I could really use some advice :(

by FifthOfNovember 38 Replies latest social relationships

  • mouthy

    It sounds to me as if it is time to move on....

    Asking if you would care if they kissed,is trying to make you jealous

    If this is a real relationship!!!!You will have to completly trust.OR

    tell her ,it will end if she is even thinking of kissing another guy...
    But you will have to decide..Love without trust dont usually work
    But then I am from the old school,& break ups werent as often as they
    are now ( good luck)

  • Lozhasleft

    You could come out of this with your dignity and with some definitive resolution. Offer to set her free with no hard feelings to let her have time to think about what she feels....if she really cares for you she'll respect that and she'll commit more to you..... if she doesnt ...well then you know where you stand. Bit scary but keeps it real. There's an old saying...

    'If you love something..set it free ...if it loves you it will come home to you...if it doesnt it didnt love you anyway.'

    Loz x

  • AudeSapere

    I agree with everyone's comments so far.

    Since you are both in college, I am thinking that you are both fairly young. Maybe it's best for both of you to be free to date other people while you have the opportunity now. You are both still maturing emotionally, mentally physically and spiritually. Why limit yourself so early in life??

    Maybe give a little thought to parting as friends and letting each other date who they want for a while (a year or two or three???).

    Just a thought.


  • SixofNine

    Maybe she wants to be in a polyamorous relationship with you and the other guy? I guess she already is to some extent.

    If that's not what you want, you should give her the "The Redheaded Stranger" album by Willie Nelson and see how she reacts.

  • Velour

    Oh jeebus!

    She wants him when she's with him and wants you when she's with you. It sounds like she's emotionally tied up in you enough to fear losing you but she's letting the thrill of a possible new romance cloud any straight thinking.

    It should be fair of you to ask her, "when I go away in the fall how would you feel about me hanging out with another lady? How would you feel if I admitted to having feelings for her and I STILL hung out with her despite the toll I know it will take on the relationship between you and me?" If you wouldn't treat her like this because of how much you value the relationship and respect her then it should tell you that she's lacking the appreciation for it and respect for you.

    It's a 2 way road and if she's not willing to be respectful of the relationship then it's time to let her go. She'll be hurt because she's tied up emotionally with you but that's not necessarily the same as love and a desire to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with you.

  • Nice_Dream

    It sounds like she's a bit confused. If she really is committed to your relationship, she should stop being friends with that other guy. If the situation was reversed, how would she feel if you continued to be friends with a girl who had a crush on you and you had a small crush on her? Trust is an issue, and she needs to decide if she wants to be with you, or test out the waters with someone else.

    I'm sorry you are going through this right now.

  • sooner7nc

    She sounds like a real winner , drop her like a hot rock. After you dump her go find the other guy and beat his ass half to death. Problem solved....just don't get caught beating his ass.

  • rebel8

    ^Ignore the advice given in the latter half of that last post!

    Tell her you are uncomfortable with her expressed feelings about him and are concerned about her kiss question. Then go from there.

  • SixofNine

    speaking of red headed strangers !

  • FifthOfNovember

    I appreciate the comments and I'm not sure if this confused anyone or not but she didn't ask me for permission to kiss him. She was asking, if she would have kissed him would I be mad?

    And I know I made it sound like she wants to be with him too but I really don't think she's looking for someone else.

    Basically, I think this. Since there aren't too many people in the program she's in she was obviously looking for someone to hang out with. She started talking to this guy, fully intent on just making a new friend. But the more she talked to him, the more he began to like her, and she began to develop a small crush. I don't think she has any intention of being with him though.

    Now, she's scared to death I'm going to leave her. Honestly, she is the sweetest, most kind girl in the world, we've had a flawless relationship before this and I would hate to leave her. Rebel8, I definitely plan on doing that tonight.

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