Sister are not to talk to the brothers alone

by life is to short 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • mouthy

    LIT!!!! See I should have been there!!!I have a good fist!!!I would have BELTED him!!!
    That is the JW LOVE !!!I learned.Do unto others!!!as he had just done to you

    I too think it is good for you to talk about it on here,Newbies may have a molester
    in their congregation & can see how the cover up continues among MEN!!!!!!
    they say women must remain silent >>>>NO WE "AINT" LAMBS!!!!!

    ( Silence Of The LambS") isnt an option in MY book.
    Mouthy " or as the JW calls me" indeserved kindness"

  • life is to short
    life is to short

    Quandry our marriage is totally on the rocks. I just spent the night thiniking of leaving. I just cannot do this anymore. I truly hate this religion and he insists that he will never leave. He never truly stood up for me when all of this was happening just went along with the good old boys telling me that I really should have went through him. It felt to me was he wasblaming me for part of it after all you know women should know their place.

    He also let me have one of the pedophiles over for dinner many times because the good old boy's did not want him telling me that this one guy was a child molester who had raped a eight year old child.

    I have to face the fact that my husbands loyalty is to the religion and I just cannot do it anymore.

    I am his wife but what does mean when the religion is first in his life.

    It has been a rough night I slept about two hours and I am off to work now.

    Thanks for asking.


  • life is to short
    life is to short

    Thanks mouthy

  • Pistoff


    I totally understand your rage; you, after all, believed that the elders are there to protect you and the children in the hall, that you can take any concern of yours to the elders. That is what they have said over and over again from the stage.

    The problem is, as you now know, it is not true. They don't hold themselves to the high morals and principles they preach from the platform; it is more important to them to follow procedure than to take bold action to right a wrong.

    When it comes to pedophiles, they have NOT changed one iota in reality. Not one.

    They still require 2 witnesses; they still take the word of the pedophile, they still protect his identity.

    You found out the hard way.

    Take a deep breath, don't do anything rash or in a hurry. Take a day off; take a week off, talk to a good friend.


  • ultrabimbo

    Hi LITS:

    These elders, including your husand are cowards and lack backbones. I should know, I was at one time one of them. When I finally took a

    stand for the victims and made it known that I would no longer play the "put the society's interests first" game, I was no longer an elder. At

    the time my wife and I were moving to a spanish speaking congregation, needless to say I was not recommended for re-appointment as an

    elder. At the time I was the Watchtower conductor, Book Study conductor and held every position in the congregation at one time except PO,

    which I would not have been any good at. I had conducted myself as a Christian as best I could, so the only area where I could have been

    lacking in the qualities that they see as valuable was that I would no longer shield child molestors as the society commanded. They can say that

    they don't do this, but I have read all the letters dating back to the 80's, this is thier stance.

    I continued to attend meetings for about 3 years and made my new thinking on the matter obvious to all. When I found out through internet research

    that the organization was involved as an NGO with the U.N. that was enough for me. I researched this relationship with the U.N. for about 2 years (remember

    I had spent my entire adult life as a witness and would not throw that all away on a whim) and finally in July '06 I disassociated myself from the congregation.

    My only regret is that I did not wake up sooner and that I was unsuccessful at getting my wife to join me. She is still an active witness and we are hopelessly

    seperated since May '10.

    Until the men who run the Watchtower and thier underlings who are elders grow spines and get some balls, nothing will change. You though my dear have big brass

    ones and I say to you booyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!


  • Magwitch

    It sounds like you need a break LITS....

    I sent you a PM

  • Quandry

    I am so sorry, LITS.

    I also agree with Pistoff....take a deep breath. You must do what is best FOR YOU.

    Give things time to calm down. Your husband is under "the spell" of the WT. The fact that he spoke with the other elders first shows that he is concerned about their stance. It may be that as time goes on and this person gets closer to people with kids in the congo he will stand up and speak out. He is going through some cognitive dissonance right now.

    Try to get involved with things that will get your mind off the JWs. Find yourself. That is no mean feat...I was "in" for over thirty years. When I left, I had no idea who I was. For so long I'd just been parroting the WT line. It takes awhile to find some interests that will take the place of all those hours spent at the KHall or out in service. But I'm sure that you can find some things that a lot more enjoyable, and hopefully your husband can join you in a few. How about traveling at least one weekend instead of going to the Hall? How about a continuing education class dancing? Give it a shot and see if things will improve.

    Showdowns usually don't produce good resuts. I am taking a class in Psychology right now on Principles of Learning. To shape a behavior you start slowly and give reinforcements. Works with rats, pidgeons, and people.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    You need to take care of YOU. If the JDubs want to harbor pedophiles - and apparently they DO - there is nothing you can do about it until you've healed yourself from the cult damage first.

    I realize the serenity prayer has become a cliche' but its words are true. Until you can accept the things you cannot change you won't be able to change the things that you can. It takes a bit of work to acquire the wisdom to know the difference. Hugs to you.

    BTW, have you given your hubby's email address to any ex-JWs who are working on the mailing list of elders? Perhaps hearing the truth from someone else might hold some weight with him.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    Blondie's comment concerning a witness to the conversation is a good one. My concern would be what to do if yuo can't trust anyone in the congregation. Would the person be truthful even under a barrage of pressure from the elders. Perhaps material such as this should be memoralized in a formal letter with proof of delivery. Thus, a valid concern becomes litigation at the get go.

    It must be so frustrating. Women tend to be extremely protective of children with good cause. Ultimately, they have power and you do not.

    I would write what my concerns were, the evidence, Wt policy, the strain on your conscience and female instincts. If they do not respond in a timely manner, say one or two weeks, a copy is forwarded to the local lauthorities.

    An obligation to Caesar exists. Also as a Christian, what would Jesus do? We are trained to be deferential and ignore our instincts and reason itself. Let them di'f' or not d'f. People do not make up these hunches. Children do not make up abuse, esp. very young children. Proof beyond a reasonable doubt is necessary for conviction but civil authroities may act on lesser burdens of proof. Let the pedophile be an active Witness in prison, where murderes, rapists, the worse considr a pedophile open season. I forgot the inmate expression. There was a Broadway play or off-Broadway with the slang as the title.

    Involving the authorities makes it hard for the Witnesses not to act at all. The burden of acting is removed from you once you tell them.

    How about making up flyers in Word and sticking them on the windshields of all the cars at the KH during the service?

    Of course, your JW career will be over. I can feel the rage and frustration.

  • BluesBrother

    Before your post of today, LITS< i was going to ask about your husband's role in all this....but lets not make a bad situation worse. I am so sorry

    There is no reason in the world why a sister should not feel free to speak to an elder....What was Jesus' example? But I know that situations happen. Sister Blues has had her share of bad experiences.

    Why did it take 3 months for notice of his history to come through? Think of the harm he could have done in that time...

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