To ex-elders,that are df'ed, disassociated, fadeing and a wife thats still in please answer this.

by TheLoveDoctor 24 Replies latest jw experiences

  • CuriousButterfly

    I would stand on the headship ground. Did you ask your wife who "read" these things you posted? I would want to know and nip it in the bud.

  • breakfast of champions
    breakfast of champions

    I always hated it when elders would ask me or my wife if they could "speak to me" after the meeting/on sunday/etc... We'd get all nervous and jerky... Then in the end it would be about if we could do spring hall cleaning or something stupid like that. It was so obviously a POWER TRIP MOVE for some elders to pull that crap.

    But in the end - YES - you have EVERY RIGHT to be there when they talk to your wife if they so desire.

    Hope all goes well.

  • wont-let-me-fade

    Hi Love Doctor

    I'm into second yr of fade with my wife still in.I always agree to meet with elders when requested,as to do otherwise allows them to speculate and draw unhelpful conclusions.I haven't been to a meeting aside from the obligatory mem' in 2 yrs however I still get the occasional call from the cobe. I just play along play the game by their rules and still do nothing.They have no grounds to form a commitee for me as i refuse to answer the leading question asto is the faithful and confused slave being gods channel.So my advice would be use theocratic warfare lie lie and lie some more.Don't let them intimidate you.Bye the way I served in the cult as an elder back in 1980 they cant attack you if you just agree with them.

  • willyloman

    This is an opportunity to use their own rules against them:

    Talk with your wife first and remind her she is scripturally under your headship and it would be disloyal to Jehovah's arrangement if she were to answer any questions about you in your absence, especially if such questions come from an elder since they are the ones who are supposed to set the example. Suggest to her that her only appropriate response is, "You should talk to my husband about those things. I'm his wife and in no position to speak for him."

  • godrulz

    good wisdom, willy

  • truthlover

    Is there only the one elder who wants to meet with her? and where? in the hall? In a closed door room -- nope! Not alone! Who knows what the point of the meeting is?

    There will be 2 at least - will she feel intimidated? I think willy is right -- you are the spiritual head -- she is to defer any questions about you to you....... as you are not df'd or da'd....yet but then again, maybe they do want to talk to you and are using your wife to get to you and find out what is in your mind....

    I am not an elder but as a woman I would not allow myself to be put into that position without my hubby there -- witnesses, witnesses -- some can be real p.............

  • sinis

    They tried pulling this shit on me when I faded. Elders asked my wife why I removed myself, and no longer came to meetings. I specifically told her that if she were to meet with the elders that she should not answer questions on my behalf, and explain that to them. I also advised her that it was not appropriate for only ONE elder to meet with her and that if that happened request the elder to have someone else present or she would kindly dismiss herself. It eventually got to the point where I told my wife, in our conversations, that I would sue the elders personally and individually for slander and liable if they DF'd me for any reason. About two weeks later, after this conversation, the elders approached her and wanted to know what was going on, and that they were thinking of DF'ing me because "I no longer believed" - she made it quite clear that I had every intention of taking them to civil court if they DF'd me and that I would ruin them financially. After that conversation they told her that they would not pursue the issue. Eventually my wife saw the hypocrisy and left. Been free for several years now!!!!!!

  • NewChapter

    I had a friend that was approached by elders--they wanted to talk to her. Well a bunch of BS had been going on and an elder's wife got a bee in her bonnet and heard some hidden insult in every comment my friend made during WT. It was ridiculous, especially cuz the friend really wasn't even thinking about this arrogant person when commenting. ANYWAY, since one of the elders was this woman's husband, my friend suspected it was more on the BS. She pulled her trump card. She would only meet with her "head" present. Mind you, she's not overly submissive, but she used it to her benefit. It worked. They agreed she had that right, and the meeting was scheduled, and rescheduled (hubby was hard to pin down) for quite some time. For sure it made a difference. She had already experienced the bully mentality with them and the elder's wife was always right. They weren't so sure when her husband was with her.


  • stray

    Wanted to tell the Original Poster to hang in there. And I'd like to say to Sinis...that story is f*cking inspiring. Well played.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    It's what everyone else in the thread said. Scripturally you're the head and you can prevent her from speaking to the elders without your presence.

    Also, how are you working with her to help her see the truth about the Borg? Using Family Worship Night to teach her how to think for herself worked for me. It took many months but my wife finally came out. Then I was finally able to leave the Borg myself.

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