT literature, that should tell her a lot right there.

    If it's the truth, they should proudly stand behind everything they've written.

  • leavingwt

    One more very important thing.

    Your wife needs to meet and make friends with people who are not JWs. This can be neighbors, coworkers, extended family, etc.

    This will help her overcome her fear of worldly people/fear of the outside world. This is huge. She will begin to see that 'worldly' people are just like her. This will help break down the myth that only JWs are happy, etc.

  • out4good3
    The conversation basically went "yeah, honey, I don't believe in the Jehovah's Witness religion at all anymore" followed by my wife saying that she wanted a divorce, which she got.

    I really thought my wife would "go there" with me also as she is a died in the wool JW and almost everyone in her immediate family is a believer in it. Whenever anyone in her family expresses anything questionable about the organization, it is like a relay is engaged and out comes the thought stopping defense of WT orgranization verbal mechanisms and irrational justifications.

    I guess fortunately, we have too much history together for her to let that happen. I was not and had no interest in being a JW when we got married and although, in a moment of what I can only describe as mental insanity I studied and was baptised, I've let her know in no uncertain terms that not being counted as a JW was something I was and will not be afraid of. I'd already been down that road with others in religious and military authority attempting to control me that way through fear.

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