Feeling a bit alienated

by factfinder 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • talesin

    factfinder -- disillusionment was the reason I left,,, the hypocrisy, the lying, just proved to me that this was not 'the Truth TM ' ... maybe not doctrinal (the teachings never seemed real to me,, it was just something I learned because I was born-in), but I will tell you that the disappointment in people coloured my life for decades.

    I'm sorry you have felt alienated, and thank you for showing me yet another point of view. As in all aspects of life, every person has a different experience, and each one is valid.

    I had a friend a while back, a guy I was quite in love with. He grew up an Orthodox Jew. He went to Israel at 18, to visit the homeland, and was conscripted almost the moment he stepped off the plane. He was put on 'perimeter duty', and quickly (within 6 weeks) was shot with a tracer bullet. It turned out to be a minor injury to his hand (healed ok), but got him back to Canada. What a disillusioned person he was. His faith, his belief in his very culture, was destroyed. When I was reading your story, I was reminded of him. He turned to anarchy, punkdom; he was a goth. In time, his anarchistic views softened, but it was kinda like you, turning to the JWS, for answers. I think I 'get it'.

    We are all different here at JWN, but yet we are one. I hope you will always remember that, and happy you spoke up to tell us how you feel.


  • factfinder

    @Vanderhovan7- thanks! I think it will be a long while before I will have a balanced view towards God, Jesus, and the Bible again. Right now there is much negativity and I feel its all academic. Perhaps one day I will have faith in God again-thanks for your kind wishes!

    @sizemilk- that is a good point- yes- when first discovering what we thought was the truth- it was very exciting- everything opened up and became so clear! Well, not all-the 144,000 was hard to grasp at first. You put it so well... "as the disparities and shortcomings mount...the percieved benifits seem to diminish.' Thank you for explaining how anger is most often expressed, but fueled by dissappointment and embarressment. I find myself embarressed to let people know I was once a jw.

    @still thinking-it seems you are still trying to figure out what to believe, like I was. Yes, I thought some of the teachings were still true, about Jesus, the resurrection hope. But now, it all seems like it no longer matters what the Bible says. I am also in that weird, in between place, regarding what to believe...sometimes I seem to lean towards being agnostic even. But I guess I have learned something from being a witness. I'm sorry you too were so dissappointed when discovering the truth about the wts.

    @Quandry-I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who really believed the wt teachings!!!! Yes, the change in the generation teaching in 1995 was very dissappointing, it was as TIME magazine put it: "The Jehovah's Witnesses have decided that the end times are fluid." The end seemed further away. (The new generation teaching now is pathetic.) I'm sorry to hear that your daughter was treated so horribly by the elders- they have no real love at all- it is all just words. I witnessed a kangaroo court at the kh. There was a power play between an elder who was in charge, or wanted to be, and a CO. At the time an elder had begun to study with me as my faith was very weak and I was thinking of leaving the "truth". ( I should have!) This elder sided with the CO. So sides were drawn with prominent elders backing the PO against the CO, and the others were afraid of losing their position-so weakly went along. The elder who was my friend got "railroaded" as the CO put it- and was deleted as an elder. Bitter and discouraged, he moved to Florida shortly after that and I left that cong. to return to the KH I was originally in, although it was a different cong there by now! The elders in that cong were very encouraging to me, but I greatly missed my friend. I viewed the congs and elders differently from then on, Jehovah's spirit had nothing to do with what took place in the congs. after all. Thank you for your words of encouragement!

    @talesin- thanks for your encouragement. I'm sorry you were so dissalusioned too. It is a very hard thing to discover the WTS is not God's Org and has been corrupt. My wonderful Mom told me right from the start that the witnesses are not perfect, but I did not listen to her. For years I came up with excuses for the wrongdoing, lies and hypocrisy I saw among so many of the witnesses in several congs. But finally, it was too much and there were no more excuses. I'm sorry to hear about your former boyfriend. I am happy I started this post. Thank you!

  • transhuman68

    I think it is only the born-in Dubbies who are teenagers or in their twenties who are using the internet to find out the truth and quickly leaving who are really happy. Maybe they never fitted in to the borg in the first plce. But there is always some anger confusion and disappointment for everyone, I think; regardless of whether they are born-in or a convert.

  • Botzwana

    I had it all and chose not to listen. Dad found the truth in 81 or so...Baptized in 83. I didn´t want to be one. I was around 11 or so. I would be in bed awake on a sunday trying not to make any noise that would wake Dad so we would have to go. It wasn´t until years later that I accepted a bible study. When I was 20. Loved what I was learning. An apostate saw me reading a live forever book and brought over a box of apostate stuff. It made me doubt a little. Even a great video which I have recently discovered on YT. Even all of that and I still got baptized etc. Lord have mercy. That was in 94. Lost my fiance. Great woman. I am married to a great woman now but sometimes I think what would have been...I have since apologized to her. Was in the cult 16 years. Even didn´t allow a blood transfustion for dying Dad. I am SO frickin mad at them today. A year later they changed their stance on blood. My father could have possibly survived.

    He was a famous architect.

  • Concerned JW
    Concerned JW

    Something I notice when I read the bible is how human people are. Even those that Jehovah picks look at David all those wives and still he wants anpther man's wife. Moses a true friend of Jehovah's but he let the power goto his head eventually. The Apostles arguing over who was the greatest among themselves, Jonah running away from the chance to do ministry, Paul having arguments with Barnabas about another brother.

    I am always saddenned when despite the bible showing us that mistakes will happen we put our other brothers and the organisation on impossibly high pedestals and then stumble when they naturally fall. What makes us Jehovah's people is that we follow Jehovah!

  • mrsjones5

    We? This ain't a kingdom hall.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I am always saddenned when despite the bible showing us that mistakes will happen we put our other brothers and the organisation on impossibly high pedestals and then stumble when they naturally fall. What makes us Jehovah's people is that we follow Jehovah!

    The Organization puts itself on a pedestal, puts the GB on a pedestal, and even puts the elders on a pedestal (tho somewhat lower than GB) and then demands that we all bow before it/them.

    What makes one (or keeps one) a Jehovah's Witness is following The Organization, which does not necessarily have anything to do with following Jehovah. Question anything about the Organization and you won't be a JW much longer.

    then [we] stumble when they naturally fall

    Why would the SPIRIT DIRECTED Organization ever "fall"?

  • kazar

    Hey, factfinder-here's another one.

    Your story sounds so much like mine. I was raised Catholic, converted to JW's when I was 18. The paradise life appealed greatly to me. I hated the teachings of Catholicism with their heaven (which I believed to be a place of disembodiment of some sort), hell (which was a place of torment where no one wanted to go) so when I heard the "live forever on earth" concept I was hooked. I really loved the the way the witnesses explained the bible which of course the priests and nuns never did. Even so, I began to have serious doubts about JW's beliefs.

    25 years later I was dfd and left. I do feel relieved and free but I will never again to have that feeling of belonging and security I once had. I knew I was the only person in the world experiencing such loneliness--that was before the days of the internet!

    Your feelings of sadness and meloncholy will lessen in time. I hope you have good supportive friends to help you, and of course you can always come here.

  • St George of England
    St George of England

    Think positive factfinder! It could be worse. Poor old George has wasted over 65 years and is still trapped in!


  • factfinder

    @transhuman68- thank you! I agree. I'd think that everyone who finds out that what they were taught is not true would be angry about it.

    @Botswana-I am very sorry to hear about your Dad. I too wonder what my life would have been if I had not studied with the witnesses. I'm glad you have a happy marriage and a good life now.

    @ Concerned JW-Yes, it is true that Moses, Solomon, King David, Peter, Paul, etc at times were unfaithful. But the GB demands that jws believe and obey EVERYTHING they say or be shunned. Then, they change their teachings. If something is TRUE, it will always be. Yet the GB keeps changing things-so they were not true to begin with. The GB demands to be put on a pedestal by the witnesses. King David was not righteous in my opinion. I made up excuses for wrongdoing I saw among the elders and others for years. It reached a point where I could no longer do so- I did not believe the excuses myself!

    @mrs.jones5-Yes, this is NOT a kh and we are all glad!

    @Desirous Of Change-I agree! The GB puts itself on a pedastal and demands to be worshipped & obeyed! And that is a good point you mention: ' Why would a SPIRIT DIRECTED organization ever fall?" If it was truly spirit-directed and it fell then God's spirit failed.

    @Kazar-I was also 18 when I began to study with the witnesses! Got baptized when I was 20. What caused you to have serious doubts? I agree with you- being a part of "God's Organization" was a unique experience and that special feeling it gave us will not be found again. Thank you for your encouragement! I have a really great guy as my best friend and although he was never a witness (and never will be!) he does try to support me- he knows the witnesses are fake and are judgemental hypocrites. It is encouraging to come here to jwn and get to hear the experiences and advice of many others who know what it is like to be a witness, and find out your long held, cherished beliefs were lies and that the WTS-"God's Channel Of Communication"- is really just another religious group teaching falsehoods and trying to control your life.

    I hope one day my mixed up feelings and beliefs get straitened out and I can find a balance!

    @St. George Of England- thank you for your encouragement! I am sorry you are still trapped in the jw cult. I guess you have friends and relatives there who will shun you if you leave?

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