by VampireDCLXV 40 Replies latest jw friends
We haven't been to a memorial in 10 years... I think it's probably been 12 since We've been to a meeting...
We have no desire to go back, yet, we try to keep a low profile, since we still live in the "territory" where our cards are (at least that I can remember).
My parents are still "in" and I want to keep in touch with them (we talk on the phone about once a week - mostly about work/weather etc)- so I don't want to be DF'd.
Never, ever going back to the JW slavery. No regrets.
Do I miss some old friends and family? Absolutely. But go back inside the prison walls to join them? Ah, nope.
So I ask you faders: how determined are you to never return to life as a JW?
For me it's not about determination, it would just feel wrong for me based on my current understanding
Do you still miss old JW "friends"?
Friends? Those few I had closer relationsship still wouldn't count as friends, so no.
Do you miss the company of JW relatives?
It has never been endangered, we have had as long as I remember a habit of keeping familyties in one place and religious differences in another.
Do even the smallest of thoughts that maybe, just maybe, the JWs are right about some things, still haunt the darkest corners of you mind?
It really do not matter if they are right or not, I do not care in any manner about the thruthfulness of their teaching. My issues are purely personal and are not debendant JW's being right or wrong.
Do you still have the occasional nightmare about dying during the big A?
If JW's are right that is what is going to happen to me (unless I die other kind of unnatural death before), if not I will die in another way. So no nightmares there it's one optional reality for me.
Lingering doubts might be sabotaging you. The sooner you shed your doubts about yourself and the reasons your leaving, the sooner you can heal.
I agree, I had fortunatelly years to come to my personal conclusion. In my opinion as long as you do the right thing for yourself, is it being hardcore/softcore witness or totally something else, you must feel comfortable with the decision you made.
So I ask faders here again: how far along are you in your exit and are you doubting yourself?
Exiting or staying is totally equal to me, as whatever happens I do not want to enter the paradise as it is described.
CP
So I ask you faders: how determined are you to never return to life as a JW?
I made a determination at the beginning of my fade in '09. It is behind me now, and the possibility of returning does not exist in my mind.
Do you still miss old JW "friends"?
Sometimes I reminisce about the good times - the JW social club can be fun.
Do you miss the company of JW relatives?
I miss being able to speak with my parents without them feeling that they have to talk about all the congregation goings-on. I just don't care, but I understand that it's their whole life.
Do even the smallest of thoughts that maybe, just maybe, the JWs are right about some things, still haunt the darkest corners of you mind?
JWs aren't wrong about everything, just the basics.
Do you still have the occasional nightmare about dying during the big A?
Never have.
Wow. Excellent, sincere answers so far. I may have hit a nerve here...
I admit that I was a bit tired when I wrote the OP but I'll still stand behind it. There are those of the conscious class who are determined to never go back if and when they find the right opportunity to leave the JWs and then there are those who have been out for years who still miss old friends to the point of being willing to consider going back. There are differing circumstances and different emotional makeup of individuals that do come into play.
There are a couple of other questions that i forgot to pose in the OP:
If, through unforeseen circumstances, there was a risk of DF that would result in a choice between your freedom and your friends/family, would you "return to the fold" to appease them?
If congregation or family was harassing you to the point of it driving you mad, would you consider DA to save your sanity?
(As much as it would hurt me to lose family, I would be willing to risk either the above if it was a choice between freedom or family. For me, there are no friends that I would miss at all.)
Without further ado, I'll respond to the posts so far:
@Girlie:
I'm so sorry that attachments to old friends and self doubt still haunt you but I'm glad that you're not even considering the thought of going back. Your own well being is paramount...
@agent zero:
Your assertion that my questions might only apply to those who have completely left are interesting but there are always notable exceptions like I had stated above. I'm glad that you have freed yourself mentally at least...
@jworld:
Yes, it's true; leaving behind any former way of life is a journey that usually never really ends. I will concede that people can only go along the path to leaving at their own pace and will make the mental leaps along the way only when they are ready to BUT we see individuals here who know that staying in is hazardous to them but remain stuck anyway. Life takes courage to live and I'm slowly learning that for myself.
@Broken Promises:
I'm happy for your relative success when it comes to fading, my dear friend. It seems the you have obtained the prize that most faders seek: being no part of the JWs anymore but still having good relations with JW family. You're continued presence here is inspiring.
@Rocky_Girl:
I'm happy for you as well that you're firm on never going back. Extended family can only mean so much as it's close family that almost always hurts the most to lose...
@Joliette:
I'm glad that you see the light. JWs are not true friends at all. Their so-called "love" for you is almost entirely conditional.
@RagingBull:
It's wonderful to see individuals like you who, though still inside, are mentally free. I wish you the best of luck when you finally do make your way out the door.
@Quirky1:
Your sincerity here is refreshing. Despite your marriage to a still faithful JW, I'm glad that your marriage continues to survive. I'm glad, that like so many others, the JW religion is in your rearview...
@darthfader:
It's encouraging to see long term faders like yourself continuing to post here. Admittedly the whole point of fading is that we have family in and that doesn't allow for 100% freedom from the bOrg, but it allows for freedom from the guilt. I wish you continued good luck when it comes to avoiding a DF...
@unshackled:
You made a very good choice in a username seeing that you are indeed free to live life on your own terms. I wish that I could rewrite the OP a bit to reflect that it isn't the point of fading to cut yourself off from family. We simply refuse to go back inside the prison to appease family...
@clearpoison:
I agree with you about the JW doctrines not really mattering to me, to a point. We still have to acknowledge the emotional and physical harms that growing up among JWs do to people though...
@zoiks:
I'm very happy for you that you were able to get your wife and kids out of the bOrg and still keep your family strong. You are in an enviable position. It's nice that you are free enough to never consider the thought of going back to your old life.
In all, it's wonderful to see people here who have freed themselves from the guilt and the mental manipulations of JW family, JW congregations and the GB in Brooklyn who seeks to rule us all with an iron hand!
V665
How determined are you to never return to life as a JW?
Once you've looked behind the curtain, you can't forget what you've seen.
Do you still miss old JW "friends"?
Not really. I never really enjoyed their company. When I was full in, I didn't like the hypocracy of how they skirted with "the world", now I'm out I don't like how they skirt with "the truth"
Do you miss the company of JW relatives?
I'm very disappointed in my parents. They were very involved with their grandchildren, then just turned it off. I regret not having a normal family, but the best I can hope for is to break the cycle and be better parents than they are.
Do even the smallest of thoughts that maybe, just maybe, the JWs are right about some things, still haunt the darkest corners of you mind?
Not even a little bit
Do you still have the occasional nightmare about dying during the big A?
Never.
So I ask faders here again: how far along are you in your exit and are you doubting yourself?
I have faded to the point that I don't know if I'm DF'd or not and could really care less if I was.
#1. Very determined. It makes me sick to think of going back.
#2. All the years in I have learned most of the freindships were superficial and conditional. No not really.
#3. My mother a JW has nothing to do with me and my wife. My brother because of being 11 plus years apart really have never been brothers. We just know each other as brothers. My kids are with us their wives are not at this time. It could mean we will not be able to see the grand kids. We don't know yet. I never got to know the rest of my relatives because according to my parents they were part of satans world. So yes and no to this one.
#4. Not any more. It is a cult. I am very comfortable with this thought. I have been hurt very bad because of this cult.
#5. No not now. I had them for years when I was in the cult.
#6. I am now almost 6 months since my last meeting. I step down as a elder at the end of last year. I have moved 1000 miles away in the last 2 months. I at this point if I am DF'd I could care less. I am still kicking around sending a letter to my so called new congregation here were I moved to. Nobody has stop by yet to see us. I doubt they will for I have never been to the hall here. Also had the secretary from our old hall send our cards to a congregation out of our territory because it just as close to go there than to the one in our territory.
Reopened Mind and me are to busy trying to get our buisness up and running to worry about the cult of JW. Totally ADD
"He has control of the Senate and the courts! He's too dangerous to be left alive!"
I'm already physically and officially out, but I've shown up to a meeting or two since then. I don't mind crediting the JWs where credit is due--wherever that may be--but a rap legend did once say that even a broken clock is right two times a day. So that doesn't count for much. Besides, the entire concept is quite likely flawed. If there was going to be a Big A, why delay it for 2,000 years? To prove what? Something that God went to every length to make sure of from the beginning, that man can't rule himself? Bah!
The thing is, the Big A shouldn't logically have meaning--if it meant death, how would it be any different from a nuclear holocaust? Dead is dead. And since we're going to die anyway, it is irrelevant as a threat, when you think about it. Nobody's around to say that we can beat back death. We have only a copy of a copy of a copy of a book that says we can beat death if we obey God.
Faders will be more determined as they release the fear and embrace knowledge and logic. Facts are a big help in allaying fears.
--sd-7
how determined are you to never return to life as a JW? No chance. Not with the info I now know. NEVER !! Do you still miss old JW "friends"? No, not at all. Majority of witnesses are false. No offense to those still going!! Those that I was and am still friends with had already left before me. Why is it that the geniune and nice ones are the ones that leave the JW's Do you miss the company of JW relatives? I live in UK but my whole family live in SA, so that doesn't really come into. It doesn't stop them pushing their views though. My in laws dont count because they're inlaws afterall. I have my wife and kids and that good enough for me Do even the smallest of thoughts that maybe, just maybe, the JWs are right about some things, still haunt the darkest corners of you mind? Sometimes, but I'm sure over time the 34 years of brainwashing "from infancy" will soon completely disappear Do you still have the occasional nightmare about dying during the big A? no. but for some reason I still believe in life after death. not sure the hows, whys and wheres yet So I ask faders here again: how far along are you in your exit and are you doubting yourself? only 10 months since I left, but no doubts, just regrets that I didn't leave earlier. | |
How determined are you to never return to life as a JW?
I'd have it chiseled in stone if I could afford it.
Do you still miss old JW "friends"?
No. I don't miss judgemental and superficial people who would drop me in a New York minute the minute I did something that MY conscience allows, but theirs doesn't...and who would be a flock of stool pigeons cooing to the elders at the first sign of dissent.
Do you miss the company of JW relatives?
I still talk to JW relatives because I'm just faded... And I'm moving away partially to live my life without being under the watchful eye of ANY JW, relatives included. I also have some former JW relatives, and one who is stuck in, and we keep in touch.
Do even the smallest of thoughts that maybe, just maybe, the JWs are right about some things, still haunt the darkest corners of you mind?
No. Not at all. I'm certain that I'm on the right path for myself, and that's what matters.
Do you still have the occasional nightmare about dying during the big A?
I quit believing in the Big A in my early to mid twenties.
Lingering doubts might be sabotaging you. The sooner you shed your doubts about yourself and the reasons your leaving, the sooner you can heal.
No doubts here, but I agree with the sentiment. A person cannot fully heal and join the human race post-cult until they face their fears and doubts and banish them altogether.
So I ask faders here again: how far along are you in your exit and are you doubting yourself?
I've been out for about a year (almost). No doubts, no regrets, I'm happier than I've ever been and I feel like I've lost the millstone around my neck that was the Watchtower Society.
If, through unforeseen circumstances, there was a risk of DF that would result in a choice between your freedom and your friends/family, would you "return to the fold" to appease them?
Wild horses couldn't drag me back into the cult. My family would just have to kindly f*ck off if they made the decision to shun me.
If congregation or family was harassing you to the point of it driving you mad, would you consider DA to save your sanity?
You bet your sweet bippy, I would!!
