My Wife wants to allow a Sister from her congregation to provide before and after care for my oldest daughter...

by garyneal 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    Ask the wife if this sister is certified by the state to provide child care services

    Does she have a police clearance or similar?

    The Goverment does not discriminate...

    The fact that she insinuates you may be commiting an 'ilegal' act is enough to throw it right back... suggest: then we go the full legal, non discriminatory route... a licenced child care agency


  • Pams girl
    Pams girl

    I agree, does she hold a state recognised cert in child care?

    If your wife is feeling obligated and pressured into letting this woman look after your child, then something is wrong. Your childs welfare comes first. Use your Headship.

    Paula x

  • zoiks

    What Scully said. If this woman also cares for other, non-JW kids, it may be better. My wife ran a daycare out of our home for several years while we were JWs, and was very careful and up-front with the parents about there being no religious interaction, holidays, etc.

    She did this out of respect for the non-JW parents, and also to protect our own kids from the evil influence of birthdays, holidays, etc.

    However, if this woman is basically just a babysitter from the congregation, you'll want to be on the lookout for things like Bible Story books, the society's DVDs for kids, and things like that. She may not directly attempt to 'indoctrinate' your child, but those items might still be used for entertainment.

  • blondie

    Now I understand, garyneal, that your wife is a jw and is she instructing your child at home in her beliefs? If so, anything this babysitter would teach your child must not be much different from what your wife is doing.

    But I agree with all the good advice, jw caregiver or non-jw caregiver, do background checks, evaluate her abilities, get references outside the KH, etc. Doing business with a jw can be a rocky situation.

  • Chariklo
    She then insinuated that I was discriminating due to religion and performing an illegal act

    That's the bit that worries me.

    I agree with others that have advised going down the strictly neutral route. Ask what training she's had, what certificates she holds etc. Is she a licensed child minder?

    A child's mind is a blank canvas, and in the early years most of all. Your children are precious. I think the very fact that you felt uneasy enough to ask the question here in the first place gives you your own answer.

    Something feels wrong to you. Listen to your gut feeling.

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    Another thing that comes to mind...

    Is the sister doing this child care going to declare the income? If so, she needs to be legaly certified to operate surely.

    If not, then i would suggest that she is dodging her tax responsbilities and operating an illegal enterprise.

    It's a whole lot different to an occasional baby sitter getting a few bucks...


  • carla

    No, I would never allow a jw to babysit my children. jw's lie and WILL indoctrinate your child. I would use a student before that or I would change my hours or job before I would ever leave my child with a jw.

    Would your wife allow a Christian to babysit? no, do not let her pressure you about this your childs well being is at stake. Your child will have enough to deal with in life with having a jw mom.

  • Scully
    She then insinuated that I was discriminating due to religion and performing an illegal act

    This is bugging the crap out of me.

    Y'know, just to shut her up on that front, I'd get right up in her face and demand to see the woman's licences to run a home-based day care, provide a DOZEN real references (not phony JW references), and insist on written receipts, and a viewing of every tax return declaring income from a home-based day care, plus have her audited by the Health and Safety Authority. If she can't or won't provide those, then say you can report her to the authorities for running an illegal operation.

    Don't sow the wind unless you're prepared to reap the whirlwind. (Hosea 8:7)

    And after that, it shouldn't be a problem for you because your wife will be mortified, and the JW lady won't want your child in her house.

    Oh, and another comeback for this comment that you can give your wife is "You're a JW and I let you look after our daughter. If I didn't, that would be discrimination. I have the right to choose anyone, JW or otherwise to look after our daughter, and the decision will be based on what is in her best interests, not on whether the candidate has good Meeting Attendanceā„¢, or whether they light a menorah or go to mosque on Friday nights."

    I daresay that since your OP indicated that the woman was interested in earning some extra money by providing child care services, there's a very high probability that this is a casual child care arrangement, without any legal registrations/licences/education etc. that would be required by the state. It sounds to me more like she wants to make "easy money" than take care of children.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    You would have to hire a film crew to check every statement. Spiritual warfare-can't trust any promises. Witnesses do witness. If it were my child, I'd want my religion. Children need two parents to come into existence. You have rights even tho you are the husband. Maybe some sort of formal Mediation is possible. She has no right assumiing her choice wins.

    She never should have married you if she did not want to find herself in this situation. it takes two to tango.

  • Scully

    Just a question that came to mind...

    Would it be feasible for your wife to stay at home with the children and work part-time evenings and weekends or do a job-share/child-care share arrangement with someone she knows from her work in a similar situation? The money you'd save on child care might offset the reduction in her wages, and give her flexibility to attend school events and such.

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