How did you tell your mate that .....

by stuckinamovement 41 Replies latest jw friends

  • Magwitch

    I knew my ex would never, ever leave WT land. After 20 years of marriage I said " I am through with the marriage, the religion and by the way I am taking full custody of the girls so that they are not raised another minute in this cult"

    He now has a super dub for a wife - so he is happy. The girls and I have a very nice life - so we are happy. NO REGRETS!

  • Crisis of Conscience
    Crisis of Conscience

    In answer to your question SIAM, it wasn't easy. While my wife is a laid back witness that doesn't agree completely with all the JW things, she still believes they are being directed by God.

    I first revealed how I felt while driving for a weekend getaway. I had asked my wife if she ever felt that something just wasn't right in the org. She responded by saying that there was nothing she had really thought about or seen. So I told her that I had this feeling that something just wasn't right for a little while now. (Part of my issue was also that I had burned myself out with "spiritual activity".) And because of that, I had begun to do "research". (I had already started to lurk here on this site because of my overwhelming thoughts and doubts.)

    I let her know some of the things that were bothering me and just no longer made sense. (At this time I was still a MS. So I was able to express some of the things I came across in that position.) She seemed to understand where I was coming from, but was worried and warned me to be careful about apostates online. This was the start of it.

    As time progressed, I began to feel it was necessary to say more rather than to give her false hope that this was just "a passing thing". So on the way home from dinner, perhaps a year later from my first conversation, I revealed that I no longer believed this was the truth.

    It just came out! What a relief it was to me, but a bombshell to my wife! That really threw her for a loop and she remained stressed out for a little while about it. There wasn't much I could say to comfort her during any conversation we had after that. Things reached the point to where she was just shy of outrightly calling me apostate. Our conversations would become rather heated, despite us both struggling not to let it reach that point.

    I would let time pass before I tried to reveal anything else. Then came the night I took her to a see a play. (I don't know why, but I seem to choose enjoyable events to say how I feel and at times end up ruining the night.) I told her I no longer wanted or had the desire to go out in the ministry. I could not see myself promoting something that I no longer believed fully and inviting others to join me knowing inside I was contemplating a way out. Needless to say, that was another bombshell to my wife. She said that now she feared that the only thing left would be for me to say I no longer wanted to attend meetings. I expressed that I could see that being a future possibility.

    For a few weeks after that, she would try to invite me out in service. She would get ready to leave in the morning and give me the disappointed look that I wasn't going. I gave in about 2-3 times and finally expressed to her how difficult it is to just act like I was enjoying it in front of other people. I would be a hypocrite according to JW's if either I went out in service but didn't feel it in my heart or just stayed home and became bloodguilty. (I found the bloodguilty route to be easier , for me at least. LOL)

    There are probably a lot more details, but this is the gist of it. Her demeanor has changed, I must admit though. She actually seems a lot more comfortable with my decisions now. One of the things I strove to share with her was the effect of fear. Anything I said that was contrary to our JW life scared her.

    My way to try to help her deal with this was sharing a line from the movie Batman Begins. LOL One of the villians in that said that "you always fear what you don't understand." I told her she was scared because she could not relate to or understand how I felt. And I asked how she thought I felt, suddenly facing a change in what I believed all my life. As she began to try to relate to some of my feelings, it seemed to cause a calming over her sentiments.

    While that didn't automatically change things, it did help her to start to loosen up a little. And I often asked her, as has been suggested on this site, whether I treated her differently as a husband. She admitted that no, I didn't change. She actually felt it brought us closer, with all the talking we were doing.

    Currently, I can't complain too much with the way things are. For example, many times, if she's tired and doesn't feel like going to the meeting, like this past weekend, (she knows I won't go without her) she remains just as happy for me to stay home with her or enjoy myself doing something else.

    I don't know what the future holds, but so far I'm not feeling stressed out because of it.


  • PaintedToeNail

    When I told my hubby, he was quite devastated. He cried, told me he loved me so much and couldn't stand the thought of living forever without me. I, on the other hand have never, ever thought I would live forever, never felt worthy, nor measure up to the standards imposed. He now checks up on me regularly when he works out of town, to see if I went to the meeting. I try to regularly miss at least one meeting a week. Haven't been able to figure out how to miss more and not cause waves in my entire family on both sides. Rats!

  • PaintedToeNail

    By the way-to answer you question, I just came out and told him. He knows I've always hated going in service-no joy there except when we stopped for coffee. I have gone in service in months and before that only ever got 2-4 hrs.

    Nice_Dream-I too am a stay at home mom with no friends to speak of. I live in the middle of nowhere, just my immediate family and a huge variety of wildlife. The loneliness can really get to you.

  • dm6

    it used to make me cringe when i heard people talking about looking forward to having a pet lion and pet cheetah etc. I was screaming in my mind WHY ON EARTH AM I STILL HERE???????????

  • Perry
    She's thrown down a challenge that I basically either need to show her what proof I have that the society is not God's organization or I need to shut up.

    Then arm yourself with the weapons provided for you in the NT, especially the WORD and give her what she is asking for. Tell her that you are very concerned about the fact that your sins are not forgiven and that Jesus is not your mediator. (And, you should be) Keep repeating it and citing scriptures. Here's an excerpt from a tract I am preparing for my church:

    Yet amazingly, anonymous Watchtower writers have been saying for decades that since 1935, only the leaders of their church have their sins forgiven, or are justified. Most modern Jehovah’s Witnesses are unaware that they do not have their sins forgiven before God:

    The Jonadabs, or “other sheep”, are in a different condition. The Jonadabs have fled to the Lord and there found refuge. They are still human creatures, not even justified, w.1938 p.104,105 par.33 (bold & italics ours)

    However the bible says that being justified is needed to make peace with God: Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ - Romans 5:1

    Isn’t it strange that according to the Watchtower leadership, they are the only ones with their sins forgiven and everyone else must work for their justification? This is a core doctrine taught by the anonymous Watchtower writers as evidenced in a much later article that actually states that Jesus is not the Mediator between God and the majority of Watchtower congregants:

    11 Nevertheless, in a preliminary way, the great crowd have already “washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.” (Revelation 7:14) Christ does not act as Mediator of the new covenant toward them, – 2/15/1991 Wt. pgs. 15-20 par. 11 (bold & italics ours)

    If Jesus isn’t the Mediator for the great crowd, how do they make themselves righteous? What is this “preliminary way” in which the great crowd has washed their robes and made them white before God? The article doesn’t say. And we can find no scripture that supports forgiveness of sins outside of the new covenant. We’ll pay a $10,000 reward for anyone who can find that scripture.

    for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified - Galatians 2:16

    But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you,
    let him be accursed. Gal. 1: 8

    The NT good news preached by the apostles on how to get their sins forgiven cannot be changed in any way without incurring a curse. The WT teaches another way and is therefore cursed. The congregations are filled with sin as proof.

  • J. Hofer
    J. Hofer

    well, it was a long time coming, but one night i just told her. while she must have noticed that i'm no longer buying into the religion, she probably just hoped it wasn't so, and as she heard it from my mouth (telling her i no longer believe in god and that i am an atheist) she almost had a nervous breakdown. that were some tough hours to go through. but seing that our life only changed for the better (as i did feel better), within some time she accepted it. she still went to the meetings for a while, but a few months later she stopped attending. sometimes she'd still go to a meeting and she doesn't miss any assembly, but that's alright.

  • smiddy

    You mentioned your wife falls back on "Where else will we go " I quote if I may Don Camerons book" Captives of A Concept" on pge.135 he discusses the subtle deception the WT uses.John6:68 Jesus had just asked Peter if he wanted to follow someone else.Peter answered "..Lord whom shall we go away to? YOU have sayings of everlasting life"

    Peter was acknoweledging that their is nowwhere else to go to but to Christ. But note what the governing body does with Peters response.


    We will be impelled to serve (God) loyally WITH HIS ORGANIZATION if we remember that their is nowhere else to go for life eternal John 6:66-69

    This switching of Peters words from the person of Jesus Christ to the organization of the Watchtower Society without anyone noticing the switch, testifies to how deeply captive everyone is locked into the concept holding them captive

    I would highly recommend you read his book,it will set you free from Watchtower bondage forever


  • Dutch-scientist


    I am in the same situation soon where you are standing. I had an hard time to think about an way to show to my wife what is wrong with the WT organisation.

    My wife is a young believer in that way that she grew up with the WT stuff. Herr case is that her Mom was an JW and her brothers and sisters are also still JW.

    Her Mom died last year ( murderd by the organistaion teachings ) this is still fresh in our minds.

    Her dad is by the way all the time an non beliver however he joined sometimes an DC.

    Till now she dont know what i know. I started with slowly to show WT errors to her and her brothers and sisters.

    I am not baptised and I agreed on an study (daniel's book) with heer brother in law. This is mostly part of my plan to show during this study critical errors in the WT believe system.


  • Pams girl
    Pams girl

    Please let us know how you get on SIAM and how you decide to approach this. My wish for you and your wife is one day you will be free of the bondage of the cult, and all this will be over. Keep posting. Paula x

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