Can't sleep... Feel so alone! (page 2)

talesin

I totally understand. Therapy helped me with my social skills and also with this ....

one of my wordly friends told me that... i thought he didnt notice but he told me straight and clear, "why dont you let me in?" i did not know what to say... is super hard...

ME TOO!!! It's a big hurdle to overcome, but YOU CAN DO IT. I now have the world's best friends,,, not a lot, but a handful.

And I don't know if you do this, but I didn't realize for many years that I was still judging people in my mind "she's kinda slutty", "he drinks too much", etc. People pick up on this, even when you don't express it verbally. Another good thing to 'work on',,, accepting people for who they are, and it really gets easier when you start to accept yourself for the lovely, bright person YOU are ,,, love yourself and others will love you, too.

Oh, and you do belong. You are no longer alone in how you feel. We can belong to many tribes in our lifetime,,, and this is one of mine. Welcome to the tribe!

(((Free!!)))

tal

Free!!

Thanks tal! I thought about the same thing... maybe like you said i am still judging people in my mind, but my best friend is a pill-poping, chain smoking, tattooed, fast car (w shady business) type of guy... and believe me i dont judge him at all!!

I think is more about your latter statement, i need to accept and love myself first, is like FHN said, i know there is a cool, fun, independent chick somewhere inside of me, but i cant find her! i dont know why is so hard!!! :(

Chemical Emotions

Free!!: Just know that things WILL get better! My social skills have slowly begun to improve, as poor as they still are, as have my trust in wordly people. I thought it was impossible, but it's not. The barrier that you have will begin to drop, albeit slowly. Things will improve.

talesin

Well, maybe she's just a little hesitant to show herself,,, you've been trying to be perfect for so many years,,, give her permission to be human, to make mistakes and learn from them, remind her of how she doesn't always have to be nice,,, you know, all those things you have worked to accept in others ... be your own best friend!!!!

(just reminded myself of Spaceballs and John Candy's character "I'm a Mog,, half-man, half-dog. I'm my own Best Friend!")

a teeny chuckle I hope, through your tears ... :D

off to try to sleep (it's 3:01 and I have a 9:00 appt.... yeah, I know that insomnia feeling ...)

talk atcha later, Free!!

xoxo

tal

FlyingHighNow

Hey, Free, word has gotten back to me that my Episcopalian friends think I'm cool. I forgot how cool I was. I got hornswaggled about the same age you, did bu-bay. Ever hear of that movie with the title something like When Stella Got Her Groove Back? Hang with us here at JWN and you'll get your groove back, too. You shall see. I bet you can list the cool things about you before you were hooked by the borg. Give us a list.

talesin

Chemical,,, just read your post, so before I go, wanted to say ... you are so right,,, and most people are of good intent,,, your GUT will tell you when you don't 'like' someone (ie, like to be around them),,,, trust in that gut feeling... it'll also tell you when you DO like someone ...

It's brave steps you both are taking, be proud,,, be safe,,, and remember that there is a whole future of freedom ahead of you, yes, a few issues to work out, but sooner than you think,,, you will feel better and better.

The Force will always be with you!

t

Free!!

@tal... thanks for the chuckle and nite nite

@FHN... Like tal said, i was trying to be perfect for so long i forgot about being human.... even when my friends tell me why they hang out w me i dont believe it.... but that would be a good exercise.... let's see, before i started hanging out w the dubs... and became one.... i was (am):

A quick thinker

Smart

A good listener

A nurturer

Problem solver (other people's problems not mine)

Responsible

Funny

That's what i have so far... i have always being kind of nerdy... so...

FlyingHighNow

Keep up with the list. What are unique things about you? Do you cook a mean tuna casserole? Maybe your taste in music is exquisite. Do you have talents and hobbies?

Listen, most teenagers are awkward. It's when you get older that you figure out who you are and settle in. And what's wrong with being nerdy anyhow? You say that like a nerd can't be cool.

Robdar

Free:

The worst part is that i put this barrier and cant let people in

At least you are aware of the barrier and can start slowly tearing down your walls. I want to encourage you to be gentle with yourelf. You will open up when you are ready.

I understand the barrier. It took me a long time to start letting people into my private life. Once I started, I discovered something surprising: Most people are not worth letting in and are happy to hurt you and betray your secrets. Maybe it's because I have a back ground in entertainment that I feel this way, show business is very competitive. I have few true friends. But the ones I have I have had for decades.

Although I have been burned, I am happy that I opened up to other people. The true friends I have are worth their weight in gold and were worth going through the pain with others who turned out not to be true friends.

I hope it gets better for you. There are many compassionate, good people on this board. I am sure any one of them would love to help you in your transition.

Free!!

Thanks guys..... i really appreciate your words...

I love to travel, i am a loyal friend and i would die for my friends (the few i have), i am an awesome cook :) and i think i can be a sweet person.....

Being nerdy can be cool, but i am insecure too.... so scare of life... wish i could do something to snap out of it!

i took some sleeping aids i hope they take effect soon... thanks everyone.....

Can't sleep... Feel so alone!

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