Elders came to visit...

by pubtruth 35 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pubtruth

    I'm sorry how my posts seem to get longer and longer, I'm a very descriptive and analytical person...

    As you may know already I decided to no longer participate in field service or go to the meetings. I am completely done with this hypocritical cult which talks off both ends of the mouth. I told my mother my decision and not much can be done since I’m an adult and I’m really on my own in terms of my responsibilities. She just remains hopeful I will look past the enormous inconsistencies of “new light”. Anyway, she forwarded to the elders my wishes to no longer go to hall. Not much choice, she was badgered about where was I. This was a week ago. This week I didn’t attend either and they let my mother know they would be coming over to visit me after the meeting.

    They arrived, I greeted them, not with my usual smile, I was mentally distraught as I didn’t know how to start, it was more of a limp handshake, with a poker face. They discussed that they were worried about what was going on. I was completely speechless as my mind was racing. I looked away staring blankly. They told me that I should open my heart to them because they are there to help (right, there to cleanse the sales meeting) I sighed. They asked what was bothering me once again. Cited a few scriptures, I agreed to read them. After a bit of talk from them and just nodding, looking away from my part. I just said, “How did they get to 1914?” One winced slightly, the other tried to explain it as a biblical calculation, let me know how 607BC was involved in that figuration.

    I widened my eyes, slouched forward with my hand on my face. He asked me to get a paper to jot down the calculation, anyway it wasn’t of much use, as the other elder changed the topic slightly, causing a distraction. They mentioned how 587 BC was used by false religion, and that 607 was supported by science (Huh?) I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. In fact they told me apostates wrote fake Watchtowers, which may have made it online (I was going to refute that contradictions are found in the WT CD ROM, they were so eagerly explaining I couldn’t get a word in)

    They asked if I had another bible that wasn’t the NWT, I did but in English (I’m in a Spanish congregation) It’s a New Living Translation. They asked me to lookup Revelation 12:3-5 read it, translate it for them. (Dragon who swept away 1/3 of the stars, standing in front of the woman about to give birth, the son would rule with an iron rod, was caught away by God) Later he asked me, who is that boy? I went to the NWT and reread it there. My mind was blank (I never paid full attention to Revelation, most confusing book in the bible.) After a bit of a pause I said “Jesus?” Just a guess, I had no idea.. The elder was shocked “Sorry that’s not the answer. You need study, pubtruth!” I let him know it was a guess, I admitted I was a failure when it comes to Revelation. “Don’t worry, were here to help. We’re not going to reprove you for that” (They must always show that they are not out to get you)

    He agreed to sit down with me an explain what it all meant ( I looked up later, according to the WT, The mother is the organization [I knew that, I failed to think of it as that in that moment, I was under pressure] and the son was the kingdom.. OKAY Now I’m hella confused! ) After some vacillation I agreed. (I also think there is noo light on this as well..) They agreed they would set a date to see me again and explain that and other doubts (told me to write them down, which I did) which I may have. They asked me if I wanted to go out in service in the morning, I said “I needed time for myself” “Fine, take your time, but please make an effort to go to hall on Tuesday” “I’ll see”, limp handshake and they left happy thinking they might have gotten to me. They really haven’t. When the door shut I sighed out of relief. My brother (who isn’t a JW, left young) who was hearing everything in the adjacent room let out “Jesus Christ!”… My head was thumping with a migraine, dinner time was well gone, we talked more than an hour. Mom was coming with my dinner, I just shut my room door in her face. Threw myself in bed, my mind racing and I was feeling like I was going to pop a vein. My blood sugar plummeted I had not eaten, I was starting to shake, I got up angry around 3 hrs later (10pm), threw my briefcase against the closet door almost popping it out of its roller. I went, prepped for a shower. Heated up dinner in the microwave, and tried to relax. I prayed “If this really your truth keep me in, if not help me discount it as such”…

    The more I researched, the more I find it that it can’t be the truth. I was awake all through sunrise. Researching topics like 1914, Beth-Sarim, Blood Doctrine, and Resurrection of Sodomites... Printing reference after reference. I’m having second thoughts about discussing my doubts with them It’s mentally exhausting, I seriously contemplated doing something drastic for quite some time after they left. Would it be smart to discuss with them or should I just give them word I no longer want to be an unbaptized publisher? I should just save myself from being labeled an apostate by not showing them all my research? Right now I’m leaning towards making a clean cut..

    PS: My mother saw my research, she was up at 4am with me, she keeps her stance that it’s the truth, but we’re all imperfect men, I said alright but it can’t be led by the Holy Spirit with those contradictions [ref. to the generation teaching], she argues they are clarifications. But I let her know that to be a clarification (light getting brighter) it cannot directly conflict with what was thought to be true before [Anointed Generation, 1914 Generation, Wicked Generation and back to Anointed]… Simple she just didn’t want to accept that, even though the facts are right in her face! (Yet she is less and less badgering me about the “Truth”) Hopefully I have planted a seed…

  • MrFreeze

    If you want to get disfellowshipped and labled as an apostate show them your research. If not, then just keep putting off your meeting with them. Either way as long as you are disassociating yourself, you win.

  • pubtruth

    I'm only an unbaptized publisher, it's not like I'm going to be shunned by everyone. But i feel explaining my stance in a carried out conversation will be daunting. I may just write a letter asking to be removed as an unbaptized publisher with a quick explanation even though I don't have to, but it will let my mind rest.

  • nugget

    You are an unbaptized publisher they have no power over you. you can't be shunned even if you decided to walk away. You have given them no authority over your life you can just walk away.

  • sherah

    Sorry for the mental/physical anguish you are going throught.

    Nothing good can come from discussing your doubts with the elders. In the end, they will use it to DF you. Don't put anything in writing for them and discontinue meeting with them. Their goal is not to help you understand WT teachings, they are trying to determine if you are a threat to the congregation.

    From reading your post, I don't know if you are baptised. They can't DF you but they can mark you and label you as a spiritual threat to your family.

    Also, maybe it's best if you don't share your thoughts and feelings about WT Inc. with your mother. She will feel it's her duty to 'save' you and take her concerns to the elders. Talk it out on JWN.

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    If you are only (i mean that in the best possible light) an unbaptised publisher, then you are already free and clear. FREE AND CLEAR I tells you!!

    They can't do jack shit to you because you are NOT baptised, so stop all your anxiety right this minute ok. They can't touch you. They can badger you, try and guilt you into it, but they have no other options or threats available to them.

    The choice is yours whether to meet with them again and discuss your doubts, but unless you UNDERSTAND the subject (e.g 607, 1914) pretty well then they can just confuse you into going along with it.

    I'd be interested in ANY evidence that apostates have ever made up FALSE watchtowers for the internet though, if you do meet with them again.

    Edit to add: OK, i take so long to type stuff out that you have clearly stated you are unbaptised now lol

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    I sent you a PM as well. click the small envelope top right, might have an error, click it again, should show messages then.

  • reds

    You are not baptised,you can't be df'd. Just tell them your not comfortable with being baptised at this time. If they ask for an explanation just stick to being uncomfortable, nothing specific. you don't owe them anything. They studied with you freely and counted it as time. It saved them from going door to door. Don't write anything to them. The less you say the better off you are. You can always use the excuse your working on some personal issues. Really ,less said the better. There's a saying, the more you stir sh*t the more it stinks. Wishing you the best!

  • pubtruth

    They wont leave me alone, I have to express my true desires so they stay the f**k away. I know I can't disfellowshipped, but I know some that will shun me and already are doing so. I really dont care for them. (My two dubbie best friends, they aren't real friends) Regardless of what I do they (Elders) will still advise the congregation "[Name] is no longer an unbaptized publisher of the Good News" I just want to be completely out of it, I tried keeping quiet as a member of the "Conscious class" for more than a year, and I can no longer be a hypocrite like them.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Don't do any more research into WT/Bible subjects.

    You are wasting your time.

    You already know enough.

    What you don't know, is how to get it through to them. The information isn't the issue. The issue is, how you get it into their thick skulls that they have a problem?

    Refuse to talk to them until you have learned how to question them and know that you can control the conversation.


    Of the Great Unwashed Class

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