I need help! i am in social limbo!

by Free!! 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Free!!

    I was wondering if some of you can give me some advice in how to get over the fact that i feel so inadequate when trying to make new friends!! since i left the borg i have only made about 2-3 close friends... the WTS ruined my social skills and i am so depressed because i am afraid of the real world... i know i am ready to move on... but i dont know how.. i feel like i dont belong in there but i dont belong out here either... i am in social limbo.. and it sucks to have no friends..

    When i was in i hated the weekends because i was basically forced to go to service, now i hate the weekends because if the few friends i have are busy w their families or partners i am stuck all by myself... :( please give me some pointers i feel super lonely!

  • EmptyInside

    Well,I can certainly identify with what you are going through. It is hard when the only friends we ever had were other Witnesses. And when we leave, we lose are network.

    Why not try volunteering,or taking a fun class doing something you enjoy. A good way to meet people and make new friends. Just a couple of ideas. I know others will have plenty more.

  • talesin


    made the best friends that way ... yes, and school, too.


  • MrFreeze

    Hmmm. If you are working try to make friends with people you work with. You could also try volunteering. You may make friends with other volunteers.

  • Free!!

    Thx everyone for answering... i am trying to do all of that... but is just awkward for me... i feel weird, like i dont know what to say because i was so sheltered i dont have the same experiences they do... i get shocked by many stupid things... because i was so used to the mind control of the WTS i guess my social skills are dead :(

  • Iamallcool

    If you are willing to tell us your location, you can meet some of us near you. Go to the apostafest section here on JWN then you can start a new topic and post your location if you want to.

  • HintOfLime

    I think the cult mentality is far easier to put on than to take off. For all their talk of "new personality" and crap - all JW's really offer is a hole to hide your head in and avoid real social development. It is an 'easy way out' from a complex social system. We humans are social creatures, and part of reaching human maturity is finding and accepting one's place in the complex and changing social hierarchy.

    The first step is to free your mind from hate and judgemental thinking - starting with yourself. Look at yourself, and accept yourself for who you really are. It can take a while for your personality and uniqueness to recover, to regain the confidence to just be what you are, and love it.

    Until that time - until you really rediscover and love your inner self, it may be difficult to make the right friends.

    A few years ago, I would have been embarassed to admit my whimsical passions, my fantasies, and my faults... and in the spirit of good ol' JWism, I was 'keeping people out' - putting on a pretense and lying to myself and others about what I am.

    Once you can accept yourself and your flaws, and accept flaws in other people, you won't feel like you 'don't belong' anymore. Ex-JW or not, everybody has a story to tell. What is your story?

    - Lime

  • NewChapter

    Hi Free---of course volunteering and classes are great. But also book clubs are great because you have something to talk about---the book. That helps with some of the awkwardness. Also there are hiking clubs, bicycle clubs---check your park schedule. You'll find free things to do that will bring you into casual contact with others. There is no short-cut here. You will have to develop your social skills. When things get awkward, try asking a question and be interested in the answer. People enjoy talking about themselves and you'll find what they have to say to often be surprising.

    Volunteering in a nursing home will really make a lonely person happy---not only that it's not a scary situation and you may really get to unload a bit. I LOVED volunteering at a nursing home when I was a teen---these precious people were interested in everything I said and patient and wise. I later went to work there because I had such warm feelings.

    The world is full of many types of people--and I've learned most of them are just fine. The WT scares you into thinking they are all evil with an ulterior motive---and some are like that. But most are just like you---looking for good friends and desiring to be good friends.

    Also get interested in some things. Start reading, take up a hobby, expand yourself. MAKE yourself an interesting person with something to say. Try cooking---there are cooking classes everywhere or just get a good book---invite a friend or two over to try a new recipe. Or learn to brew beer--no one turns down beer.

    You are free now. Is there something you were always interested in that you'd like to try? Try it. Groups of people just kind of adopt you when you have a common interest---the trick is developing some interests so that you can have something in common.

    I joined some writing groups and I also started going to the Unitarian Universalist church. This was a great place to connect with people and they don't judge. I'm an atheist, but I like their principals and their people, and they really don't care what I believe. There I can brush elbows with Buddhists, pagans, wiccans, christians, atheists, agnostics---whatever. there is a good mix and it helped me develop tolerance because that is what they are about. I also went back to school and worked on making one friend at a time. Schools also offer clubs---another option. That's just what I did---you choose your own path.

    I wish you the best. Now things are going to get really exciting.


  • ABibleStudent

    Hi Free!! It sounds like you are having a difficult time making new friends, because you don't know what to say to them more than you don't know where to meet them. Do you ask them questions about what they are doing? Sometimes the simplist quesitons are the best to start a conversation. Do you smile and laugh when you talk with them? Do you like to talk about popular music, movies, etc, or do you like to talk about what JW's talk about (i.e., the end of the world)? Lighten up a little bit, and be less judgemental when talking with friends. Conversations do not have to be about good versus bad. What do you love doing? I mean what do you do that you are very passionate about. It helps to share common interests with friends that you are both passionate about doing. After you get to know your friends, do you tell them about how you felt growing up a JW? I hope that this helps you.

    Also, you might want to read Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control") to learn to overcome phobias from your JW experience. Do you still feel that you cannot trust "Worldly" people, because that is what you were taught?

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • White Dove
    White Dove

    *taking notes*

    What I've done is join a certain kind of social network that puts me in touch with people of a similar certain characteristic in my area.

    I just started, so I haven't met anyone face to face, yet, but I'm working on it.

    Another thing I did was to google community centers of a particular persuasion.

    There, I met my new best friend.

    She and I are going to the mall soon to pick out a ring for her girlfriend (she wants to propose ).

    We've done other things together for fun and getting to know each other.

    So, use Google to find clubs and groups that meet your interests (Meetup.com is good).

    Are you good at something and would like to share it with others?

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