New to the Board

by 30 years out 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  30 years out

  Hello Everyone:

  I am finally on board after lurking here for quite some time. I have been impressed and depressed by what I have seen here and hope I can add something meaningful.

  A little personal history: I was born the son of the then "Congregation Servant" and his wife. In my early teens I came to realize that I was Gay, but was equally determined to "get over it" which led me to become a regular pioneer, and later marry a witness and have a child before the marriage imploded after 2 years.

  By this time I was very disillusioned with the doctrine and function of the congregation and had begun to fade. I met and my second wife in 1981 (still hoping to get over the Gay issue). We were living together and I was smoking so my sister in law decided her faith was so strong that she must report my transgressions to the elders in her congregation. These were men I did no know since I had never attended their congregation and I told them that I did not recognize their authority and was not willing to change my behavior based on their frequent unwanted visits.

  The congregation was cleansed of my presence in late 1981 and the only family member who still maintained a relationship with me was my brother who had, by then, faded as well. The man I came to call my "birth father" continued in his position as an elder until his passing late last year. I did visit on several occasions during his final 2 months, but I refused to attend the memorial service held in their KH. I explained that it would violate my conscience to participate in an act of worship in a house of worship I find to be false and abhorrent.

  In 1995 my second marriage ended and I was finally able to admit to myself and the world that I am and always have been a Gay man who until the age of 40 had lived a lie. At this point my faded brother decided he could no longer stomach a relationship with me. My life partner and I have been together for 14 years now and we continue to build toward our future together.

  Looking forward to participating in the banter here in the future:

  30
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  cantleave

  Welcome to the board. After being out of the Borg for so long, what made you start lurking here?. Was it your brother's abandonment or something else?
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  30 years out

  Actually I was contacted by 2 family members from the midwest who had recently been DF'd and one of them was having a lot of difficulty with the shunning she was enduring. Since I had been out for so long I was at a loss to help them and began looking for info to pass along to them.

  After stumbling onto this site and reading some of the experiences it all came back and I realized that most of us needed professional help which we never received. I found that even with being away for so long there are still issues I have never dealt with completely. I had no one to talk to about my situation back then and I hope I can save someone a little bit of the anguish by giving them an alternative way to see the world.

  30
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  nicolaou

  Welcome to the board 30. How times have changed for anyone leaving the Watchtower over the past 15 years or so. Brave souls like yourself had little or no support network and difficult access to quality information that could help explain just what the Watchtower society and it's doctrines are all about.

  Please, please continue posting and add your valuable experience to the growing network that supports other victims take their first steps into freedom.

  All the best,

  Nic'
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  still thinking

  Welcome 30 years...hope you plan on staying for a while....
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  Cali Guy

  Thanks for sharing your story with us! I'm so happy for you, even with bumpy roads, you are in a position of honestly and TRUTHFULNESS!
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  jwfacts

  Thanks for your story and welome. It is terrible what people put each other through. I am glad you found someone to settle with and hope you can help your family members.
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  TotallyADD

  Welcome 30 years out to the forum. I to had a father who was a elder up to his death. So I kind of understand what you must have went through. Thank you for your story and bebing open with us. You will find the support you need if you want it. The folks here are not closed minded like they are in JW cult or any other religion for that matter. I just sign on Jan. of this year and it amazes how many have signed on to this forum since I did. This place does the soul good. So continue to vent, talk, or give your thoughts on what is being talk about. It's all good and will help you to heal. Again thank you for your story and look forward to more of your post. Totally ADD
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  nancy drew

  welcome

  glad to hear your life is now in a settled place.
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  mummatron

  Hello & welcome! *Waves*

  Great to hear that you found a way of living as the person you were always born to be.

  Mummatron - (was a bOrg robot almost 12 years ago)