I need help! i am in social limbo!

by Free!! 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • DesirousOfChange

    Friendships are built around the things that 2 people have in common. It's the same in the JWs. You have something in common to discuss and to "voluteer" your time to help that effort that is different from everyone else, which is why when you are speaking to a JW, once you get past the meeting, the Assm, your recent RV, or a comment your BS made............you are out of things in common and the conversation lulls. Cliques develope within the congreation (and we complained when we were not part of them) among small groups of individuals who have something else in common beyond the JW doctrine. Golfing. Boating. Hunting. Fishing. However, these are always required to take 2nd place to organizational things, thus if you end up OUT of the Org, then you are OUT of the clique as well.

    If you are in a small community there are groups that volunteer their time for community betterment such as the JayCees, Kiwanis Club, etc.

    Or, if you have an illness there are often "support" groups for those dealing with it; breast cancer; diabetics; AA; etc.

    People in those groups break off into their own cliques of people who have other common interests: golfing, boating, etc etc

  • AwareBeing

    Hello All;

    Most in our family went through those difficulties too.

    Some of the ways that worked for us were:

    1) draw closer to God, and His truths

    2) spend more time with cooperative relatives

    3) get to know your neighbors with getting into their business

    4) making friends with the managers of the stores that you shop at

    5) reading books that help you cope with your issues

    6) taking a course that improves your hireability, and moral

    7) and get advice form other suffering sheep-like ones.

  • SixofNine

    Just watch the Micheal Scott character from The Office and copy his style of interaction; you'll be fine.

  • Quandry

    Also, give yourself some time.

    I felt the same way at first; it has been six years now, and I am getting more comfortable with the people that I do interract with.

    Also, don't overlook the value of a healthy walk and speaking to all you see as you go around. Slowly you'll have more social exchanges with people.

    Let us know how things progress.

  • Hortensia

    I felt like an alien from space when I first got out of the org. I didn't know how to connect with people, I was shocked by a lot of things, I was shy and inarticulate and felt clumsy and stupid. It wore off eventually. I got involved in school, met a lot of people, made some good friends.

  • rebel8

    Fake it 'til you make it.

    Act as though you are relaxed and confident, and those feelings will follow.

    That's what I do, even to this day. I feel uncomfortable in situations where there are no cues about how things are done, or when the group spends any time reminiscing about the past. I just do my best to muddle through.

    Sometimes I will say, "Sorry, I don't know anything about that, I had extremely strict parents & didn't do that as a teen." I offer no further explanation.

    It gets easier.

  • Free!!

    Again... thanks everyone for the advise... I think my biggest problem is that I am worry of what others may think of me because i am so naive...

    I am not judgmental, never have been, that was one of my main problems when i was a JW... i couldnt get myself to judge "worldly" people... the cong thought i was being liberal... mmm

    I like the idea of fake it until u make it..... maybe that would work.. i am doing my best to go out, baby steps... i cant bring myself to go to a club, not because i am judging others, but because i feel like a look like a dork, i dont know how to interact...

    I am starting to make friends w people at work.... i have a corporate job (I was one of the few JWs in my congo w a college education and material ambitions, even though i didnt share those w them) and trying to go to yoga classes and some training classes for my dogs, maybe i get to know people that way... who knows... i'll keep u posted... once again thanks!

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    I know what ya mean. I'll be moving away and starting over in a large metropolitan area. The main thing I've already learned with going back to school has been to keep my expectations low and I'm never disappointed. I've particularly worked to interact casually with many people. Some are non-receptive, but the majority have been kind and seem to be fascinated by my peculiar history and point of view on the world.

    It really is proving to be a matter of rediscovering, reinventing, and redefining myself. I try not to expect much out of the people I meet, since I'm still trying to figure myself out.

  • jamiebowers

    People love to talk about themselves, so when you find someone who you'd like to befriend, encourage them to talk. If you show interest in their lives, and you seem relaxed and happy, they'll show an interest in you too. I've found that most "worldly" people find it fascinating to talk to a cult survivor, so don't be afraid to open up when you start to get close to someone.

  • AudeSapere

    Use your dog as an ice breaker. People who have pets - especially dogs - love to talk about them. Take your dog hiking and on walks. Stop to talk to people who are outside. Take your dog to a dog park. Take your dog to the local coffee shop and sit outside for a while. Talk to people who stop to pet your dog.

    It's just little social banter, but could lead to more. As you talk to people, start getting more involved in your community.

    It's a start.


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